American tennis star and noted Williams sister Serena Williams was spotted several times in a California hospital, and her people have confirmed that something really really bad happened.

“Monday Serena Williams underwent emergency treatment at Cedars for a hematoma she suffered as a result of treatment for a more critical situation,” the rep says in an exclusive statement.

“Last week, Serena suffered from a pulmonary embolism [a blood clot in the lungs] which was discovered upon her return to L.A. She had been in New York for doctor appointments for the ongoing issues with her foot.”
–People, via Busted Racquet.

I added the link there because I doubt this crowd has any clue what a pulmonary embolism is. And if you do, just keep it to yourself. Don’t soil our efforts at dumbness just so you can show everyone you went to med school.

Here’s a fun video from the renown Upright Citizens Brigade spoofing Serena Williams in a sex advice video. It’s funny, but come on. I could keep Serena locked in my basement for three months and there’s no way her ass would be that small. Hey, argue all you want, but this PhD in booty-ology trumps whatever you might have heard from that father of yours. Read the rest of this entry »

This isn’t exactly Michael Jordan joining the Birmingham Barons, but it’s always notable when one of the best athletes in her sport decides that she wants to learn how to do nails. Serena Williams apparently has 240 hours to burn to be certified for such a thing.

“Besides the fact that I am coming out with a nail collection from a company called HairTech, I thought ‘Serena, this is a no-brainer’.”

Shortly after returning home from the Australian Open, Williams began researching schools that would let her finish the course at her own pace. As always, the athlete made sure she was prepared to face the challenges ahead. –Radar Online, via Hot Clicks.

Why, Serena? You could buy your own nail technician if you wanted. Of course, this could all just be a front for Serena to scream at more Asian people. In which case, well played, Serena. America may have to send you to North Korea on a “diplomacy” mission. Once those commies get enough manis and pedis, their little empire will crumble like Mary Pierce at a family reunion.

Some of you may recall that Whitlock has either condoned (or possibly suggested) such image-related shenanigans before, when a smiling Whitlock was seen perversely peering through a keyhole at Erin Andrews that was used as the image for a column where he suggested that big time, mainstream sportswriters were jealous of Erin Andrews and proceeded to take vitriolic potshots at some of his colleagues, from Mike Lupica to Jay Mariotti. Whitlock has even softened his stance on one of his favorite targets, ham-fisted bloggers (if bloggers were ham-fisted, would Whitlock eat them? Huh), appearing on The Dan Patrick Show with Will Leitch and A.J. Daulerio.

Nevertheless, the above image is as disturbing as it is hilarious. The portly scribe has never looked better. Or worse. But either way, as long as he continues taking shots at arrogant, self-righteous windbags like Lupica and keeps bringing the self-deprecating humor about his weight and appearance, I’m willing to give him a pass – for now.

To be honest, I’m not sure what is more terrifying: the thought of Whitlock appearing partially-nude in “The Body Issue” (as opposed to his bulbous head getting photoshopped on top of Adrian Peterson’s body) or picturing Whitlock and Serena Williams comparing the size of their asses. Chilling.

There’s something to be said for losing in a dignified way, or at least being undignified in a totally awesome way. But I found Serena Williams’ berating of a courtside official Saturday to be neither of those. Neither did the people that ran the US Open, who fined Williams $10,000 for her outburst in that Kim Clijsters match and opened an investigation that could result in all of her winnings being lost.

“The average individual would look at that and say, ‘A $10,000 fine for what she did? What are you guys, crazy?’ The answer is: the process isn’t over,” tournament director Jim Curley said in an interview with The Associated Press.

Bill Babcock, the top administrator for Grand Slam tournaments, will review what happened Saturday night, when Williams yelled at a linesperson who called a foot fault with the defending champion two points away from losing to Kim Clijsters in the semifinals.

If Babcock determines Williams committed a “major offense,” the rules allow for a fine as high as all of a player’s prize money from the tournament — and a suspension, although Curley did not mention that as a possibility. via.

The word is that Willams turned her ire toward an official that called her for a foot fault and yelled:

“I swear to God I feel like taking this ball and shoving it down your fucking throat.” via.

No excuse can justify that. Serena should have been fined for threatening, whether she was playing in women’s singles or playing linebacker for the Jets. Just admit that you screwed up and move on, girl. Just because you let some white girl kick your ass doesn’t mean you have to take it out on the Asians.

Tennis phenoms Venus and Serena Williams are looking to purchase a share of the Miami Dolphins from new owner Stephen Ross, joining other celebs such as Gloria Estefan, Marc Anthony and that one chica that used to date Ben Affleck.

“We don’t know what’s going on,” Williams said after her second-round match at the Rogers Cup Wednesday night in Toronto. “There’s been preliminary talks and, hopefully, it will work out. I mean, that would be a great opportunity for both of us. We’ll see what happens.”

Reports from the United States suggested an announcement would be made on Tuesday. The sisters live about an hour from where the Dolphins play. via.

Is there anyone reading this right now that DOESN’T own a share of the Miami Dolphins? Anyone? I think Ufford picked up his share last week. This is turning out to be the People’s Football Team. They should change their colors to red and gold and adopt the hammer-and-sickle as their logo. That’s a communism joke. Nothing dries up readership or women’s panties like economics talk.