Out of context, that’s the most “Yahoo Serious Festival” headline I’ve ever written.

In context, it makes a little more sense. Yesterday, Danger Guerrero wrote a piece for Warming Glow about how a terrifying promotional foam likeness of ‘Veep’ star Julia Louis-Dreyfus had been spotted walking around in Washington. If you love baseball, your first thought upon seeing the creature was, “oh, that looks like a Geico Racing President.” Sure enough, here’s mascot Selina Meyer hanging out with local footrace legend and former President Of The United States Teddy Roosevelt. Teddy was the George Costanza of the Presidents for the longest time, so this image may have hypercontext.

Yes, that’s right, the Julia Louis-Dreyfus character from that HBO show — or a presidentialized version of her, anyhow — will partner with Teddy against the team of Abe and Taft in a presidential relay race at Nats Park Tuesday night, in advance of Sunday’s 10 p.m. season two premier. She/it will also be in the center-field plaza before the game, and will be involved in several in-game promotions. (via Washington Post)

So rest easy, Danger. Now the only thing you have to worry about is that terrible, skinny William Howard Taft they came up with.

A free idea for everyone involved in this promotion’s creation: a Racing Presidents version of Ned Stark that almost wins the race, but trips up and loses his head.

Locals and wildlife nerds are baffled today as they try to determine the cause of death for a gray whale that recently washed ashore in Camano Island, Washington. But because it’s a blogger’s duty to make any and every reference possible to The Simpsons, Arrested Development, The Wire and especially Seinfeld, this story is worth mentioning because of what was found inside the whale…

A gray whale found dead in Washington state’s Puget Sound had been feeding on shrimp and also had some debris, including a golf ball, in its stomach, but scientists don’t know what killed the animal. (Via the Atlanta Journal Constitution)

Doctors once found a golf ball in Paris Hilton’s stomach, but she was also holding a garden hose, so it made sense. This whale, though, is simply a mystery.

The garbage was minimal and not the cause of death, which remains under investigation with tissue tests, spokesman Brian Gorman said. It’s common for whales to pick up debris near urban areas because they are filter feeders. There were no signs of trauma or entanglement on the whale, he said.

Well you can rule out “dating Chris Brown” as a cause of death. *high fives self, whispers “Slow news day” to dog*

The whale’s corpse will be cleaned and most likely shipped to a university so that it can be handled examined by hundreds of college students… *pause* just like your mother. Take us away, unnecessary Alison Brie GIF!

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Is the Muslim Brotherhood trying to assassinate the Emperor? Get your sh*t together, Rick.

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Links

Christina Hendricks Was Adorably Goth In These High School Yearbook Photos - The most important thing you’ll read all day. Although I could’ve told you that the woman who dyes her hair red in her 30s dyed it black in her teens. [UPROXX]

This Week in Movie Posters, Presented by Newsboy Cat - My brain doesn’t process the Men In Black 3 poster. I might as well be looking at calculus homework. [Film Drunk]

The Dying Art Of Rap Battles & Beefs - |Smoking Section|

The 15 Most Promising Shows of the 2012 Pilot Season - A woman (supporting actress from different TV show) has a job where she’s really great and smart, but her co-workers are all SO WEIRD and it’s just like real life, only even the nerds are handsome enough to be on TV. There, that’s every show. [Warming Glow]

20 Geeky Fake Criterions We Wish Were Real - I would buy almost all of these. Something about calling Weird Al “Al Yankovic” is really funny to me. [Gamma Squad]

Romney Misquotes George Costanza - “I want some serenity!!!” [Buzzfeed]

Bill Maher Compares Newt Gingrich To ‘A Batman Villain’ On ‘Late Late Show’ (VIDEO) - Then he just stands there smirking at himself for 59 minutes until someone turns off the camera. [HuffPost Comedy]

Dennis DeYoung on the Mr. Roboto controversy that destroyed Styx: “I should have had that robot mask made larger” - The most jealous I’ve ever been of my dad was finding out he went to a Styx Mr. Roboto concert. [FARK]

Pilar Sues Deion Sanders For $200 MILLION Because He “Mind Tricked” Her… “I’m Convinced I’m a Gold Diggin’ Ho!” - “These are not the bitches you’re looking for.” /waves hand around [Bossip]

Nephew Sues Uncle for Posting Embarrassing Photo on Facebook - “Would you recognize the man who made you make the duck-face? Is he in the courtroom right now?” [The FW]

What TV Show Do You Wish You Lived In? - Wow, that’s hard. Maybe ‘Family Matters’, because of how hard it is in real life to find love and tradition of the grand design. [Pajiba]

Seven Lies Perpetuated By Modern Cinema - This might’ve been written from the least cool perspective ever. Nobody kisses in the rain? Sex is bad? You can’t knock someone out easily? Speak for yourself, n00b. [Unreality]

"No creativity for you!"

Another day, another Super Bowl commercial released on the Internet. One of these days, I may reach out to an ad exec to ask why these companies spend $3.5 million and more to air their ads during the biggest sporting event of the year, only to show them on the Internet for weeks in advance. Until then, Acura is the latest company to “leak” its huge Super Bowl ad, and it’s clear that the car company is swinging for the fences in the wake of Honda’s Ferris Bueller revival. Acura enlisted comedian Jerry Seinfeld as a man hellbent on being the first person to receive whatever the company’s brand new model is, and the results are… a commercial.

