A top ten ranked college football team lost to an unranked opponent yesterday. (Yawn.)  What made Vanderbilt's upset of South Carolina particularly satisfying was that a Steve Spurrier-coached team lost and the Commodores win rendered their losing by less than a certain number of points a moot issue.  My heart enjoyed the former upside, and my bleeding ulcer appreciated the latter.

USC strong safety Emanuel Cook also could not get his head around losing to Vandy. “That’s the sorriest team in the SEC we lost to,” Cook said. “We should’ve won that game.”

I like how they have the same word or acronym that describes something completely in some areas of the South.  Everywhere else in the country, 'USC' means 'Southern Cal'.  It's similar to how they refer to a 'daily shower' when they really mean a 'monthly bath'.  Anyway, Vanderbilt is pretty sorry on the gridiron.  When are they going to create that college football super conference of crappy football squads of schools that analysts always say have "good academics"? Vanderbilt, Duke, Stanford, Northwestern and . . . who would the Big XII and Big East representatives be? On second thought, every conference and bleeding ulcer likes a patsy. -KD 

I'm going to have to attend to Confession now because I feel guilty for laughing at these kids doing face-plants.  The priest always becomes so indignant when I describe these damn YouTubes.  Although, he may like this one because it involves boys going down and balls (Jawas may have filmed this video): 

The refs should replace 1 of 5 shots with a cement ball during an OT shootout in soccer.  Just think what watching someone snap his tibia and fibula would do for soccer's popularity in this country.  Before Joe Theisman's dramatic broken leg, everyone thought he was an egotistical prick, but look at how the American sporting fan embraces him now. -KD

I was practicing drinking mint juleps last night, so I thought this was part of my nightmare.  But Deadspin reminded me it wasn't: 

You may remember I'm a White Sox fan sexy readers, but even I think this is a little funny.  You know what else, the White Sox haven't won in a week.  Woo, that's hilarious!  And the Southsiders have the lowest team batting average in the the Major Leagues.  Stop, you're killing me!  Seriously, stop. To make matters worse, I made an ill-advised deal with my girlfriend that I would only watch the Sox three times a week if they fell below .500.  I hired a Mathemagician to trick her that 12-14 is really above .500, but he failed.  In fact, I think that guy was just a hobo who had written a bunch of sixes on his jacket.  Anyway, I dumped her to watch poorly played baseball, so there's a new Pale Hose fan on the market ladies.  Emphasis on "Pale". -KD