We shared a lot of horrifyingly-bad Christmas updates this year, but none quite as epic as Michael “The Menace” Johnson’s “special holiday song” for his UFC 155 opponent, Myles Jury. If you haven’t figured it out from the headline and that weird picture, it’s FIST IN A BOX, a parody of Saturday Night Live’s ‘Dick In A Box’ Digital Short that manages to somehow be even more about dicks.
I don’t want to spoil it for you, but it’s even worse than you’re imagining. Video is below.
If it helps, you’re supposed to read that headline like the cover of a Jack Kirby comic.
Anyway, meet Bol Bol (pictured standing next to his famous father, right) (just kidding). He’s the Godzooky to Manute Bol’s Godzilla, a 13-year old who will one day grow into his terrifying limbs, develop a slingshot three-pointer and dominate the NBA, at least in that one little spot where he can stand without falling down.
Bol Bol is a 6’5 seventh grader who is the son of the late NBA player Manute Bol. Bol strokes threes just like his dad and even showed the ability to put it on the ground and create off the bounce. Bol has a good mid range jumper and has a good understanding of the pick and roll. These highlights are from the 2012 Cross Roads Elite Camp in Indianapolis.
A few observations:
1. That is the most terrifying 7th grader basketball camp ever. One kid looks exactly like Manute Bol, one kid has a full mustache in the seventh grade like he’s a Napoleon Dynamite joke and everyone is 6-foot-5. If I’d gone to that camp when I was 13 it would’ve been like Porky Pig playing against the Monstars.
2. This is living proof that if you procreate with Manute Bol, it doesn’t matter what you look like, that kid’s gonna straight-up look like Manute f**king Bol.
3. I like to think that Manute named his kid “Bol Bol” so that when they were announced together, it’d sound like his name was echoing a la Pride Of The Yankees. “Here’s Manute Bol, Bol Bol.”
4. I wonder if Bol Bol ever got to enjoy any of his dad’s festive cruises?
Out of habit, after I watched the season premiere of Saturday Night Live this past weekend, I called it awful, because it followed the same old formula of opening strong and slowly trailing off into laziness. But the episode had its moments, and for once I wasn’t shaking my fist at Seth MacFarlane and screaming bloody murder for FOX. Well, except for one bit in Weekend Update.
Striking while the iron is still dull, I mean hot, the SNL team had MacFarlane imitate Olympic gold medalist Ryan Lochte, and it was okay. He played too heavy on the dullard part, but people mostly liked it. So of course the gossip webloids couldn’t wait to get a response from the aspiring actor and guy who wants to make out with a dozen desperate girls for ABC.
“Well I gotta admit that was a pretty harsh one, but it’s cool to have Seth parody me,” the swimming champ told Celebuzz. “I think he pegged me wrong, but when I heard he did a skit I knew I was in for it!”
But Lochte has no harsh feelings for MacFarlane. “It’s all in fun and of course if I’m talked about on SNL I know they are gonna get me ‘Go-od,’” he said, referencing faux Lochte’s mispronunciation of NBC show Go On as “goon.” (Via Celebuzz)
HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA, I see what you did there, you comedian. This guy’s got A-list written all over him. Lochte also told Extra that SNL was making fun of the old Ryan Lochte and that he’s totes better in front of the cameras now. That’s an interesting perspective. Let’s examine Lochte’s theory, shall we?
By way of Red Hot Mama comes this clip from MLB Fan Cave comes today’s best nostalgic look back at the 1990s — Cincinnati Reds pitcher and part-time musician Bronson Arroyo covering Adam Sandler’s seminal mid-90s classic ‘Red Hooded Sweatshirt’. The original had a brief mention of one-on-one basketball (Sandler beat his sweatshirt 11-9), but this one goes full baseball, even bringing in Aroldis Chapman to play Kevin Nealon.
You shouldn’t post videos like this, Bronson, they’re all gonna laugh at you!
Here’s the very special Valentine’s Day original from Sandler:
Yesterday, we shared with you comedian Jay Pharoah’s epic, pitch-perfect takedown of Stephen A. Smith during Saturday night’s Weekend Update segment on SNL. It was the kind of thing they need to do more of, in both “do good impressions of people who aren’t on CNN” and “let Jay Pharoah be on your show” interpretations of a thing.
But the fun doesn’t stop there! SportsCenter made the moment even better by filming Actual Stephen A. Smith’s reaction to the impression as he watched it, and it’s the perfect mixture of SAS brush-off and facepalming to let you know he’s a good sport, but he’s also going to sit somewhere by himself a little later and contemplate how life has brought him here.
Every Monday, NBC takes out the weekend’s trash in the form of Saturday Night Live’s Web “Exclusive” clips, which is the show’s nice way of saying, “This sucked so we cut it from the actual show.” Today, the Twitters are going nuts over a cut clip from Weekend Update that features Jay Pharoah as Stephen A. Smith discussing the Miami Heat in the NBA Playoffs. If you’re not familiar with Pharoah, he’s the hilarious impressionist who is rarely used because, “Hey, a 107th Gilly sketch is just easier, bro.”
Pharoah’s previously aired impressions include Will Smith, Jay Z and Morgan Freeman, and they’re all hilariously spot on. Not surprisingly, his Screamin’ A is pretty much perfect as well, from the slowly-building payoff shouting to the shameless name-dropping. But the one little problem with it all is that SNL’s typical studio audience apparently doesn’t know who Smith is. Otherwise, I’m pretty sure they’d be dying over this bit.
It’s a shame, but maybe we can read all about it in Pharaoh’s eventual book, “Here’s My Impression of Me Leaving SNL After Three Seasons.”