When Sean Avery announced his internship at Vogue this summer, it seemed like the kind of idiotic premise Hollywood producers would make a horrible movie out of.  Oh hey guess what?

Do real men wear Prada?  New Line Cinema will presumably answer that question in a film about professional hockey player Sean Avery’s experiences in the fashion world, including his stint as a summer intern at a fashion magazine…

The movie will be a romantic comedy.

And it will be delightful, I’m sure.  I never tire of learning about the different ways people in fashion are shallow and mean.  So far we’ve had a movie about an awkward “smart” girl who makes her way through the fashion industry, and there’s also a TV show about an ugly girl making her way through the fashion industry, and now there’s gonna be a movie about a big tough hockey player making his way through the fashion industry.  There’s still lots of tread on those tires, Hollywood.  What if a vampire tried to make his way through the fashion industry?  No wait!  A zombie!  Or how about a dinosaur?  A robot dinosaur!!!!  That would be totally ZANY AND HILARIOUS!!!

[Uproxx synergy: FILMDRUNK]

I try to avoid two hockey stories in the same day, much less two stories about metrosexual tough guy Sean Avery, but this one I did not see coming: Avery apparently used his shorts-suit to snag a cougar 23 years his senior.  The definitely always accurate Page Six says:

[Avery] is now dating Calvin Klein's ex-wife, Kelly Klein, 51. But Avery, 28, may not get much time to see her now that he's playing for the Dallas Stars. The hockey hunk, en route to Texas, was alone at p.r. guru Paul Wilmot's dinner at the Chateau Marmont Wednesday night and drowned his heartache in Ciroc vodka cocktails while being amused by Mary-Kate Olsen, James Marsden and Kate Bosworth.

Hmmmm… so the fashion-obsessed young social climber is hooking up with a well-connected and extremely wealthy older benefactor?  He really did learn a lot interning at Vogue.

(Photo: Getty Images) 

Former New York Ranger, current Dallas Star and future STD-related death Sean Avery learned a lot of fashion tips from the myriad prostitutes from which he got diseases to give to Elisha Cuthbert. Now he's applying those to his internship at Vogue, where he wants everyone to dress like a Hot Cop. As the New York Times revealed in one of those wishy-washy trend pieces, he's one of the leading proponents of the business even-more-casual look of shorts to the office. 

Then the bare ankle migrated from country-club Saturdays to meeting-room Mondays and suddenly men, whether shod in wingtips or loafers, were widely seen without socks. Now it appears that, after some stops and starts in recent seasons, the men of the white collar work force are marching into the office in shorts.

When the hockey star Sean Avery took an internship at Vogue earlier this summer, the work uniform that the fashion-besotted left wing chose included a shorts suit that showcased his athletic calves.

“Why go to work and be hot?” he asked last week, adding that there was no compelling business reason to look modest and dull on the job. “You can look good and not have that boring-type look,” said Mr. Avery, who signed with the Dallas Stars this summer after several seasons with the Rangers. “Why are women allowed to do it and not men?”

Ah, that old standby. How many times has Avery invoked it? Like when he wanted to go down on Jaromir Jagr. Or when he tried to flirt his way out of a speeding ticket. Or tried to conceal a small bag of drugs in his vagina going through airport security. Sorry, there are just different standards of conduct between the genders. For example, women can be dead hookers and men can tell dead hooker jokes. It's just that simple.

Much has been made of New York Rangers heel Sean Avery interning at Vogue this summer, but we haven't really gotten an insider's look at how the bruiser is surviving in the cutthroat fashion world.  Freelancer Susan Kirschbaum (also responsible for the photo above) spoke to Avery at an art fundraiser Monday night, where he raved about his coming trip to Paris with his bud "Anna" (aka Anna Wintour, the ruling ice queen of fashion) to see Chanel, Dior, and Gaultier.

Kirschbaum, reasonably suspicious or perhaps just playing up stereotypes, asked him if he was sure he wasn't gay.  Avery assured her of his straightness, then departed with this nugget: "I'm going home to jerk off to you now."  And Gawker kindly came through with these additional details:

A tipster tells us that Avery added "And that's a big compliment," and later text messaged Kirschbaum saying that "the session is going well."

Aww dude, you blew it!  Don't text her right away!  You're supposed to wait two days before telling a girl you masturbated to her.  Well, it doesn't have to be exactly two days.  I think the window is after two days, but BEFORE the restraining order takes effect.

Food Court Lunch has assembled a fine gallery of notable vanity plates that are adorning the vehicles of professional athletes. Funny how sports figures would all get license plates that savage mockable aspects of their public persona. Maybe they're more self-aware than we give them credit. There are plenty more than the ones we included above, so be sure to give the rest a look. FCL should be commended for not including the "Taxation Without Representation" D.C. plate. Stupid whiny District!

It should also be noted that all these plates were made by Michael Vick. Prison isn't all playing football against the guards and getting raped. There's work too.

I tried to avoid this story because it's an obvious ploy for attention and — even worse — it's about hockey, but here it is: New York Rangers bad boy Sean Avery will serve as an unpaid intern at Vogue magazine this summer, meaning that he's moving from one dying industry right into another.

Avery, who makes $2 million a year with the Rangers and has cavorted with starlets since his days with the Los Angeles Kings, initiated the contact with Vogue editor Anna Wintour. "He is ridiculously obsessed with fashion," Avery's publicist Nicole Chabot told ABCNews.com. "He loves it more than anything in the world. It's something he has always wanted to do."

Chabot admits Avery is an agitator in the "old-style" of hockey and a "blabber mouth," but off ice the player is "surprisingly articulate, creative and savvy," she said. He's also charming, she noted. "There is not a woman that doesn't fall in love with him in five minutes."

Chabot must not be up to speed on her blog-reading, because Sean Avery is pretty much the only dude to ever get turned down by Paris Hilton.

And dude, I don't care how much you love Project Runway, no straight man — even a millionaire sports star — should ever try to brave the Vogue offices.  Those stylish, thin creatures working there only look like women; they've long since lost any connection to humanity.  It's like going to work in a beehive, if you filled a beehive with cats.