Thanks to Miami Marlins owner Jeffrey Loria basically tricking Miami-Dade County into giving him a ton of cash for a stadium that literally everyone not involved in the funding process knew was a horrible idea, the Miami Dolphins were unable to secure a considerably smaller amount of public funds to renovate Sun Life Stadium. That led to CEO Mike Dee calling the team’s future in Miami “bleak” before kicking off a new rumor campaign of moving the team to Palm Beach.

In the meantime, the Dolphins are also making a pitch to the NFL to host Super Bowl L in Miami, and among a number of ideas that are so Miami they may as well have blue hair and iguanas in their front yards, the team would host a football game on an aircraft carrier. Somewhere, the writer of Hot Shots smiled.

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The very first show featured in our Sports On TV column was ‘Saved By The Bell,’ and with good reason. It’s one of those shows we’ve all seen whether we like it or not, and face it, you can’t spell “Internet” without ‘Saved By The Bell.’

Saved By The Bell’s 20 Greatest Sports Moments featured so many of the classics — Zack becoming an Indian to deal with track team stress, girls on the wrestling team, wheelchair basketball, Zack hitting a soon-to-be-dead-from-oil-spillage duck with a baseball — but it didn’t feature them all. It’s only fitting that the first part 2 entrant in Sports on TV history would be 15 MORE great sports moments from the show.

So, please click through to enjoy sports moments 21-35 from ‘Saved By The Bell.’ Warning: there is a lot of spooning-disguised-as-instruction gags in these entries. A LOT.

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I OFFICIALLY SAY THE “R” WORD

… retarded?

RETIREMENT – THERE I SAID IT

ANTHONY “SPICE” ADAMS – NFL FREE AGENT

And so begins the epic retirement announcement video from nine-year NFL veteran a defensive tackle Anthony Adams. If every pro athlete retired like this, the world would be a happier place. Highlights include an announcement dinner at a White Castle, an incredible shirt that links exercise to bacon, and that adorable little girl being interviewed. Oh, and a well-timed job application.

If you only watch one video of an ex-football player being depressed in a fast food restaurant today, make it this one.

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"I just... I just wish I had some pudding."

There was plenty for San Francisco 49ers fans to be bummed about in Super Bowl 47, from Colin Kaepernick throwing the first interception in the team’s glorious Super Bowl history to the team losing its first Super Bowl in six appearances to the questionable no-call on the possible holding on their 4th down play to the Ravens seemingly being offside on the 49ers’ 2-point conversion attempt that would have tied the game to not having Huey Lewis and the News involved at all. While I’m not necessarily agreeing with all of that, I’m just saying that 49ers fans are justified in their sadness.

However, that all ends today. Already underway in at least two areas – Bart at the Main library and Sutter at Sansome – Jell-O is giving away free pudding to the people of San Francisco as a way to cheer them up after their Super Bowl 47 loss. In all, there are five locations for hippies and flower children to get their snack on.

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The Taiwan Super Bowl has happened. It featured exploding birds, bloody steamroller deaths, the New England Patriots being killed with boulders, Beyonce being set on fire, and two sneaky fat guys unplugging the power. It’s … pretty much everything you’d want out of the Taiwan Super Bowl.

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Links

7 New Jersey Bands That Could Play Next Year’s Super Bowl Halftime |UPROXX|

5 Things You Need To Know Today From The ‘Breaking Bad’ Universe |Warming Glow|

Pacific Rim Photos: The Black Knight is a giant robot who fights Godzilla now |Film Drunk|

St. Louis Had A Dog Parade And It Was Classier And More Intelligent Than Others |With Leather|

Gamma Squad’s Ultimate Guide To Comics For Beginners, Part Three: The Big Four Publishers |Gamma Squad|

4 Terrible NBA Teams With Bright Futures |Smoking Section|

Daring Feats Of Drunken Ravens Revelry |Kissing Suzy Kolber|

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In the worst results-reporting since Other Guy defeated What’s-His-Face, the NFL Network — you know, the network with “NFL” in its name — declared the San Francisco 49ers the winners of Super Bowl XVLII, knocking off the Ravens 34-31.

@bubbaprog shared this picture via Twitter. I don’t see how the football channel could get the result of the most important-possible football game incorrect moments after it happened, but I have three theories:

1. The NFL overturned the result, because whatever, they do what they want.

2. @bubbaprog lives in an alternate, concurrent, ‘Sliders’-style universe where Joe Flacco’s eliteness wasn’t vindicated and the 49ers really did pull off the victory. Also in this universe, Ray Lewis is an accessory to NOT stabbing a guy.

3. The NFL Network is dumb.

Theory 2 is the most reasonable one so far.