Ever since I was a young St. Louis Cardinals fan, and therefore generally regarded as a classier and more intelligent young baseball fan, I have gotten a kick out of the idea of having celebrities throw out a ceremonial first pitch. Watching male celebrities throw baseballs like they are battling through a lovebug swarm is an unparalleled joy for me, and no matter how many times some actor makes an ass out of himself in front of a crowd of thousands, teams keep inviting them and these celebrities keep answering the calls. (My joy turns to rage, though, when these same actors try to play baseball players in movies, because nobody wants to see Freddie Prinze, Jr. show off his 52-mph antics and pretend like he could score Jessica Biel.)

But while I enjoy watching the men make asses of themselves, it’s the opposite when the ladies take the mound (awesome sports porn film title, BTW). Take Avril Lavigne, for instance, as she threw out the first pitch as a Tampa Bay Rays game over the weekend, in case you didn’t read yet another outstanding installment of The Dugout below. Avril and her Hot Topic “riot grrl” demeanor became yet another sad example of the female celebrities who throw out a first pitch and go from cute to disappointing-but-still-bangable in just seconds. I don’t know how to describe it other than it’s like the first time you witness a girl fart.

Like I said, I don’t care if a guy makes an ass of himself, but with all those players readily available, does nobody step up and offer the ladies some assistance to at least make an effort? Don’t get me wrong, this isn’t the standard for every girl. Some of them really pull it off, but others are just flat out DERPtastic, as you can see after the jump.

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Womens tennis news has been pretty drab of late, what with Serena Williams being stalked, being told she deserved to be stalked for wearing sexy clothes by the Sporting News, and having to watch her sister sing 311 karaoke on a booze cruise. Thankfully, I FINALLY get to write something positive about tennis (besides my weird obsession with Martina Hingis when I was younger) as the WTA has launched their “Strong is Beautiful” campaign, which is a lot like WWE’s “Smart, Sexy and Powerful!” campaign for their female wrestlers, only these people are actually strong and beautiful.

From the press release:

Drawing upon athleticism and grace – a unique combination that has turned the stars of the WTA into the most recognizable and followed female athletes on the planet – the campaign places the personal stories, pressures and dreams of the players front of stage. The creative is designed to support the WTA’s efforts to establish a deeper engagement with fans around the world and to promote both the sport’s next generation of players along with current established names.

The end result is a celebration of strong women from all corners of the world. Through all of life’s difficult circumstances, the players’ love for the sport and determination to succeed prevails. The new ad campaign is a life example that being physically and mentally strong is beautiful.

So flip through our gallery of the released pictures and videos of the campaign and take a look, I think you’ll like it. It’s hard to find pretty pictures of sports that don’t involve bikinis or dunking.

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…or so says Greg Couch, a Sporting News reporter and former Chicago Sun-Times columnist who said Serena Williams’ new Twitter avatar, featuring the tennis star in her underwear, “suggested something about common sense and hypocrisy.” In a classic case of blaming the victim, Couch says the photo is “reckless” and “might not be too far off” from someone filming Erin Andrews through a peephole. But he makes sure to mention that it was “sexy.” Okay.

From Couch’s rant:

It’s a sexy photo, she looks great and it’s not pornographic. To be honest, I would actually find it to be somewhat artistic if it weren’t for the serious business of stalking women. What was her message anyway? What was she trying to say? Just this: Look at me.

Instead, what she was saying was this: Peep at me, but don’t stalk me.

Huh?

Yeah, really. Huh? What is it about former Chicago Sun-Times columnists? Is there a “do you hate women, yes/no” question on the application?

Couch was quick to explain that his column wasn’t intended to blame the victim, he’s just saying she’s asking for it because of the way she dresses. He also jumped on Twitter to explain that he works for the Sporting News, but that this column is personal, and not for the Sporting News. If the stalker had gotten into her house and killed her, would Couch be asking how her death will affect the U.S. Open? The Sporting News is always trying to be like ESPN these days.

Also funny/awful is this little nugget.

Still, Anna Kournikova, Maria Sharapova and Ana Ivanovic photos are never quite as gritty as Serena’s.

Say, what’s the major difference between those three skinny light-skinned girls and Serena Williams? I’m just asking on behalf of my own blog, not With Leather.

In a story that I sorta wish had ended with Serena Williams breaking somebody’s neck with her legs, alleged stalker and possible Ocarina of Time boss Patenema Ouedraogo was caught on the grounds of Williams’ home on Monday night, his pockets stuffed with love letters, and was arrested. Ouedraogo, 40 (pictured right), made the fatal mistake of TRYING TO WALK INTO SERENA WILLIAMS’ HOUSE. Security flagged him as a threat, because Jesus Christ, and thankfully nothing bad happened.

Via Pop Eater, the Devourer of Words:

Last month, Williams went to court to take an injunction out against Ouedraogo. He was well known to the tennis player’s security team as a potential stalker and Williams’ has said that she is “terrified” of him.

Ouedraogo had previously pretended he was Williams’ assistant when she appeared on the Home Shopping Network last month and even got access to her dressing room, before he was identified and escorted out of the premises.

He’s just trying to find a good woman, guys, come on. Ouedraogo has been charged with stalking and cyber-stalking and his bail has been set at $25,000, but even if he makes that, he’s still under house arrest and has to stay 500 feet away from Williams at all times. Of course, they aren’t taking his special attacks and dangerous tentacles into consideration when they set that order.

So somebody took photos of Serena Williams on the beach this weekend, and all I think is that this person hates the world and wants to inflict unimaginable pain on us. Hey, I don’t think she looks that bad. She just needs that big pink jumpsuit back. Who would have that that full-body spanx would have looked so appealing? Besides everyone?

Via Hollywood Tuna.

There’s a new ad for “Top Spin 4″ out on Kotaku now, and the 2K Sports tennis sim has taken a new angle toward marketing: sex. And after the jump you can see Serena Williams, sans trou, and some white chick, as you can see picture above. Hey hon, you make a better door than a…actually, I’m good. Never mind.

So someone had the bright idea that Serena without pants would actually want to make me buy a tennis video game? Are Luigi and Yoshi playable characters? No? Then keep walking. And tell Serena to put here drawers back on.

The 60-second spot already has 2K execs backpedalling, claiming that it wasn’t “part of the final marketing campaign.” Uh huh. I’d buy “Top Spin” AND “MLB 2K11″ just to win the million dollars to pay Serena as ransom toward her own body. Don’t get me wrong, I’m equal opportunity, but I can only take so much junk in my trunk.

Video’s after the jump…if you dare.