What you’re looking at, by way of @KateUpton, is America’s Best Girl dressed as a zombie version of Marilyn Monroe for Heidi Klum’s Halloween party. I guess a better description might be “Marilyn Monroe during filming of The Seven Year Itch if the subway breeze blew her into the street where she fractured her arms and exposed the bones instead of just blowing up her skirt”, or, as Sportress Of Blogitude suggests, “Partially Decomposed (But Not In A Grotesque Way Which Would Cause Me To Appear Not Totally Hot) Marilyn Monroe”.

Regardless, this is one of Kate’s two mostly-effortless costumes for the season. The other, a bottle of Tabasco Sauce with a simultaneously cute and sexual Nutrition Facts label, can be seen along with more of Dead Marilyn (too soon) after the jump. What, you think I’m going to put up pictures of Kate Upton and not make you click through them? You don’t know anything about blogging. Keep your hands where I can see them.

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With Halloween upon us, most of you are probably recovering from a weekend of cheap booze and heavy drooling over naughty *insert occupation* and, if you’re anything like me, you’re eager to shut all the lights off and watch Monday Night Football in complete silence. But if you’re one of those “adult” types and you didn’t get a chance to go out this week and ogle scantily clad girls who benefit greatly from masks and makeup, you can at least take comfort in know that some NFL cheerleaders are here to comfort you.

Specifically, the Tennessee Titans and Baltimore Ravens cheerleaders want to comfort you, because they were the only NFL cheerleaders that cared enough about their fans yesterday to dress up in ridiculous outfits. Like Batgirl above. She could be a Cyclops under that mask. Hell, she could be Richard Harrow from “Boardwalk Empire.” Either way, she’s the prime example of how Halloween should be done.

Today, we celebrate the efforts of the Titans and Ravens cheerleaders, and we cast our scorn upon the 30 other NFL cheerleading squads that were too cool for school.

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This is Destiny (a.k.a. “stop talking about your girlfriend” from The Best And Worst Of WWE Raw column) dressed as Flo from the Progressive insurance commercials, and I can say without hyperbole that it’s the best and most personally-appropriate costume ever. She actually works in insurance, and she can go from normal face to CRAZY EYES on command. My costume has been included as the inset image, and while it was also a solidly-nerdy pop culture reference, I’m not sure how big a picture I want on my website of me in a white-ass morphsuit.

And yes, that’s actually me.

Links

Kris Jenkins Hosts The Worst Comedy Sketch In The History Of Television - More things need to be filmed on a set featuring a fake foyer. It reminds me of the Murderface and Knubbler Christmas Special. [SBN]

You Knew It Was Coming: The Greatest Halloween Pet Costumes You’ll See This Year - I’m disappointed that there are 40,000 costumes for dogs, but only like four velcro novelty hats available for cats. I want to dress my cat like the Lone Ranger, dammit, and Petsmart needs to provide for me that option. [UPROXX]

Meme Watch: We’re A Culture, Not A Costume Parody Posters - A little offensive in its counter-productivity (and people should really stop dressing as geisha, because Jesus Christ, get with it, America) but worth it for the Mummy and zombie Big Show cameos. [UPROXX]

Mega Gallery: Awesome, Geeky Pumpkins To Attempt To Carve This Weekend - I’m stuck somewhere between wanting to carve Roseanne cast face pumpkins and saying f**k it to creativity and just doing McDonald’s-style jack-o-lanterns for the rest of my life. [Gamma Squad]

101 Halloween Corgis - I’m covering Corgi Friday for Matt this week, and look at what I have to follow. [Warming Glow]

10 Halloween Tips For The Star Wars Obsessed - Tip 11: It’s 2011 and Star Wars has been rendered awful by its creator, you should probably get obsessed with something more esoteric but still good, like Babylon 5 or maybe Doctor Who. [Smoking Section]

Every ‘Friday the 13th’ Kill Ever - Why hello, naked Willa Ford. Also, Willa Ford, in case you’re reading this, I thought “I Wanna Be Bad” was awesome and you should be my friend in real life. [UGO]

14 “Sexy” Costumes That Defy Logic - Sexy costume backlash is reaching critical mass, yet the only options for women at Halloween stores are sexy costumes. Is this the great paradox of our times? [Buzzfeed]

Five Horror Movies That Were a Nightmare For the Actors - Weee! More anecdotes about that lady getting her butt scratched by brambles during The Texas Chainsaw Massacre! [The Smoking Jacket]

Nyan Cat Dog Wins Halloween - Somewhere the Rick Astley Dog is crying because his owner is behind the times. [The Daily What]

The 50 Creepiest Pieces Of Romance Advice Ever Published - Something legitimately spooky for you to finish out the links. People who follow this advice (or give it) should be accompanied by thunder crashes and flickering lights at all times. Also, bubbling cauldron noises. [FARK]

I still haven’t decided which costume I’m wearing for Halloween yet–I’m torn between “Fat Elvis wearing a TJ Houshmandzadeh jersey” and “Insane Welder Serial Killer wearing a TJ Houshmandzadeh jersey.” It’s a tough call. But Natasha Wicks–in this tour of a sexy Las Vegas costume shop–has me considering other ideas. Oh, and different potential costumes, too. Here’s Wicks’ top five ideas for this Halloween, and I have no problem at all with No. 1. –Raw Vegas. Also.