You know what f**king sucks? Wearing pants. Especially when you’re trying to golf.

If Johnson Wagner wants to wag his Johnson while he’s playing, who am I to stand in his way? That’s what the fine men and I’m assuming additional men over at Ashworth golf apparel think, and they’ve issued a “Pants Petition” asking the PGA to allow golfers the right to wear shorts. An actual petition. Golf pros Retief Goosen, Justin Rose, Sean O’Hair and Justin Leonard have thrown in to help the petition make a difference, because the only thing preventing a normal man from golf greatness is lower-leg coverage.

Sure, I can hear some of you now. “If we let golfers golf in shorts, what’s next? Golfing in their underwear? WHAT’S STOPPING SOMEONE FROM TRYING TO PLAY ON THE PGA TOUR WITH THEIR DOG??” You’re on the wrong side of history, folks. In 40 years when only the most regressive squares wear slacks on the links, you’re gonna look back and think “man, I should’ve signed that Internet petition.” I promise you will think that.

[h/t to Sportress]

The chances of getting hit in the temple by a flying golf ball during the AT&T National are pretty slim — most golfers are able to properly drive a ball off the tee, and most spectators are aware enough to move out of the way. The chances of getting hit by a flying golf ball and having it indirectly diagnose a malignant tumor on your thyroid gland is even more rare, but hey, I’m not telling you anything you don’t already know.

During last year’s 18th hole at Aronimink Golf Club, former PGA rookie of the year Sean O’Hair hit a wayward shot off the tee and struck 25-year old spectator Chris Logan in the side of the head. As Philly.com reveals, the sh:tty excuse for golf was a blessing in disguise.

As emergency medical technicians hustled him to a nearby tent to be examined, Logan had no idea this would be the luckiest day of his life.

While checking him out for a concussion, a doctor inquired about a lump just below his throat and urged him to visit his family doctor to get it checked out. The lump turned out to be a malignant tumor on his thyroid. He underwent two surgeries less than six weeks after being struck by the ball.

And now, a year later, Logan is completely cancer-free and spending quality time during this year’s practice round with the golfer who saved his life. I’m always happy to read positive stories like this, and who knows, maybe those women Tiger Woods slept will waltz into a Planned Parenthood and come out knowing they’d accidentally contracted gout. All of them.

[h/t Devil Ball Golf]