According to People Magazine, NBA Player to be Named Later Marko Jaric and Brazilian supermodel Adriana secretly eloped on Valentine’s Day. In related news, God clubbed a thousand baby seals and invented a deadly new STD, because why stop when He’s on a roll like this?
Adriana Lima, a Brazilian supermodel and a Victoria’s Secret Angel, eloped with NBA star [sic] Marko Jaric on Feb. 14 in Jackson Hole, Wyo., in a small, private civil ceremony, PEOPLE confirms exclusively.
“We are so excited about our future together,” says Lima. “And we are really looking forward to a big romantic wedding this summer with all of our friends and family.”
The pair, who want their next wedding celebration in Brazil or Jaric’s native Serbia, met in 2006 and were engaged last June on Lima’s 27th birthday.
Theoretically, this should make all of us feel better about ourselves. If a rat-faced Slav with no discernible star power can land one of the most famous models on the planet, I should be able to travel back in time to 1960 and have a three-way with Brigitte Bardot and Sophia Loren. And yet here’s my penis, all alone in 2009. Time to start drinking. I think I’ve got some cooking wine under the sink. Oh, no cooking wine? This bleach’ll do.
(Photos from last September and the ESPYs in July. Additional galleries here and here)
Kobe Bryant fell down during a single play in the preseason, and the Kings’ Beno Udrih subsequently made a jump shot, which immediately raises the question: is Beno Udrih the best basketball player in the world? And I think the evidence here is pretty indisputable. Sure, Kobe was the linchpin to America’s return to glory, but the video doesn’t lie. You don’t see anyone trying to argue that Craig Ehlo is better than Michael Jordan, do you?
Alleged NBA basketball player Marko Jaric brought his fiancee Adriana Lima with him to the ESPYs last night, and it’s easy to see why a gorgeous Brazilian lingerie model would fall for him. How could any woman say no to such a handsome fellow? That thin, stringy hair! The close-set piggy eyes! The slow-growing hint of mustache and soul patch — why, it’s like he’s an adolescent pirate! Throw in his 8.3 points per game for NBA powerhouse Minnesota Timberwolves (and now the Grizzlies), and you’ve got what may very well be the perfect man. I admit, I’m a little jealous of Adriana. What a lucky gal.
(More ESPY photos on the way)
