Ever since I was a young St. Louis Cardinals fan, and therefore generally regarded as a classier and more intelligent young baseball fan, I have gotten a kick out of the idea of having celebrities throw out a ceremonial first pitch. Watching male celebrities throw baseballs like they are battling through a lovebug swarm is an unparalleled joy for me, and no matter how many times some actor makes an ass out of himself in front of a crowd of thousands, teams keep inviting them and these celebrities keep answering the calls. (My joy turns to rage, though, when these same actors try to play baseball players in movies, because nobody wants to see Freddie Prinze, Jr. show off his 52-mph antics and pretend like he could score Jessica Biel.)
But while I enjoy watching the men make asses of themselves, it’s the opposite when the ladies take the mound (awesome sports porn film title, BTW). Take Avril Lavigne, for instance, as she threw out the first pitch as a Tampa Bay Rays game over the weekend, in case you didn’t read yet another outstanding installment of The Dugout below. Avril and her Hot Topic “riot grrl” demeanor became yet another sad example of the female celebrities who throw out a first pitch and go from cute to disappointing-but-still-bangable in just seconds. I don’t know how to describe it other than it’s like the first time you witness a girl fart.
Like I said, I don’t care if a guy makes an ass of himself, but with all those players readily available, does nobody step up and offer the ladies some assistance to at least make an effort? Don’t get me wrong, this isn’t the standard for every girl. Some of them really pull it off, but others are just flat out DERPtastic, as you can see after the jump.