Justin Smoak popped a fly ball into a fan’s beer during Wednesday’s Mariners game, so the fan did what anyone would — he chugged the beer. Or he poured it all over himself, one or the other. Regardless, those 16 fans at Safeco got a memory they’ll never forget! (via SportsBeat)

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I swear I’ve seen this video of an overzealous Seattle Mariners fan breaking it down with his young daughters in an empty stadium before, but I think that my mind may have just finally boiled over from spending way too much time on YouTube over the last 10 years. Either way, this real life Phil Dunphy and his two daughters were among the only people who stuck around to watch the Seattle Mariners pull off an 8-7 win over the Chicago White Sox in 10 innings at U.S. Cellular Field on Friday night.

And because it was Friday, they just wanted to DANCE… DANCE… DANCE.

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Since a run of four 90+ win seasons from 2000-2003, the Seattle Mariners have had just 2 winning seasons. While their fans certainly aren’t as maligned as those of the Cleveland Indians or Chicago Cubs, it’s still not very easy being a loyal moose in the Emerald City, especially with the team shipping out the beloved Ichiro Suzuki for greener pastures earlier this season. In fact, it’s safe to say that Mariners fans only have Felix Hernandez left to be proud of, and as long as he’s mowing them down at Safeco, they’re going to love him for it.

Enter: Felixing. As we watched King Felix pitch a perfect game last Wednesday, fans around the world are now celebrating the 26-year old by taking Tebowing behind the barn in favor of Felixing, which honors his celebratory “Where the Wild Things Are” victory pose. The pose has even caught on with Pearl Jam lead singer Eddie Vedder, who would qualify for the upcoming updates to my Interactive Celebrity Fan Tracker, if he’d simply decide which team he’s actually a fan of.

But aside from that, it’s nice to see those crazy kids in the Pacific Northwest celebrating something these days. Hopefully we’ll soon see Ufford introduce Tavarising, which is a bag-packing pose.

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Yesterday I wrote a little about sexy Australian hurdler Michelle Jenneke, and how we’d helped make her life miserable by exposing her to the creepy nooks of sexy and parody on the Internet. That got me thinking a lot about Kate Upton, a woman who purposefully used the Internet to wedge herself into those nooks, and how she’d been cyclically berated and celebrated by the Internet all year. Then I thought a little more about her, and I had to lie down.

The go-to spot online for bizarre online worship (assuming you don’t want a Chan page popping up in your browser history) is DeviantArt.com, a place where people of varying artistic ability upload their work, mention how they put no effort into it and showed it to you for no reason, then obsessively beg you for praise. So, uh … it’s like a blog, but in crappy sketch form.

Anyway, with Kate’s rise to prominence in 2012 via Sports Illustrated and Cat Daddying comes an increase presence on DeviantArt, so I’ve put together a collection of my favorite pieces. Inside: Kate being beaten up by Street Fighter characters, a little tentacle porn and a Nightmare On Elm Street crossover.

Yeah, I don’t know either.

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The New York Yankees bounced back from their humiliating 4-game sweep at the hands of the Oakland Athletics over the weekend by not only beating the Seattle Mariners 4-1 on the field, but also by crushing the spirit of the entire city. In what can only be described as one of those baseball trades that “had to be done for the sake of the aging star”, the Mariners traded their franchise superstar Ichiro Suzuki to the Yankees for a pair of prospects and hopefully a can of Pringles, because they’re delicious.

What made this trade so remarkable wasn’t that it even happened in the first place, but that it went down before the Yankees came to Safeco Field and played the Mariners. That’s like the Patriots trading Tom Brady to the Jets on a Sunday morning or the Lakers trading Kobe Bryant to the Celtics on Christmas Day. But this is ultimately about the star who gave all and received very little from his team in return. As Ichiro said:

“I am going from a team with the most losses (in the American League) to a team with the most wins,” he said. “It’s hard to contain my excitement for that reason.”

Ichiro was greeted with a standing ovation and probably enough misty eyes to fill a second Puget Sound, as he belted a single up the middle for his first at-bat as a Yankee. And there goes another one, a Mariners legend, like Ken Griffey Jr. and Alex Rodriguez before him, gone without fulfilling an Emerald City dream of winning a World Series.

Death Cab for Cutie front man Ben Gibbard knows how Mariners fans must feel right now, as he has finally released a song that he wrote about Ichiro a few years ago, called “Ichiro’s Theme”. Like to hear it? Here it goes.

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This photo, which I probably should’ve shared without comment, was taken at Sunday’s “Star Wars Day At The Ballpark” game between the Tampa Bay Rays and Seattle Mariners at Tropicana Field. Pictured left to right: Darth Maul, 81-year old Rays senior advisor Don Zimmer, Darth Vader. Ghosts of Obi-Wan Kenobi, Yoda and Wade Boggs are somewhere in the background.

Anyway, Last Angry Fan’s headline for the shot was “Judging by this picture of the three Sith Lords, it looks like the Emperor has really let himself go”. My first thought (as the same nerd who devoted 21 pages to a Saved By The Bell sports retrospective) was, “he doesn’t look like the Emperor, he looks like Darth Vader did when he unmasked in Jedi“. 30 -year old spoiler alert, by the way.

I’m going to leave it up to the 10 of you who like Star Wars and baseball. Is Don Zimmer more like unmasked Darth Vader, or more like Emperor Palpatine? Evidence for both choices follows.

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