Less than two weeks ago, Sean Avery said other NHL players picked up his “sloppy seconds.” Certainly not classy, but well within the realm of expectations for a mouthy agitator like Avery. Now, as if his six-game suspension wasn’t draconian enough, Stars GM Brett Hull — Avery’s roommate during his rookie season — has announced that Avery will not play for Dallas again.
“We don’t want to ruin Sean or his career. We want him to get better,” Hull said. “The team needs to move on and start winning and he needs to take care of himself. … As a hockey player, I think there’s no question he can be an asset. That said, he’s got to fix the demons he has. It becomes such a huge distraction that it almost takes away from his ability to play the game.”
The move comes after Stars coach Dave Tippett and team leaders Mike Modano and Marty Turco all said they didn’t want Avery back, leaving Hull to renege on the 4-year, $15.5M deal he gave Avery.
All because he said “sloppy seconds.” That blows my mind. I could write “sloppy seconds” on this blog and it would be the 57th-least offensive thing I wrote on any given day. Assuming I met my daily quota for Gypsy-extermination jokes. Who wants those filthy transients around anyway?
Even before Sean Avery’s “sloppy seconds” comment got him suspended, he was widely reviled as a weaselly asshole. The final twelve seconds of the above video, which show Avery jawing with a fan on October 11th, is just one example of fans not liking him (and vice versa). In a pretty awesome piece of grassroots journalism, FanHaus’s Eric McErlain tracked down and interviewed that fan, 59-year-old Sandie Griffith, a Predators season ticket holder since the franchise’s inception.
Griffith insisted to me that while she taunted Avery, she never used foul language. So what was Avery’s response? According to Griffith, Avery said, “You’re nothing but an old f**king c*nt, I wouldn’t even c*m in your face.” After which he sprayed her with his water bottle.
I have to hand it to Avery. I’ve been using foul language with misogynistic overtones on this blog every day for well over two years now, and I’ve never written anything as bad as that. And I’m hidden away in my apartment behind a computer screen; he said it to her face. He’s so brave!
A day after being suspended, NHL heel Sean Avery predictably apologized for his off-color comments about other players picking up his “sloppy seconds.” Apologies must be awesome if you’re a pro athlete. You don’t actually have to face anyone and say you’re sorry. Just have the team’s publicist fill in the details to the form apology letter and let them release it to the press wires.
“I should not have made those comments and I recognize that they were inappropriate. It was a bad attempt to build excitement for the game, but I am now acutely aware of how hurtful my actions were. I caused unnecessary embarrassment to my peers as well as people I have been close with in the past.”
It goes on like that for a while, with specific apologies to his teammates, fans, the league, Canada, the director of The Girl Next Door, Rod Stewart, and so on until you can practically see Sean Avery reading it over and making a wanking motion.
In related news, The Sporting Blog found this fun poll that was part of a FOXSports.com story on Avery. I’m not sure what they mean by “going five-hole.” If they’re trying to insinuate something, I’m not sure where the fifth hole is. Or even the fourth hole. Although I guess in hockey the five-hole is between the goalie’s– OH MY GOD THEY’RE TALKING ABOUT VAGINAS.
Dallas Stars forward Sean Avery, famous for being a colossal dick on the ice, added to his infamy off of it with his comments regarding his ex-girlfriends and other NHL players (past flames Elisha Cuthbert and Rachel Hunter are now with the Flames’ Dion Phaneuf and the Kings’ Jarret Stoll, respectively). In case you missed it, he offered this up to reporters before anyone asked him a question:
“I just want to comment on how it’s become like a common thing in the NHL for guys to fall in love with my sloppy seconds. I don’t know what that’s about, but enjoy the game tonight.”
In response, NHL commissioner Gary Bettman has suspended Avery indefinitely. Seriously: indefinitely. Which is awesome. Because let’s face it, what he said was kinda true and not really all that bad. He basically got suspended because everyone’s tired of him being a dick.
Also, I think you technically forfeit the right to use the term “sloppy seconds” if you’ve ever hit on Paris Hilton.
UPDATE: Video of the statement after the jump. Read the rest of this entry »
When Sean Avery announced his internship at Vogue this summer, it seemed like the kind of idiotic premise Hollywood producers would make a horrible movie out of. Oh hey guess what?
Do real men wear Prada? New Line Cinema will presumably answer that question in a film about professional hockey player Sean Avery’s experiences in the fashion world, including his stint as a summer intern at a fashion magazine…
The movie will be a romantic comedy.
And it will be delightful, I’m sure. I never tire of learning about the different ways people in fashion are shallow and mean. So far we’ve had a movie about an awkward “smart” girl who makes her way through the fashion industry, and there’s also a TV show about an ugly girl making her way through the fashion industry, and now there’s gonna be a movie about a big tough hockey player making his way through the fashion industry. There’s still lots of tread on those tires, Hollywood. What if a vampire tried to make his way through the fashion industry? No wait! A zombie! Or how about a dinosaur? A robot dinosaur!!!! That would be totally ZANY AND HILARIOUS!!!
[Uproxx synergy: FILMDRUNK]
I try to avoid two hockey stories in the same day, much less two stories about metrosexual tough guy Sean Avery, but this one I did not see coming: Avery apparently used his shorts-suit to snag a cougar 23 years his senior. The definitely always accurate shorts-suit to snag a cougar 23 years his senior. The definitely always accurate Page Six says:
[Avery] is now dating Calvin Klein's ex-wife, Kelly Klein, 51. But Avery, 28, may not get much time to see her now that he's playing for the Dallas Stars. The hockey hunk, en route to Texas, was alone at p.r. guru Paul Wilmot's dinner at the Chateau Marmont Wednesday night and drowned his heartache in Ciroc vodka cocktails while being amused by Mary-Kate Olsen, James Marsden and Kate Bosworth.
Hmmmm… so the fashion-obsessed young social climber is hooking up with a well-connected and extremely wealthy older benefactor? He really did learn a lot interning at Vogue.
(Photo: Getty Images)
