In a story that I sorta wish had ended with Serena Williams breaking somebody’s neck with her legs, alleged stalker and possible Ocarina of Time boss Patenema Ouedraogo was caught on the grounds of Williams’ home on Monday night, his pockets stuffed with love letters, and was arrested. Ouedraogo, 40 (pictured right), made the fatal mistake of TRYING TO WALK INTO SERENA WILLIAMS’ HOUSE. Security flagged him as a threat, because Jesus Christ, and thankfully nothing bad happened.

Via Pop Eater, the Devourer of Words:

Last month, Williams went to court to take an injunction out against Ouedraogo. He was well known to the tennis player’s security team as a potential stalker and Williams’ has said that she is “terrified” of him.

Ouedraogo had previously pretended he was Williams’ assistant when she appeared on the Home Shopping Network last month and even got access to her dressing room, before he was identified and escorted out of the premises.

He’s just trying to find a good woman, guys, come on. Ouedraogo has been charged with stalking and cyber-stalking and his bail has been set at $25,000, but even if he makes that, he’s still under house arrest and has to stay 500 feet away from Williams at all times. Of course, they aren’t taking his special attacks and dangerous tentacles into consideration when they set that order.

I don’t know which part of the video is more ridiculous, the fact that Serena Williams might have a white aunt or that people really believe that she actually menstrates. Here’s that Tampax commercial that’s already made the rounds with Serena “outsmarting Mother Nature.” You can see that Mama’s holding a big red gift in her hands. See kids, that represents her monthly period. And then I honestly don’t know what happens to a woman after the period. I think she just goes outside and spends a bunch of money. via. Thanks, Matt.