My friend barely turned his head in my direction when he muttered, “I know you’re a Cardinals fan, but I thought that maybe you could at least appreciate Jeter’s accomplishment.” I wasn’t sure why he would say that, because as a St. Louis Cardinals fan, I’m generally viewed as the classiest and most intelligent of baseball fans. But regardless, of course I can appreciate Derek Jeter’s 3,000th hit this past Saturday. How could anyone not appreciate it?

Jeter became the first player in his franchise’s storied history to record his 3,000th career hit, and he did it in perfect New York Yankee fashion – with a home run. He became just the 28th player in Major League Baseball history to accomplish the feat of 3,000 hits, and only the second to do it with a home run (Wade Boggs) and while going 5-for-5 at the plate during that game (Craig Biggio). And with all reasonable probability, he’ll be one of the last few to hit 3,000 for quite some time.

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“meh, she’s just alright” – The Internet

Sports

Kate Upton is Good At Commercials - I’m pretty happy that the hottest woman ever’s first real moment of celebrity was posing in Sports Illustrated, which has a big SPORTS on the cover, which means I can post her here all I want and it counts as sports. Extra points for SoBe’s callous use of “Teach Me How To Dougie” in a post-M-Bone world. [Warming Glow]

Bill Simmons is God of Hollywood - KSK gives the Sport’s Guy’s recent manifesto about Ryan Reynolds the Fire Joe Morgan treatment, which essentially makes it the longest thing ever written on the Internet. [Kissing Suzy Kolber]

Here’s a Picture of Derek Jeter’s Balls - I’m happy we made it through over 100 years of baseball before the Internet showed up and made that “balls = testicles” joke so omnipresent. Trufax: I don’t want to look at either interpretation of Jeter’s balls. [Smoking Section]

Bo. Source: Bo. - Two consecutive days of Bo coverage! Tomorrow is a statistical breakdown of how and why Ronnie Lott was the MVP of Tecmo Bowl and not Bo. [SBN]

Not Sports

The Craziest (and Coolest) Celebrity Items Ever Listed and Purchased at Auctions - Including a tissue snotted into by Scarlett Johansson, which replaces “Traci Brooks’ Ring-Worn Bra” as things I would probably buy but won’t, and won’t tell anyone about. [Uproxx]

The First Two Minutes of Bioshock Infinite’s E3 Demo - As cool as this looks, I feel like nothing’s going to ever be as great as that first time you play through the first Bioshock. I don’t want weapons upgrades, I want references to wordy-ass literature! [Gamma Squad]

Three Countries Hate Captain America - I also would’ve accepted the headline “several countries including America hate Chris Evans”. Seriously, why do they keep casting handsome Hollywood comic relief guys as my gritty Golden Age superheroes? The Dark Knight Returns, starring Bradley Cooper as Batman! [Film Drunk]

Casey Anthony Party Photos - Girls who look like Kristen Wiig and probably murdered a baby #cangetit [EgoTV]

Since ABC televised the Oscars last night, Jimmy Kimmel managed to get a handful of big-time guests for his show following that telecast. And he also got some of the hottest women in Hollywood to take part in this spoof workout video that he put together. Jessica Biel, Minka Kelly, and even old WL fave ScarJo is in it, among others, and if Kimmel wasn’t wearing an ass-tastic thong here you could almost whittle your afternoon away watching this.

And Kelly Ripa has some terrifying talking abs. No wonder Regis is quitting. Watch it after the jump, or if you’re stuck someplace without Flash, like at work or on an iPad, we have stills for you as well.
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A man wiser than me once said, “Show me the most beautiful girl in the world, and I’ll show you a guy that’s tired of banging her.” At it sounds like Van Wilder is already getting tired of banging Scarlett Johansson (even though she still has that “new wife smell”), because he wants to run the New York City Marathon next month. You know, that race that Katie Holmes pretended to run last year.

“I saw guys coming in to finish with bleeding nipples. Why in the hell were their nipples bleeding? People were crying. People were limping, hobbling, screaming, crawling. But most importantly, people were experiencing a sublime rapture that I couldn’t even hope to understand.” (Um, dude, you better hope the new missus isn’t reading this.)

Seriously, you big freak! You’ve been married for what, ten minutes? Stay home and plow your wife. Make a few babies and give them ridiculous names. I’m fond of Canterfield Smokepussy Reynolds, myself. I should probably mention that Reynolds’ run will be raising money for Parkinson’s research. At least he’s showing apathy toward his wife for a good cause. Most of us do that with no benevolence at all.

[E? Online] [The Dish Rag]

After a drunken argument that ended in a bar brawl an enlightened discussion with some classy Notre Dame fans at the tavern last night concerning the match with DePaul today, I placed an ill-advised call to my local independent businessman this morning to support my vainglorious boasting with my pocketbook. Alas, my beloved Blue Demons let me down yet again as the Fightin' Irish defeated them 98-91. 

"From the get-go, we've kind of bounced around a little bit trying to understand who we are, what we can do well," DePaul coach Jerry Wainwright said. "I feel where we good about where we're headed. We have to get better; we just have to get better."  

Uh, what? At least he feels good about where the team's headed (I think that's what he was saying), while I feel good that I don't have to save money for retirement because DePaul's penchant for making games close will certainly cause me massive cardiac arrest. Oh well, if you don't want to send me money, send some so With Leather staffers can send the Chief to meet the Power Rankings leader:

ScarJo is raising money for the charity OxFam with an auction on eBay that begins tomorrow, March 3, the Sunday Mirror reports.  Oh, did we mention that the highest bid wins a date with the silver screen siren? The winner will accompany Scarlett to the June 2009 red carpet premier of her upcoming film, He's Just Not That Into You.

Just mark the envelope Jameson Fund c/o KD, I'll make sure it's used wisely. -KD