Scottie Pippen shows off his latest business acquisition.

The famous American poet Christopher Wallace once wrote: “It’s like the more money we come across, the more problems we see.” If that is indeed the case, then Scottie Pippen has been problem free since 2002, as it was recently revealed in court that the Harpo to Michael Jordan’s Groucho has lost a huge deal of his career earnings in bad business decisions over the last eight years. In related news, I bought some Mac & Cheese last week and now it’s 2-for-1 at Publix.

Pippen was awarded a $2 million verdict on Monday, putting an end to a malpractice lawsuit the former Chicago Bull filed against the lawfirm of Pedersen & Houpt. Pippen was originally seeking $8.3 million as he alleged that the lawyers did a bad job of managing his purchase of a private jet in 2002, as well as other various investments. The jury’s decision was obviously considerably less than what Pippen was seeking, mainly because they think Pippen is full of doodie.

Tell me about these motorized icebergs, Chicago Sun-Times:

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I find it pretty hard to believe that Scottie Pippen is having financial trouble, given his ability to sell gigantic erect hoagies to women. 

[The Blowtorch via FanHaus] 

Scottie Pippen wants another ring:

"I know that I have the skills," Pippen said. "I think it's sort of been on my mind the last couple of months. It's just about me going out and polishing my skills."

Yeah, that sounds about right.  He does have the skills, and all he has to do is polish them up.  You've convinced me Scottie.

Pippen has been working out in Fort Lauderdale, Fla., during the winter, and he believes the time is right to add his experience and defensive prowess to a contending club, perhaps in Miami or San Antonio.

Wait a second, Fort Lauderdale?  Don't tell me you've been playing Nerf Hoop at the Senior Rec Center with Saul and Morrie.  Saul does have a good set shot, but he's not DWade man.  I already have to defend your selfish tantrum at the end of '94 and your penurious manner, so please, for my sake, keep your mouth shut in Vegas and go Vincent Antonelli on the waitresses. -KD