It kinda blows my mind that local government spent five months investigating this thing. But then, here I am, looking at this woman’s picture and typing this up with one hand. This is from Matteson, Illinois, in case anyone wants to drive by her house later.
Sarah L. Tolzien, 24, of Arlington Heights, was charged Tuesday after a five-month investigation, Matteson police said. Her bail was set at $10,000 Wednesday and her next court hearing is April 15 at the Cook County Courthouse in Markham.
Tolzien, who teaches English and coaches the boys varsity cross country team at Rich South High School in Richton Park, was placed on administrative leave Dec. 1, police said.
I guess she gave him a couple rides home…and then gave him a couple rides home. The kid was 16, which means he pretty much has the worst parents ever. Seriously, cockblocked by your own parents? They were probably all like, “We know what’s best for you,” which is obviously not true. Is either one of them hitting that? I rest my case, your honor.
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Inter Milan midfielder Luis Jiminez is married to model Maria Jose Lopez. Last year, tabloid reports claimed that she spent the night with another Chilean soccer player, Mauricio Pinilla of Brazil’s Vasco de Gama, while Jiminez was in Jamaica playing for the national team. This week, the two players ended up at the same Santiago night club, and the alleged cuckold got a little assault-y (via The Spoiler):
According to a number of reports, Jimenez, nicknamed “the little wizard,” attacked Pinilla with a blunt instrument, causing three blows to the head and the victim of the attack was forced to go to hospital for treatment and was diagnosed with head trauma and a neck injury…
According to the local media, Mauricio Pinilla had approached the couple at the nightclub and was warned to back off. Failing to heed the warnings a fight broke out with Pinilla getting thumped by Jimenez.
Eh, sounds about right. I can really see both sides here. Like, I’d be willing to get clubbed in the head to sleep with her. And I’d definitely be willing to club another man for her. But then, that’s my answer for everything. Club club club, whack whack whack, problem solved. Sorry for the mess, everyone.
(Images via here and here. NOTE: The last pic is pretty much NSFW, but nobody’s really working today and I don’t really care, so whatever.)
A 23-year-old his school athletic trainer in Orange County was arrested on suspicion of a sex crime. Hope Jacoby is charged with oral copulation with a minor and unlawful sex with a minor. Mmmm… illegal blowjobs are the best kind.
Sheriff’s deputies were informed of the unlawful acts by someone who saw a text message photograph, [Sheriffs spokesman Jim] Amormino said. The boy was between 14 and 17 years old.
Jacoby, who lives in San Juan Capistrano, was jailed in lieu of $100,000 bail, Amormino said. Investigators believe there may have been other victims, he said.
Yes, those poor “victims.” Will the teenage boys ever recover from the mental trauma of being blown by a hot older woman?
I can only assume that these other victims were varsity athletes who needed extra attention from the trainer. And good for them. Varsity athletes have a hard time meeting girls. I’m tired of all these stories about cheerleaders and teachers seducing the drama club president and the choir’s lead tenor.
[more pics at Busted Coverage]
I have long searched for an African sports story that had nothing to do with AIDS or violent deaths, and it seems we’ve finally got a nice European-style soccer sex scandal in Zimbabwe, where the nation’s head of soccer, Henrietta Rushwaya (right), allegedly overruled a standing team policy of a pre-match curfew for the players so that she could bed star striker Benjani Mwaruwaru (left). Zimbabwe was bounced from World Cup qualifying in the first round.
Rushwaya is reportedly in the habit of cowing the number one coach Jose Claudinei Valinhos into sanctioning the departure of some players from camp to moonlight in secluded night spots and even to have a brief encounter off the blankets with her.
“When [Mwaruwaru] comes home especially on a siesta from his overseas club, he camps at Rushwaya’s residence where they live literary [sic] like husband and wife… Rushwaya herself is known for being generous with her body and numerous scribes have had a go. She is a very kind boss whose generosity has won her friends especially in the media as most of her scandals are deliberately swept under the carpet,” said the source on condition of anonymity.
This is great. I’m already a fan of women sleeping their way to the top, then continuing to sleep with people to stay on top, but this story especially warms my heart. I love the way no one was killed by rampaging lions or flesh-eating bacteria.
Jay Bergman, the baseball coach for University of Central Florida for the last 40 years, has been fired after he allegedly sexually harrassed the team's equipment manager.
Bergman used a bat to simulate raping equipment manager Chris Rhyce in early March, said the university source and two other sources with knowledge of the allegation. The university source asked for anonymity because he is not authorized to speak for UCF.
The three sources said Rhyce told the university in a written complaint that he was held down on the field, fully clothed, by a baseball staff member before a March 7 game while the players watched. Bergman was said to have grabbed a bat and shoved it toward Rhyce's buttocks.
Dude what's the big deal? It's not like you actually got bat-raped. And even if he had been, it's really not so bad if you've had five or six strawberry margaritas beforehand. Um, at least that's what I heard from someone I don't know who's into that sort of thing.
Joe Starkey was a well-liked and respected math teacher and soccer coach in Washington state… right up to the point where he got arrested for and admitted to having sex with a 15-year-old student who had run away from home.
Police found the runaway, who is a math student of Starkey’s, at his Longview apartment over the weekend, investigators said…
Most students… say Starkey was a great teacher and coach and they are surprised he would be charged with having sex with a minor. “He was really cool. You could talk to him about a lot of stuff. During practice he would help you with math and stuff if you needed it,” R.A. Long High School student Alysha said. “I don’t know why he’d do that. It’s crazy. I mean, he’s smarter than that.”
Yes, technically, most men are smarter than that. But most men don't have hot teen runaways showing up on their doorstep, either. Have you walked through the hallways of a high school recently? I'm no longer allowed to as part of my plea deal, but I'm telling you, it's dangerous. If your actions don't land you in jail, your thoughts will land you in hell. See you there.
[Unprofessional Foul, which also has fun tidbits from Starkey's Myspace page]
