Seventh-Grade Steelers Fan Sent Home From School

01.14.11 Written by JOSH Z

13-year-old Grendon Bailie (not pictured) was dismissed earlier today from Tacoma’s Truman Middle School after he decided to wear a Pittsburgh Steelers jersey on what the school designated a Seattle Seahawks spirit day. The school carved out an exception from its usually-strict dress code for its students to wear Seahawks colors, and apparently someone forgot to tell this kid that those do not include black or gold.

Now the seventh-grader says he feels it was unfair for the school to single him out for punishment, simply because he and his family are Steelers fans and not Seahawks fans.

“Not everyone is a Seahawks fan — and if they got to wear their team stuff then I should, too,” Grendon said.

But the school district says Grendon and all other students were warned on Thursday that anyone who didn’t want to wear Seahawks colors should wear their normal school uniform, which is limited to certain styles and colors of clothing.

–Seattle P-I.

I can’t find fault with the kid wanted to stand up and wear his own gear in the face of all of that Seahawks fandom, even if it is really, really tacky. Nor do I blame the school for punishing him. The only ones at fault here are the kid’s parents. Seriously, what the hell kind of name is “Grendon?” Does he turn into a lizard if you feed him after midnight? I can’t wait to visit this kid in ten years when he’s living in a sewer and honing his ninjitsu. Actually, yes I can.

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Breaking: Seahawks Still Suck

01.04.11 Written by JOSH Z

Despite winning the Big East NFC West with their win over the Rams on Sunday, the Seattle Seahawks still can’t get any respect from the rest of the league. Well, except from Drew Brees, who’s a very respectful fellow anyway. But new research has come to light suggesting that the Seahawks might be the worst playoff team ever, and we have statistical wunderkind Nate Silver of fivethirtyeight fame to thank for that:

According to the ratings compiled by Jeff Sagarin of USA Today, the Seahawks’ schedule was the fifth easiest in the league…They went 2-5 over their last seven games, defeating only the Rams and the Carolina Panthers, who finished their year at 2-14.

The more deeply one looks at the Seahawks, indeed, the worse they tend to appear: according to an advanced statistic known as Defense-adjusted Value Over Average, or D.V.O.A. — compiled by the geniuses at Football Outsiders — the Seahawks were actually the very worst team in the N.F.L. over the course of the regular season.

Seattle currently sit as 10.5-point ‘dogs for Saturday’s wild card tilt with Brees’s New Orleans Saints, and the Seahawks’ “success” at home might be enough for some folks to take those points. My unsolicited advice: resist. This is going to be a bloodbath, even if Matt Hasselbeck does play. But hey, enjoy that NFC West title and that extra home game, Seahawks fans. Because Roger Goodell will ban your entire division from the playoffs as soon as they get this CBA figured out.

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Seahawks (7-9) Annoy The World By Winning NFC West

01.03.11 Written by JOSH Z

In what was accurately set up as a “play-in game” for the NFL Playoffs, the Seattle Seahawks beat the St. Louis Rams to win the NFC West, one of the few division titles up for grabs heading into Sunday’s action. The ‘Hawks became the first NFL team ever to win their division or qualify for a post-season berth with more losses than wins.

“There is no apologies for making it into the playoffs. The easiest way to make it to the playoffs is to win your division, period, point-blank,” Seattle safety Lawyer Milloy said. “We did that.”

Most people can live with a 7-9 team in the playoffs, but a lot of folks are bent that Seattle will get a 4-seed in the NFC “bracket” and host a playoff game, while 10-6 teams like Tampa Bay and the New York Giants won’t be in the post-season at all. I’ve said it before; winning a division should give a team precedence over those that couldn’t, and the fact that it’s the Seahawks getting the nod will make their wild card game against the Saints all the more fun. We can leave those refugees in the Superdome for another week now. What’s that? There are no more refugees? I really need to start following things other than sports.

