Jaguars wide receiver Dennis Northcutt is being sued by a former girlfriend, Sharri Henry, who claims he hired a goon to beat her up. At the time, Henry was four months pregnant. The two sides of the story from TMZ:

Northcutt’s agent, Jerome Stanley, told TMZ, “This was nothing but a desperate shakedown by a jilted ex-girlfriend who is claiming to be pregnant with his child.” Stanley says Henry is upset because Northcutt dumped her for another girl. As for the assault, Stanley says, “She verbally antagonized the guy who hit her.” He says Northcutt knew nothing about the attack until after it happened.

Henry’s lawyer, Loyst P. Fletcher, just gave TMZ the following statement: “Mr. Northcutt and his entourage, which included his current girlfriend, were apparently angry that Miss Henry refused to abort a child that she believed he fathered. Words were exchanged and a member of that entourage, whom we believe is Mr. Northcutt’s cousin, viciously attacked Miss Henry.” She’s now 7 months pregnant.

So she didn’t even lose the baby? What’s the big deal?

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Matt Jones has been an unequivocal failure at receiver, even for the standards of a white receiver, since the Jaguars drafted the 6' 6" former Arkansas QB with their first-round pick in 2005. So if you can't hack playing well right, you might as well be a spectacular failure. Jones took an important stride towards that goal yesterday as he got arrested for cocaine possession.

The Washington County Sheriff's Office says officers arrested Jones and two other men as they sat in a Toyota 4Runner in an unlit parking lot in a known drug area.

The preliminary arrest report shows an officer saw Jones sitting in the back seat of the car with a white card with a white powdery substance on it, and a credit card in his other hand.

The officer said he opened the door and asked Jones to "put his hands where he could see them."

Authorities say Jones didn't comply right away and hid his left hand. The officer drew his gun and ordered Jones out of the vehicle. Jones got out and the officer put him in handcuffs.

A second officer placed the other two men under arrest. They're identified as Benjamin Cook, 26, and Jared Hicks, 25.

Uh-oh, Matt Jones is back liked cooked crack! Or is that back with Cook's coke? Either way, doing white powder off a white card, huh? At least Jones was trying to make his drug taking both stupid and difficult. Just the kind of versatility he shows in the pros by displaying ideal size and race-appropriate suckage.

ESPN hired Cris Carter to join its team of talking meatheads/NFL "analysts," and the man who got pushed out is none other than penis-photographing, John Clayton-abusing former inept quarterback Sean Salisbury.  Awful Announcing has our requisite quote:

Salisbury: “I want to thank ESPN for 12 great years of talking football on TV and the radio. I have grown as much as I can at ESPN and decided to expand my horizons. I have created a brand and it’s time to expand into other opportunities in TV, radio, Internet, publishing, movies and public speaking, among others.

So there you have it.  Pretty amicable, right?  Except then he talked to the LA Times.

"I've been liberated. I knew this was coming, but I couldn't be happier. I'd grown tired of being punished for not being an NFL superstar. Analysts who don't work as hard as me, don't prepare as hard as me, and don't have my resume were making more than me just because of their ability to throw or catch a football."

Well, shit.  I was gonna make fun of him, but now I kinda feel like he's a human being with a legitimate beef.  And he photographed that legitimate beef with his cell phone.  Oh SNAP!  I totally went there, sister!

New England fans surely took heart when Pats owner Robert Kraft announced that he would honor 14-year-old Anna Grant before the AFC Championship game in order to make amends for the Colts fans that so cruelly booed her last Sunday.  Those monsters!  How could they do such a thing?  Why, Patriots fans would never stoop so low! Why, just look at the good Samaritans that stopped to help some Jaguars fans after last Saturday's game in Foxborough.

“I was wearing my Tedy Bruschi jersey and my friend Jeff had a Tom Brady shirt on,” Brian Wormstead said. “But my cousins, who flew up for the game from Jacksonville, were wearing Jaguars gear. Suddenly, two guys behind us start mouthing off, just being obnoxious. So I turned around and said, ‘C’mon, we just won the game. These are my cousins from Florida. Let’s just have a nice night, OK?’ ” Then he turned back.

Tanya Watson, 35, Brian’s cousin, decribes what happened next. “They hit him from behind,” she said. “And when Jeff stepped in, they knocked him to the ground. My husband Chris was walking ahead of us; when he saw what was happening he came running. So Chris gets one of these guys in a headlock, trying to pull him away, and while they’re on the ground, someone else kicks him in the head. That’s how he got the black eye and swollen cheek. My husband never got hit by the ones who started it; he got hit by the ones passing by.”

That's amazing, right?  Those other Pats fans didn't have to help out, but they did.  They stopped and took the time to kick the people who were greatly outnumbered and in danger.  Just like it says in the Bible.

[Big Cat Country] 

"It's your basic Statue of Liberty play with one twist: you throw it to me! Knute Rockne called it the forward pass."

Patriots' fans are agog about this, but even Krusty the Clown and Boise St. could run this play. I'd rather watch the video after the jump . . .

I don't know who this demeans more, referees or cheerleaders. If either group could be demeaned any more, that is. One thing is for sure, I'd rather spend an evening with the Jags' cheerleading squad than with the Statue of Liberty. That French trollop will let any wretched refuse through her skirts. -KD

Steelers' linebacker Larry Foote is accusing the Jags' offensive line of holding on David Garrard's 32-yard 4th down scramble that set up Josh Scobee's game-winning field goal:

"I don't want to get fined, but watch the long quarterback sneak," Foote said. "Watch the middle of the defensive line and you'll see. You'll see it. Watch what happens in the middle of the field. … You see a big old hole open up and you'll see the reason why."

Was it because they were getting blocked? Ha, just kidding Larry. But aren't there players that back the defensive line to insure a slow QB doesn't run a third of the field? I can't remember what those guys are called. Anyway, the Steelers came back in this game? I turned it off when the Jags went up 28-10, and resumed my research of the Jags' #1 fan in Beyond the Call of Booty 2. -KD