Brees with a bunch of guys the Saints also didn't want to pay.

As a person who can tell you with little hesitation how to properly operate a Coinstar machine, I have very little sympathy for athletes when they don’t get the deals they want. But in the case of Drew Brees and the New Orleans Saints, I’m siding with their franchise QB and telling Tom Benson with a very stern finger-pointing: “Get a damn deal done already.”

Love ‘em or hate ‘em, the Saints have had one hell of a terrible offseason with the whole thing-I-refuse-to-call-Bountygate scandal. Now they’re being investigated for violating the no-contact policy at OTAs, and that can all take a backseat for a few minutes if Saints fans just get the news that their beloved Brees is coming back for a few more seasons.

So what’s the f*cking hold up, fellas?

According to sources, before this week, the Saints’ last offer had been close to $19 million per year over five years, and Brees was asking for about $20.5 million per year.

ESPN’s Chris Mortensen reported this week that Brees was asking for $20.3 million per year. It’s not clear if that was a new offer or just a different figure on the old offer.

The prediction today is the same as it has been for months. The sides ultimately will agree on a deal that will make Brees the highest-paid player in NFL history, surpassing the $19.2 million per year the Denver Broncos gave quarterback Peyton Manning earlier this offseason. (Via NOLA.com)

Okay, I’m gonna play Devil’s avocado here for a second – 5 years? The highest paid player in NFL history? Look, I love Brees. Always have. It still kills me that the Miami Dolphins chose Daunte Culpepper over him. But I will happily point out that he’s been the benefactor of a stable of awesome receivers these past few years. Yes, he means so much to the city, but the HIGHEST PAID PLAYER IN HISTORY??? He’s 33-years old!

But if the Saints don’t pay up, I have a feeling Brees will be just fine with his new sandwich shop. There’s always money in a sandwich shop.

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When the Denver broncos traded Tim Tebow to the New York Jets two weeks ago, the New York sports media responded exactly how we knew it would:

But beyond the made up rumors of Tebow plotting to oust Mark Sanchez like he’s the modern day Santa Anna, there has been equal, slightly-more-legitimate excitement from NYC businesses, as Tebow’s star power means that marketing and merchandising are easier than ever. As we previously discussed, our friends at Rick’s Cabaret have already offered Tebow his (presumably) first ever lap dance, and now the Carnegie Deli is giving the Jets’ backup QB his very own sandwich.

Somewhere, Mark Brunell dripped some tears on his bankruptcy papers.

The sandwich consists of pastrami, corned beef, roast beef, American cheese, lettuce, tomatoes and mayonnaise piled high on white bread, according to the CBS report.

“Seventy-five years, we’ve always made sandwiches on rye bread,” Carnegie’s Sandy Levine told CBS. “This time, we put it on white bread and we used mayonnaise, not mustard. This is sacrosanct in delis, but we realize who Tim Tebow is. He’s an outstanding citizen. He’s the all-American boy.” (Via People)

I love how Levine is acting like she defied the Magna Carta by using white bread for this boring sandwich. Seriously, white bread and mayo? Does it also come with club soda and a copy of Reader’s Digest? Perhaps I can eat it in my Ford Focus while my homemaker wife gives me a handy with a rubber glove on. Regardless, the sandwich weighs four pounds and costs $22, so the excess and inflation totally nail the All-American theme.

Meanwhile, it looks like the Jets are going to be the subject of Hard Knocks again, so maybe Tebow can help Antonio Cromartie by preparing some flashcards.

Bobby Valentine has been named manager of the Boston Red Sox. The report, with just the right amount of snark, from the New York Post:

The Yankees-Red Sox rivalry took on an entirely new dimension last night when Boston reached a verbal agreement with Bobby Valentine — who never met a spotlight he didn’t try to outshine — to become the 45th manager in franchise history.

Valentine, according to a source, was flying last night from Japan, where the former Mets manager participated in a charity event and made personal appearances, to Boston to sign a contract. A news conference is expected to be held tomorrow.

Two important things you need to know:

- Keeping in mind that the only real quantitative success the Boston Red Sox have had in the last 100 years was through thinking outside the box with a roster of eccentric personalities, an eccentric personality who thinks outside the box like Bobby Valentine is a great fit at manager. Also, he’s not Terry Francona, who can be be singularly blamed for every Boston-related problem to happen over the last 2-5 years.

- Bobby Valentine doesn’t just give the thumbs up or thumbs down to sandwiches, he invents them. According to Bobby Valentine, Bobby Valentine invented the wrap sandwich when a customer at his Bobby Valentine’s Sports Gallery Cafe ordered a club and the toaster was broken. You can thank today’s Hot Clicks for that little chestnut. Bobby Valentine also invented the chestnut when a hungry squirrel wandered into his restaurant and they were out of tater skins.

Personally I think the best part of the story is that it was broken by Tommy LaSorda, as all good stories are.

The town of Fremont, Nebraska has been celebrating its eventual entry into the Guinness Book of World Records this week, after residents gathered on Saturday to help create the largest open-face sandwich in the world. While that may sound like a delicious endeavor to some, it’s gross because they used 1,652-pounds of Spam to complete the task at the annual John C. Fremont Days festival. While Guinness has yet to verify the record, town and event officials are pretty certain that they’re sitting pretty, with the town’s founder and namesake undoubtedly looking down and smiling upon this glorious tribute to his legacy.

“The Spam brand was excited to donate 1,400 pounds of Spam product to Fremont, Neb.’s, attempt at breaking the record for the largest sandwich, or Spamwich, as we like to call it,” said Nicole Behne, product manager, Hormel Foods. “It was a tasty treat for all involved, and we love that it helped showcase one of the most popular ways Americans eat Spam today.” (Via Austin Daily Herald)

So how exactly does one make a 1,600-pound Spam sandwich? Images and a recipe for disaster after the jump.

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