The NFL and Nike invited fans from all over the globe to New York City yesterday to unveil the league’s brand new uniforms, as they were presented by one player from each team. As we know, the league’s contract with Reebok expired recently – and not without some awkwardness – and Nike was ready to usher NFL players into a new era of slightly different alterations and aerodynamic thingamajiggies. Our Uproxxian colleague Gotty was on hand to check out the entire new collection, if you want to view the whistles and bells, but the only team that actually received a total makeover was the Seattle Seahawks.

In case you didn’t get to watch much Seahawks action last season, the old uniforms looked like this:

They’re not terrible by any means, but they do lack those essential things like ZAZZ!!! and BOOM POW ZING!!! Thankfully, Nike has a team of experts who majored in those fields at their secret underground universities in the Pacific Northwest, and they were able to give the Seahawks their much needed overhaul. I’m giving it an A+ with two snaps and a sugar shaker from my muffin maker.

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"Man, I can't wait to live in Kansas City."

On Friday, a very poor quality video of a guy in a white helmet throwing a football at Duke University showed up on YouTube and people were like, “Well Peyton Manning has a white helmet and he’s been hanging out at Duke, so it must be him!” And it makes sense that it’s Manning, because he has just a few days left before the Indianapolis Colts either owe him $28 million or have to cut him, and because of the new CBA the Colts can’t be at Duke to watch him throw the ball and prove that he’s healthy.

Instead, as the Internet’s greatest sports conspiracy theorists have noted, Manning could conveniently “leak” this video to show Colts owner Jim Irsay that all is good, as they say, in the hood, while also allowing the pack of rabid, quarterback-starved-teams drooling over a free agent Manning to witness his rehabilitation from a fourth neck surgery.

That Manning clan – full of the crafty ones, I tells ya.

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"Scenic, brah."

Of all the ideas that ESPN “Listen to me about everything” guru Bill Simmons has had, the one that has always made the most sense is that the Super Bowl should be hosted on a rotating basis with just cities like Miami, San Diego and New Orleans receiving the honor, because those are fun cities. Of course the primary argument to that is “What about New York, Boston, Chicago and all of the other large northern cities that also have NFL franchises?” and the appropriate response is simply “Brrrrrrrrrrrrr.”

Unless a northern city’s franchise plays in a dome (a la the Indianapolis Colts) there’s pretty much no chance in hell that it will play host to a Super Bowl soon. That is, unless Super Bowl XLVIII in New Jersey can change the league’s mind, and the city of Seattle hopes so, because people up there would love to play host for a week, despite the league’s tyrannical rules.

There are various minimum requirements for potential host stadiums, including a 70,000 seat capacity. CenturyLink Field has the capability to reach that mark. The league also set capacity for this year’s Super Bowl in Indianapolis at 68,000.

Another requirement calls for an average temperature of 50 degrees in the month of February for outdoor venues. Seattle’s average temperature in February is 44 degrees, but the owners waived the weather requirement for the 2014 Super Bowl in New Jersey. Many believe that the game at MetLife Stadium will be a strong litmus test for other outdoor stadiums in colder climates.

(Via Q13 Fox)

Most of my family lives in Washington, so I’m pretty familiar with Seattle and its awesomeness, and I’m absolutely signing on for this. For starters, don’t worry about seats, because Century Link Field has that covered, and it’s also one of the best venues I’ve ever been to. But it’s that stupid weather rule that people are going to point out, and I think it’s just wrong.

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After last week’s inaugural “Suck for Luck” Power(less) Rankings, Matt from Warming Glow was upset that I didn’t include a Seattle Seahawks logo on the banner image, and I thought that I should explain the exclusion since he can beat me up. You see, as I’ve stated previously, this is by no means a scientific method. In fact, it’s pretty simple to point out that the Miami Dolphins and Indianapolis Colts are going to be sucktastic on legendary levels this season and the Green Bay Packers are going to be really good.

But it takes a lot of extra thought to sort through those teams that are teetering on the edge of “holy sh*t they’re awful” and “it sucks that they’re going to win a few games.” Obviously, Seattle is not a good team, so the Seahawks very well could end up making Andrew Luck their No. 1 pick next year. The problem is, though, that they play in the NFC West and are bound to win 4 or 5 games just because of the terrible competition, as we witnessed yesterday.

So I offer my apologies to anyone who felt slighted about their sorry ass team’s ranking, but if these rankings offer us anything, it’s the blinding reality that the Dolphins will somehow screw themselves.

On to the suck!

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You may not be able to tell, but that image above is Photoshopped. Obviously Sidney Rice wasn’t wearing his Minnesota Vikings uniform when the Seattle Seahawks delivered his gigantic bag of cash yesterday, but we like to imagine that it was pretty similar. Rice, who missed most of last season after he delayed hip surgery stemming from an injury he sustained during the 2009-10 playoffs until a month before the season began, signed a 5-year deal with Seattle worth $44 million. $18.5 million of that money is guaranteed for the 24-year old receiver with one 1,000-yard season.

Welcome back, NFL. My how we’ve missed your economics.

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I receive a lot of emails from readers, happy or angry fans of this or that team, and mostly bill collectors who wonder why we don’t write more about a sport, or why I hate on certain athletes so much, or why I won’t pay my student loan, and I mostly ignore them because none of them are nice enough to include nude pics of their sisters. But every so often I receive an email that is so touching and heartfelt that I want to share it with everyone. Today is one of those days.

This email was sent by 9-year old Timmy Jenkins from Townsville City, Iowa…

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