What would happen to the New York Mets if they won a World Series in 2011? They’d accidentally drop the World Series trophy during their ticker tape parade, and probably drive over it in a double decker bus. At least, that’s what The Dugout about the Mets winning the World Series would be. So imagine my surprise when I saw Sergio Ramos of Real Madrid do that exact thing with the Copa del Rey, their first major trophy in three years.

How does this even happen? Maybe the bus driver was a fan of Barcelona. Maybe God wanted to prove that he exists by pointing out the hubris of man. Either way, that’s got to be a difficult thing to get over when it’s time to renew your contract. “Oh, yeah, that’s right, you’re the guy who dropped our trophy and got it ran over by a bus. No, wait, a DOUBLE BUS.”

You may remember Spain from such racially-charged incidents as “Let’s throw racist slurs at Lewis Hamilton and threaten his life” and “Just about everyone on our Olympic team posed for some slant-eye photos before going to China.”  So really, it’s not exactly surprising that a soccer star made a public appearance in blackface.

The Spanish traditionally celebrate los Reyes Magos de Oriente, whereby the three biblical kings visit the houses of children and dish out gifts, like an ethnic triumvirate of Father Christmases.

As part of their continuing quest to maintain ambivalence towards overt racism in society, Real Madrid’s Sergio Ramos was invited to take part in the most recent Reyes Magos Eve procession, where he donned blackface, a turban and a pimp ring.

This is horrible, and someone seriously needs to start kicking Spain’s ass in gear so they stop coming off as bigots.  But on the other hand, Spanish people are just so damn attractive.  It’s like trying to stay mad at the hot blond Nazi in the third Indiana Jones movie.  Elsa.  Sure, she hated Jews… but look at that bone structure!