Back in July, fans of the San Diego Padres gathered at Petco Park as they hoped to break the world record for the longest costumed dog parade as part of the organization’s annual Dog Days of Summer promotion, which allows fans to bring their pooches to the ballpark. Not only did they end up setting the world record, but they created a new sensation for dog owners across the country. For some reason, people really want to break the record for most costumed dogs in a parade.

Dog owners in Cleveland made their best effort this past weekend and they unfortunately fell short. Hell, a guy in Pittsburgh even tried to set the individual record for most dogs walked. Alas, there is controversy in this canine competition, as a Long Beach, CA man believes that he has already bested the Petco effort and will gladly do it again.

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Don’t believe me? Then watch this Cirque du Soleil performer throw out the first pitch at PETCO Park.

Sure, he might look like a hidden character from Street Fighter Alpha 3, but he pulls off the crazy flip and still throws the ball straight down the middle. With our recent string of championship athletes who can’t throw a strike, this backflipping glitter dancer really puts things into perspective. And orgy mask or no, I’m still pretty sure I’d rather have him starting for my team than Rodrigo Lopez.

In a related story, a scout was in the crowd for this pitch and immediately instructed the New York Mets to sign 40 clowns. Hi-yo!

[Video and absolutely no other information via MLB.com]

I’m not much of an expert when it comes to money, as evidenced by my solid gold toilets and multiple purchases from the International Star Registry, but thankfully Forbes is here to tell us when professional sports teams are wasting money. The money magazine recently released a study that determined the most and least efficient teams in Major League Baseball this season. By considering a number of factors, including blah blah blah and the square root of pi divided by zero, Forbes determined that the San Diego Padres were the big winners this year, despite not making the playoffs. The big losers? Come on, like you had to think about it.

The Chicago Cubs paved the road of inefficiency this season, spending nearly $2 million per win, compared to the Padres organization, which spent less than $500,000 per win. Basically, as the common fan can make such astute (Ed. – Tee hee!) observations as, “Aramis Ramirez is terrible” and “Alfonso Soriano is horrendous”, these numbers also show us that certain organizations have front offices that aren’t fit to put the square peg in the circle hole.

Make me feel better about my crippling student loan payments, Forbes:

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Former Padres No. 1 pick Matt Bush was arrested for a laundry list of dumb stuff and then cried like a little girl as he was taken into custody two weeks ago. He has since pleaded (pled?) not guilty for drunken driving, resisting arrest and two counts of vandalism. Bush was released by the Blue Jays earlier this year and doesn’t seem to be rebounding with the heart of a champion.

The latest happened after police received a call about 1:40 p.m. June 28 about a man throwing objects at passing cars while standing outside his vehicle on Camino de la Reina near the San Diego Union-Tribune building in Mission Valley. Police said he had hit at least one car with his belt buckle.

After getting into his vehicle, he backed into that same car, causing damage, police said. He was arrested in a parking structure of nearby Fashion Valley Mall, taken to jail and booked on assault with a deadly weapon, resisting arrest, driving on a suspended license, vandalism and driving under the influence. [via]

I would never have expected a guy that pissed away a multi-million-dollar career to carry himself with such little composure. And I can’t really make out what he’s saying as the cops hog-tie him and then carry him into the back of a cruiser. I’ve only seen the authorities do that was homeless people and very large doughnuts. Mmm, doughnuts… [thanks, Kim]

Padres relief pitcher Heath Bell (left) said what the world was thinking yesterday before his team’s game with the Mets when he said out loud what everyone has known about ESPN for quite some time–that their coverage is slanted toward teams in larger markets.

“I saw John Kruk on ‘Baseball Tonight,’ and he said, ‘They’re playing real well, but I don’t believe in them,’ ” Bell said before Monday’s game. “And I saw ESPN’s promo for tonight’s game. They mention the Mets are opening Citi Field, they mentioned the starting time, but nowhere did they mention the Padres. That gave me the (expletive).”[...]

“I truly believe ESPN only cares about promoting the Red Sox and Yankees and Mets – and nobody else,” said the closer, a former Met. “That’s why I like the MLB Network, because they promote everybody. I’m really turned off by ESPN and ‘Baseball Tonight.’ When Jake Peavy threw 8 1/3 innings on Saturday, they showed one pitch in the third inning and that was it. It’s all about the Red Sox, Yankees and Mets.”

I also heard that he said that John Clayton has a balloon-shaped head and that Mike Greenberg has an appetite for black guys, but that was over a cell phone and I was in a busy hallway.

|Rumors & Rants|

The Padres are parting ways with Matt Bush, their #1 pick in the 2004 draft, after an incident in which Bush allegedly assaulted some high school lacrosse players.  So wait, did he do something wrong or what?

A witness… said Bush was drunk, threw a golf club into the dirt, picked up and threw a freshman lacrosse player and hit another one. Bush also yelled “I’m Matt (expletive) Bush,” and “(expletive) East County,” before driving over a curb in his Mercedes when leaving the campus, according to the witness.

Did… did that really just happen?  There’s no way I just read that from a newspaper article.  That was lifted from the script of a high school movie, right?  I was under the impression that a 23-year-old pro athlete wouldn’t hang out with high school kids, and if he did, he wouldn’t fight them, and if he did, he wouldn’t talk about representing his county as he did it, and if he did, he wouldn’t— well, by that point I kinda expect him to drive the Mercedes over the curb, actually.

[Busted Coverage]