Good morning, faithful With Leatherites. I trust we all had a delightful weekend. I didn’t. I went 0-3 in fantasy while watching my college team lose to FIU and my Miami Dolphins continue their quest to Suck for Luck (more on that later). Brandon is still on vacation in the Sudan, where he’s arming rebels with the most dangerous weapon – knowledge. But don’t worry, he has entrusted a special guest with the duty of covering your wrasslin’ action, so expect that. Meanwhile, here be some links.

Disney Ladies + Texts From Last Night = Win |UPROXX|

The Twilight Breaking Dawn Trailer, with Captions |Film Drunk|

Mike Tyson Weighed In On Sarah Palin’s Sex |With Leather|

The Ridiculously Fun Star Wars Art of Franco Brambillo |Gamma Squad|

‘Community’ as a Sexual Thriller |Warming Glow|

Slim The Mobster – “F*ck You” |Smoking Section|

The Internet Responds To Scarlett Johansson’s Nude Photos With Typical
Class And Grace |UPROXX|

Meme Watch: Sheltered College Freshman |UPROXX|

Stop Everything: Jedi Kittens Strike Back |Gamma Squad|

Denver Men Pull Off Real Life ‘Weekend At Bernie’s’ |Film Drunk|

A Star Is Born. |Warming Glow|

Don’t Hate Ronaldo Because He’s Beautiful |With Leather|

And Now, The Saddest 10 Minutes Of Wrestling You’ll Ever See |Smoking Section|

14 Cupcakes Disguised as Other Food |Buzzfeed|

Nicolas Cage Hasn’t Aged a Day in Over 150 Years |FARK|

Grading the ‘Star Wars’ Blu-ray Deleted Scenes|Moviefone|

Nina Dobrev Won The Emmys |AOL
TV|

Fall TV Report Card: Grading the Ads |EW|

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It’s hard to believe that the recent story about the one-time sexual congress between former NBA star Glen Rice and attention-starved former-semi-governor Sarah Palin could get any better than it already is. Thankfully, the guys at Gridlock on KWWN ESPN Radio 1100 thought to ask the sports world’s foremost expert on hardcore interracial sex, Mike Tyson, what he thinks about the greatest love affair of our generation.

“Glen Rice is a wonderful man. He’s a wonderful guy,” Tyson said, “But you want her to be with somebody like [Dennis] Rodman getting up in there. Pushing her guts up in the back of her head!

“Glen Rice is a nice, mellow, docile man, non-threatening black guy — you want someone like Rodman — yeah baby! Imagine Palin with a big old black stallion ripping — yeehaw!”

(Via Larry Brown Sports, where you can hear the full interview)

If you’re not at least smiling right now, well, you’re not human. You want more? Here comes the crazy train.

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I don’t like quoting The National Enquirer as a reputable source, but when a story like this breaks you have to share it with everyone you know — according to the Enquirer, Joe McGinniss’ upcoming book Rogue: Searching for the Real Sarah Palin features claims and confirmation that the former governer and Vice Presidential nominee hooked up with three-time NBA All-Star Glen Rice circa 1987, when he was still in college and she was an Alaskan sports reporter. Glen Rice had sex with Sarah Palin. That is today’s actual sports news.

From the story:

In the book, which will be published on September 20th, McGinniss claims Sarah had a steamy interracial hookup with basketball stud Glen Rice less than a year before she eloped with her husband Todd.

Sarah hooked up with the NBA great, then a 6-foot-8 junior at the University of Michigan when he was playing in a college basketball tournament in Alaska in 1987, the book says. At the time, Sarah, just out of college, was working as a sports reporter for the Anchorage TV station KTUU.

A publishing source told The ENQUIRER that McGinniss claims Sarah had a “fetish” for black men at the time and he quotes a friend as saying Sarah had “hauled (Rice’s) ass down.”

I don’t even know what that means.

I guess the premarital sex is sacred unless you’ve got a chance to hook up with a basketball player. And despite a “fetish for black men at the time” (good job seeing black people as people and not things, Presidential Hopeful), Palin ended up marrying the whitest guy on the planet, and none of her brain damaged kids — and I’m talking about Bristol here, don’t get me wrong — get to paternally claim the stars of NBA Jam. Does Rony Seikaly know about any of this?

In case you’re ready to believe Sarah Palin when she goes on TV later and claims the story is an “out and out fabrication” perpetrated by some portmanteau word combining “media”, “liberal” and “spend-o-crat”, don’t … at least one of the people snuggling in that sleeping bag on a cold, mooseless night in 1980s Alaska is confirming the rumor.

In the book, McGinniss quotes Rice as confirming the one-night stand.

What’s next, are we gonna find out that Manute Bol nailed Michele Bachmann?

[h/t Deadspin]

Tracy Morgan, one of my favorite comedians on Saturday Night Live and in general, made an appearance on TNT’s “NBA Pregame” to talk about the game that night between the New York Knicks and Miami Heat.

Somehow, the topic of Sarah Palin came up, and what Morgan said next will make history as one of the greatest NBA pregame shows on TNT ever. Ernie Johnson looks absolutely horrified, which makes the video even better. It even made Charles Barkley speechless! That’s almost impossible!

Watch after the jump.
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The incomparable Unsilent Majority unearthed this pic for Deadspin earlier today. That birth canal you find yourself staring into belongs to our possibly-future vice president. Now if you’ll excuse me, I’ll be practicing a little “gun control” before my boss gets back. They don’t call me The Time-Traveling Masturbator for nothing.

UPDATE: Whoops. Palin is actually No. 22 on the Wasilla Team. Eww. Good thing I already busted my load.