To say that things aren’t going well for the Orlando Magic would be an incredible understatement. Since defeating the Indiana Pacers on Jan. 24, the team has fallen into a four-game skid that if defined as abysmal would be a compliment. But it all actually started the night before that win, when the Magic produced a pathetic 56-point performance in a loss to the Boston Celtics. That Monday night game should be remembered as the moment the Magic crumbled.

To be fair, the 66-game schedule hasn’t been kind to many teams at this point, with back-to-backs packed in like strippers in a trunk. But for the Magic – with my obvious homer status aside – it’s been a fascinating season with only 21 games behind them. And it all starts with the man who set the tone for Orlando’s season by requesting a trade, Dwight Howard.

After last night’s hideous 74-69 loss to the Philadelphia 76ers (and the game was a lot worse than that score suggests), Howard maintained that his team can win, but he still wants to play for a team that can win.

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There are a few types of stories I try not to miss — baseball players in drag, pets who have miraculously found their way home after natural disasters — but the best story of all is the one where a Philadelphia sports fan is acting like a butthole and gets hit or shocked or shot with something.

Via Puck Daddy:

During the first round of the 2011 Eastern Conference Playoffs, a Philadelphia Flyers fan taunted the Buffalo Sabres during warm-ups before a game at Wells Fargo Center, and the Sabres responded by plunking a few pucks off the glass at this pest.

Eventually, it was time for 6-foot-7 defenseman Tyler Myers to offer his rejoinder — with smashing results.

I don’t want to piss off the “no fan deserves this” or “there were kids sitting nearby who could’ve gotten hurt” crowds, but I feel it’s my obligation as a guy who has calmly loved and followed sports his entire life to find some level of schadenfreude in the unfortunate events that befall the people who won’t shut up during them. And also Flyers fans.

Dear Cleveland, all of Northeast Ohio and Cleveland Cavaliers supporters wherever you may be tonight;

As you now know, our former hero, who grew up in the very region that he deserted last year, is no longer a Cleveland Cavalier. He plays for the Miami Heat, and because the Heat lost the NBA Finals, Governor John Kasich has drafted a proclamation making the Dallas Mavericks, assumedly even the ones like Caron Butler, honorary Ohioans.

Ack, sorry, I can’t keep up the Comic Sans. Who types like that, honestly? Anyway, the Governor’s proclamation is more or less childish schadenfruede (can schadenfruede be childish? Do you have to enjoy the ill-will of a child?) and should be taken with a grain of salt. Although if I was Jason Kidd (or whoever), I’d move to Dayton (or wherever) and use this as an explanation for why I shouldn’t have to update my driver’s license. I enjoy a good Nelson Muntz-style NYAH HA as much as the next guy, and as someone who lived in Cleveland for four years and considered but ultimately decided against buying both LeBron James AND Shaq jerseys I should find this hilarious. And sure, I do, but not as much as if metropolitan Akron had just stepped back and smirked while LeBron baked in his own slightly-less-great-than-God agony.

Ohio should keep doing this and make Art Modell everyone who played ’97 Florida Marlins honorary Michiganians.

[Proclamation pic courtesy of OTB]

Michael Wardian formerly held the world's fastest time for running a marathon on a treadmill, and he sought to regain it this past weekend in a Virginia running store.  It went pretty well for most of the "race," then things kinda fell apart.

Wardian ran 2:09:15 through 24 miles (a pace of 5:23 per mile), almost 30 seconds ahead of world record pace. Wardian slowed on the 25th mile, running a 5:40 mile, then inexplicably shut the treadmill off with just over a mile to go. He apparently thought he had finished the 26.2 mile marathon.

After being told there was still over a mile to go, Wardian increased the treadmill speed back up to run the last 1.2 miles. At that point, he began to stagger and was having trouble keeping his footing. At 25.9 miles he stopped the treadmill and collapsed. His time at 25.9 miles was 2:22:35. He was .3 miles short of finishing the marathon.

DC Sport Bog sums it up nicely:

Talk about agony of defeat; running in place for 98.9 percent of a marathon, for no prize money and not even a certificate of completion, in front of only a handful of people, some of whom were just trying to buy sneakers, and then collapsing within sniffing distance of the record, with only 30 or 40 people in a suburban running store there to witness your near-miss.

And people think being a blogger is pointless.  Hell, at least more than 40 people read this site.  Well, on a good day.

Alright, the West Virginia star cager didn't actually say that, but he did say:

Alexander on breaking down Duke on film: “We knew that coming in that they were just going to stand around and not rebound. So we were ready to exploit that.” 
Alexander on the Big East vs. the A.C.C.: “People are always hating on the Big East. I don’t understand why. We came in the fifth in the Big East and we manhandled a good A.C.C. team.”

I suppose a media-trained Duke player would never add insult to injury, but I don't really care for Duke. These statements make me smile, as does watching highlights of the Blue Devils' early exit. -KD   

A top ten ranked college football team lost to an unranked opponent yesterday. (Yawn.)  What made Vanderbilt's upset of South Carolina particularly satisfying was that a Steve Spurrier-coached team lost and the Commodores win rendered their losing by less than a certain number of points a moot issue.  My heart enjoyed the former upside, and my bleeding ulcer appreciated the latter.

USC strong safety Emanuel Cook also could not get his head around losing to Vandy. “That’s the sorriest team in the SEC we lost to,” Cook said. “We should’ve won that game.”

I like how they have the same word or acronym that describes something completely in some areas of the South.  Everywhere else in the country, 'USC' means 'Southern Cal'.  It's similar to how they refer to a 'daily shower' when they really mean a 'monthly bath'.  Anyway, Vanderbilt is pretty sorry on the gridiron.  When are they going to create that college football super conference of crappy football squads of schools that analysts always say have "good academics"? Vanderbilt, Duke, Stanford, Northwestern and . . . who would the Big XII and Big East representatives be? On second thought, every conference and bleeding ulcer likes a patsy. -KD