In a situation that calls for both 1,000 and zero jokes, Washington Redskins defensive lineman Albert Haynesworth has been officially charged with misdemeanor sexual abuse for ordering food at a hotel, then paying for it in the grossest possible way. According to the U.S. attorney’s office, there is government evidence showing Haynesworth sliding a credit card down the front of a server’s dress and fondling her breast. As a former food server, I can confirm that this is not Hospitaliano.

A grand jury returned an indictment on Tuesday, and if convincted, Haynesworth faces a $1,000 fine and up to six months in jail. From the AP report:

Haynesworth’s attorney, A. Scott Bolden, called the charge disappointing and regretful and said it would be a difficult case for the government to prove. Haynesworth is innocent and several witnesses would vouch that the alleged conduct never happened, Bolden said.

“We maintain his innocence, and now the fight begins,” Bolden said.

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CBS Football loud yeller Shannon Sharpe is taking some time off after being accused of forcing a woman to have sex with him, making death threats against her, and stalking her. Sharpe released a very brief statement to the media declaring his voluntary time off until the matter is solved. Dan Marino also announced that he’ll take time off from CBS so he can continue to argue with Sharpe.

The accusations against Sharpe come as he’s expected to be voted into the NFL Hall of Fame’s 2011 class, and this could really hurt him because everyone knows that you have to wait until you’re in the HOF before you attack women.

Why do you make me hurt you like this, Denver Post:

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