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The Transformers Have Sold Out: Meet Hawktimus Prime

08.26.10 Written by Shakey

hawktimus
Apparently the artist formerly known as Optimus Prime is a fan of poorly thrown footballs because he’s changed his allegiances from the protector of all humankind to the number one fan of the Seattle Seahawks. Decepticons everywhere will be sleeping a little snugger tonight knowing that the mightiest of all Autobots is now spending his days sexy dancing behind a couple of horrible white rappers as they crow about Steve Largent and their tattoos of the number twelve.

Though the rapping becomes unbearable after about a minute, the sight of a transformer gyrating around a suburban hedge makes me quite giddy. The fact that humanity is back at risk because one of the Autobots discovered football does not, but I’ll take the good with the bad. Plus this probably means Transformers III is probably cancelled, and another movie without Shia LaBeouf is another movie I can get behind.

VIDEO AFTER JUMP
Read the rest of this entry »

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Terrell Owens Is A Team Player

06.07.10 Written by Burnsy

Terrell Owens

Over the weekend, 36-year old free agent wide receiver and humble role player Terrell Owens told the NFL Network’s Rich Eisen that he hasn’t signed a deal because the media has unfairly portrayed him as a cancer in the locker room, an accusation that Owens vehemently denies. In related news, this has inspired me to promote world peace through the new program Dismissive Wanks Across America.

According to a variety of additional news outlets, Owens has been linked to a number of teams since NFL free agency began, including the Miami Dolphins, Oakland Raiders, Chicago Bears, Cincinnati Bengals, Baltimore Ravens, San Diego Chargers, and resigning with the Buffalo Bills. While both the local media and team representatives have denied it, Owens insists that the Seattle Seahawks remain the most interested of any teams in acquiring his services. Upon hearing this, Matt Hasselbeck’s last hair fell out.

Do sit-ups in your driveway, All Headline News:

Owens reportedly blamed his “hated persona” as the main cause of his failure to find a team willing to take his service next season.

Owens insisted his cancer image was far from his true personality as a teammate and a person.

“The teams I’ve been on, if you ask in that locker room how I’ve been as a teammate and as a person, it’s contradictory to what’s been displayed out there,” Owens told NFL Network Friday.

Having publicly questioned Jeff Garcia’s sexuality and famously blown up on Donovan McNabb on the sidelines during games, Owens at least has the endorsement of Bills QB Trent Edwards, who recently said that Owens was good teammate, despite, you know, Owens calling him out repeatedly for not throwing to him. T.O. also pointed out that the Bengals showing interest in him completely negates the assertion that he’s a behavioral liability. Seriously. The Bengals. He said that. I had to go back and read that like 15 times.

In the meantime, the Bengals signed Antonio Bryant, a player with myriad injuries and a history of coaching conflicts. The Ravens opted to trade for Anquan Boldin and signed Donte Stallworth, recently back from a one-year suspension after killing a man in a drunk driving incident. But T.O. said that ultimately he’d like to play with the Washington Redskins, as he claims that he and McNabb have talked about a reunion. McNabb, however, denied this, saying that he’d just like to see Owens back in Philadelphia.

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Seattle Says N-O To TO

05.27.10 Written by Ryan Walsh

toPete Carroll is bringing his super-chill coaching style to Seattle, which would have been perfect for a guy like all around good guy sitcom star Super Bowl champion with the Philadelphia Eagles fuck it, Terrell Owens. Unfortunately for TO, Seattle GM John Schneider says the chances of Terrell going to the Seahawks are low, like Amish BAC low.

Although the Seahawks have expressed what was described as “preliminary interest” in free agent wide receiver Terrell Owens, Seattle G.M. John Schneider says the chances of Owens actually signing with the team are remote. Schneider said the Seahawks don’t intend to offer Owens a contract unless “something drastic happens.” –PFT

Owens had probably the worst statistical season of his career last season in Buffalo. He’s getting older, but I’d credit his drop in numbers to having Trent Edwards throwing him the ball. Not to mention that TO probably wanted to shoot himself in the face living in upstate New York. I’d rather tie a steak to my member and stick it in a tiger’s mouth than live in Buffalo. Some classic TO antics after the jump. Read the rest of this entry »

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