Noted immigrant David Beckham appears to be gone from America, at least for now. And it is good. But this isn’t an anti-soccer rant or an anti-foreigner rant, or even an anti-hey-he’s-better-looking-than-me rant, because I could do those all day. No, it’s good because he just packed up his fish and chips and got the hell out. He didn’t sit around and complain about how he was stuck with his Scientology friends every day or how all the men in California act like little girls or why there was cocaine everywhere. Contractually, he seemingly has the right to leave. He just uneventfully got on a plane and left, and frankly, I admire a man that can handle his business with a quietly firm hand.
ASYLUM POLL: Is David Beckham giving MLS the shaft?
The LA Galaxy doesn’t seem to be as eager to part. They’ve probably called him and left sad, annoying messages on his machine. You know, the kind where the person on the line was crying so hard that their nose started running. They probably told Beckham to come back and pick up his stuff and he was all, I don’t really want it, and they were all, But you have to, and he was all, No, I think I’m good. And then maybe ten or twelve years from now they’ll be facebook friends and leave “How long has it been?” sort of messages on each other’s walls, and then browse through each other’s uploaded photos, and that’s how it’ll end. And that’s okay.
Ladies and gentlemen, the best player in Italy’s Serie A, Zlatan Ibrahimovic. This says more about Italian soccer than all the thousands of words I’ve ever written about the plodding boredom that is the hallmark of both Serie A and the Italian national team. And I say that as someone who actually likes soccer. Just imagine how much more you could hate soccer if you focused on Italy!
On a more serious note, that’s the ugliest chick I’ve seen in a long time.
[AP Photo via Kickette]
SSC Napoli have been a surprising upstart in Italy’s Serie A this season, but many of its excellent young players have been targeted by Premiership teams in England. And Napoli team president Aurelio De Laurentiis, having grown tired of the constant transfer talk, has issued a grave warning as to why his players should stay in Italy.
“If they want to go to England then in the end they’re going to go, but they need to understand this: the English live badly, eat badly and their women do not wash their genitalia. To them, a bidet is a mystery.”
As much as I despise Italian soccer and Italian men, I have to give Aurelio some credit for building a solid argument. The lifestyle and the food are way better in Italy than in England. And yeah, the women are light years hotter, too.
But the stinky vagina card seems a bit unfair. Everyone knows British chicks’ panties evaporate when they see a guy kick a soccer ball. And I’m sorry, but I refuse to believe Keeley Hazell’s hoo-hah smells like anything but flowers and honey. With a hint of bacon.
Fox Soccer Channel announced that it acquired exclusive rights to broadcast Italian Serie A games until 2010.
I don't want to make too bold of a statement, but this is basically the worst idea ever. The World Cup is awesome. The English Premier League is awesome. Major League Soccer is… a way to watch Americans play soccer. But Serie A is shit. Complete and utter shit. It's greasy people falling down for 90 minutes at a time. It's got more flops than the New York Jets first-round draft history. Fox Soccer would be better off televising AYSO games and marathons of Ladybugs and Kicking & Screaming. Or test patterns.
The only thing Italy's good for is hot women (like Francesca Ceci up there — NSFW pic of her here) and doric columns. Don't try to tell me pasta. They stole that from the Chinese.
