Reality Television Has Reached Rock Bottom

Written by Ashley Burns / 10.29.12

On October 8, 27-year old former Cincinnati Bengals cheerleader and teacher Sarah Jones pleaded guilty to having sex with one of her students, a 17-year old boy. However, the boy’s family and Jones have known each other for a long time and despite the 9-year age difference, she had been friends with now-18 Cody York since he was a child. So it wasn’t much of a surprise when the York family refused to cooperate with prosecutors and Jones was ultimately sentenced to five years of diversion and she avoided that whole “sex offender” tag.

What was a bit of a surprise was that Jones and York left the courthouse holding hands, as they’d later reveal to the media that they are still dating and plan to move on with their lives. As someone who vividly and fondly remembers being 18, what is this bro thinking? Turns out he’s thinking about love.

“We made a poor choice together,” Jones told “Dateline”. “But that doesn’t mean that we can’t find happiness at the end of the day. And we will.

“He’s wonderful, and I absolutely adore everything because even if he has flaws, I adore them.” (Via NFL.com)

So now they can just fade away into oblivion and lead their fabulous little lives away from our scorn, right? Haha, no. Jones and York are getting a f*cking reality TV show.

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New Pervert Job: Volunteer High School Bowling Coach

Written by Ashley Burns / 09.20.10

kingpin

Now I’m no expert judge of character by any means, but if a dude shows up at a high school volunteering to be a bowling coach, free of charge – well, there’s a pretty good chance that dude’s gonna end up being a perv. And so we go to Manhattan, Illinois, where 41-year old Edward R. Cetwinski was arrested after a female student reported having an affair with the ol’ three-holed ball coach. I just assumed that she was ratted out by her jealous classmates as she bragged, “Guess who’s nailing the bowling coach!”

The report was filed last week, leading to an immediate investigation of the grown man who was donating his spare time to teach high school kids how to bowl and, I’m guessing, how to grow a wicked goatee. However, people had become suspicious prior to her admittance, mainly because she kept bragging about picking up a 6-9 split. *bowtie spins, granny bowls*

Lay down the smooth game of a volunteer bowling coach, Herald-News Online:

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