I’m not much for the idea of criticizing commercials, as most of them suck. I’d say that 98% of regular, day-to-day commercials are absolutely horrible, and while Super Bowl ads used to be a time-honored tradition of creativity, they’re probably running a 60/40 good-to-suck ratio these days. Obviously, we’ve declared the Volkswagen “Dark Side” ads to be Hall-of-Famers with the “leaking” of this year’s ad teaser featuring dogs singing the Empire theme from Star Wars. But while I can appreciate a good Soup Nazi cameo, Acura isn’t giving me anything that I can’t already see every night on TBS and my local UPN channel. And Jay Leno? Ugh. Even if I could afford an Acura, this commercial would turn me off.

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Not that there’s anything wrong with that.

- Follow us on Twitter @withleather
- Follow me personally @MrBrandonStroud and Burnsy @MayorBurnsy
- Like us on Facebook.

Links

Five ’90s Comic Book Movies That Could Use a Reboot - None of them! No more comic book movies. It’s time to go back to actual books and makes the comics guys work for their money for a few years. I would like to see a new The Rocketeer, though. [Gamma Squad]

Incontrovertible Proof that Tom Cruise is Not Gay - Now contrast this with NASCAR guys, who’ll tell you that Jeff Gordon is gay because he’s mildly handsome. [Warming Glow]

Rihanna’s Smoking Something In Hawaii - I can’t wait until 30 years from now when she’s doing guest spots on Enzyte commercials. “Come on, rude boy! Get it up!” [Smoking Section]

Hanksy Brings Together Tom Hanks And Banksy. Finally. - Somebody do an Andy Warhol/Andy Griffith mash-up so I can laugh and clap my hands and pretend like the Internet was around in the 1960s. [UPROXX]

Andy Warhol At Gristede’s Supermarket, 1962 - Eh, close enough. [High Definite]

George Lucas Talks Retirement, Racism, And Nuking The Fridge - George Lucas should do a Barbara Walters special and admit that he’s just not very good at this, got pretty lucky 35 years ago and is happy to know Spielberg and Coppola. Also that his head looks like a throw pillow. [Gamma Squad]

Michelle Trachtenberg May Have A Sex Tape - Or a “walking around naked tape”, or something. Regardless, the Euro Trip fan in me as going !!!!!!! Uh, sorry, I meant “the Buffy fan”. [FARK]

25 People Who Thought SOPA Was About Soap - 25 people who thought NAFTA was about space travel! Make it happen, Buzzfeed! [Buzzfeed]

7 Sites You Should Be Wasting Time On Right Now - Good job, Burnsy. The most fitting end to my run at With Leather would be for HuffPo to buy UPROXX and fire me. They’re like the Clear Channel of the Internet. [HuffPost Comedy]

‘The Day the LOL Cats Died’ Is the Official Song of the SOPA Protests - I also would’ve accepted the Boxxy I AM NOT TROLLIN’ remix or something involving a Weird Al version of the Bed Intruder. [The FW]

The 11 Crappiest Movies of Kate Beckinsale’s Career - What’s weird is that I’d honestly be more interested in reading the “1 Good Movie Of Kate Beckinsale’s Career” list. Is it Laurel Canyon? No, it can’t be that. [Pajiba]

Couple Attempts to Explode a Car By Using Flaming Tampons - If this is viral marketing for Grand Theft Auto 5 I am so excited. [Brobible]

Links

NBC ‘Fixes’ Schedule by Removing ‘Community’ - I can’t wait for them to cancel ‘Parks and Recreation’ to replace it with something stupid about a single woman in the big city trying to balance a relationship and a career. [Warming Glow]

Six Seasons And A Movie: The Stages Of ‘Community’ Grief On The Internet - I’ve been at “not cool, not cool, not cool” all day, but I’m getting pretty close to one of those Annie screaming gifs. [UPROXX]

This Shirt Is So Streets Behind - Former Best and Worst of Raw column fill-in Andrew Johnson starts writing about a dumb new WWE shirt and ends up ranting about Community. This is what NBC is doing to us, people. [The John Report]

Depression Sets In II: 5 Songs Describing The NBA Lockout - To continue the theme of depression, basketball is gone forever. What’s next, is God going to cancel cupcakes? [Smoking Section]

The Best And Worst Of WWE Raw 11/14: Raw Gets Rocked - To continue the theme of depression, I had to watch three hours of The Rock trying to make things Twitter. If you haven’t read and commented yet, come on, go do that, would you? [With Leather]

The 10 Most Disgraceful Moments In MMA History - It must be horrible to be Kimbo Slice, fighting for a living but knowing deep down you couldn’t win a fight unless a helpless white guy was taking a dive. I could probably beat up Kimbo Slice. [Cage Potato]

Wear Your Nerditry With The DC Comics Collection By Converse - Not since the Portman-Kunis soccer jersey have I wanted a piece of clothing on the Internet as much as I want those Riddler shoes. Holy sh*t. [Gamma Squad]

Fake Anything Is Readying An Ad Campaign For All Of Your Inside Jokes - The fake Seinfeld movie posters are amazing. [UPROXX]

Twihards: Still Crazy After All These Years - The last Twilight movie should be full of guts and hardcore nudity and make us feel like assholes for not supporting it for the last five-or-whatever years. [Film Drunk]

The 10 Best Heavy D Videos - Also known as “every Heavy D video”, because every Heavy D video is the best. [Popcrush]

9 Athletes Who Are Way More Religious Than Tim Tebow - He’s not really that religious, he just prays a lot and hates abortions. He’s about as religious as the people in my family who never actually go to church. [The Smoking Jacket]

The Coolest 8-Bit Subway Station in the World - Why does this have to be so far away? [Unreality]