With Day 1 of the 6,456 day baseball season approaching quickly, young players are busting their asses to try to make opening day rosters, while the savvy veterans are trying just hard enough to make sure they don’t split their pants on routine fly balls. But something that we don’t hear a lot about in the MLB preseason is how the owners prepare, so I thought I’d take this chance to check in with everyone’s favorite owner, Jeffrey Loria, to see how he’s getting ready for the 2013 season.

Loria’s Miami Marlins already had a pretty tumultuous offseason, as he traded the team’s highest paid players after just one season in the brand new stadium, which he built with taxpayer money after promising to sign high-priced talent. That led to fans demanded that Loria sell the team, which he won’t do, and he tried to quell the turbulent waters of hatred by promising the team’s most loyal fans that everything would be okay.

Translated: The Marlins are suing two longtime season ticket holders.

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Last year, an enterprising Chicago Cubs fan started a new Twitter account to honor the audacity of St. Louis Cardinals fans (like classy and intelligent me) in believing that they are the “Best Fans in Baseball”. I know it had to be a Cubs fan (or possibly a bitter X-Factor viewer) behind that account because fans of all other teams love and respect the Cardinals and their fans for being so smart when it comes to baseball’s inner workings and appropriate in all ballpark behavior.

Appropriately called “Baseball’s Best Fans”, this account simply retweets butthurt Cardinals fans who don’t like decisions made by the organization or plays on the field, and it’s all glorious. But the hurt is on the other butt now, Cubs fans, as someone has created the Twitter account “Cubs Facebook” which Tweets out actual comments from the official Cubs Facebook page. Even better, this Twitter is also run by a Cubs fan, with the battle cry:

Actual comments found on the Cubs Facebook page. This account is run by Cubs fans. We’re so sorry.

Naturally, we can appreciate how they haven’t all lost every shred of their sanity. And what better time to showcase such an account than right after Cubbies faithful lost their sh*t yesterday as the Tony Campana trade news broke. That’s right, Cubs fans are outraged that Tony “Hey, At Least He Runs Fast” Campana was traded.

Thank God for social media.

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The Miami Marlins invited their fans to their special Winter Warm-Up event on Saturday, presumably with cards that read, “Giancarlo Stanton may hate us, but he’s still here”, and it went about as well as you’d expect. That picture above, tweeted by the Palm Beach Post’s Marlins beat writer Joe Capozzi, shows the entire line of people waiting to purchase single game tickets when they went on sale at 10 a.m. on Saturday. Four whole people. To put that into perspective, here’s a picture of the line for New York Yankees tickets*.

The good news is that season ticket sales were reportedly only down 4% from last season, which is a surprise considering the Marlins traded away the team’s biggest stars only a month ago. But perhaps fans remain optimistic because they think that maligned owner Jeffrey Loria is finally going to cave to his villainous public perception and sell the team so that someone more concerned with building a winning franchise can take over and reverse the ongoing humiliation.

Tough titties, folks, because Loria doesn’t give a fish fart.

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Here’s a clip of the Bills Seahawks streaker, and lord, he’s got to be the worst streaker I’ve ever seen. Just a harmless, normal guy who keeps on his underwear and gets subdued as soon as he starts. Damn, dude, next time you try that, buy a morphsuit. You’ll be just as pointless, but you’ll save your identity, and you’ll probably get on SportsCenter. (via Backyard Sports)

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Links

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Great News: Marisa Miller Is Gonna Go Back To Looking Like This! |With Leather|

Four Steps Gamers Can Take To Help Prevent Game-Blaming |Gamma Squad|

I Love This Goodell-Hating Saints Elf So Much |Kissing Suzy Kolber|

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Earlier this week, the NHL and NHL Players Association met with mediators to see if wasting more money could help put an end to this NHL lockout, and how did it turn out? Well, you’re not watching hockey highlights right now, so it obviously didn’t go well. So where do we go from here? Negotiations between the two sides aren’t going well at all. Hell, they can’t even agree on when to talk anymore. And third parties aren’t doing anything to make it any better. Who the hell can just fix this mess already?

Gary Bettman has an idea, actually. It’s a great idea, too. He wants the owners to sit down and meet face-to-face with the players. Wait, did I say this was a great idea? I meant that it’s horrible.

Sessions conducted by officials of the Federal Mediation and Conciliation Service produced no agreement between the league and the NHL Players’ Assn., leaving in place the lockout the NHL imposed on Sept. 15. After Thursday’s talks, NHL Commissioner Gary Bettman proposed arranging a meeting that would exclude executives on both sides and allow owners and players to have an unfiltered exchange of ideas.

The NHLPA did not immediately respond but was expected to raise the idea during a conference call Friday with players. Many players have taken part in negotiating sessions, but only a few owners have participated. (Via the L.A. Times)

Basically, Bettman wants the owners – you know, the guys with the money who want to make more money by taking money away from the players – and the players – the guys who aren’t making any money right now and are making death threats at Bettman and the owners on Twitter – to sit across a table from each other and try to reach an agreement. This, of course, is funny because the NHLPA exists so that the players don’t have to deal directly with the league and owners in labor bargaining, because the majority of players – if not all of them – are not qualified to negotiate a collective bargaining agreement.

Now, let’s say this stupid idea actually becomes a reality. I see it playing out in one of two ways…

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Lost in all the excitement of yesterday’s Thanksgiving NFL action that featured an overtime caused by a clusterf*ck and the New England Patriots reinforcing their pro-bullying agenda was the day’s lone college action between the No. 18 Texas Longhorns and the TCU Horned Frogs. TCU, of course, has been having a rather lackluster debut season in the Big 12, with a lousy 3-4 conference record heading into the game. But St. Thanksgiving and the turkey angels must have been looking down on the Frogs from their Mayflower in Valhalla – my grades always sucked in school – because TCU defeated Texas 20-13 to move to 7-4 overall on the season.

Anyway, I won’t bore you with any game details, because all you need to know is in that picture above. Is there anything more fun than when a team’s fans dress in costumes and then their team loses? I’m sure the answer to that is yes – Kate Upton topless, free filet mignons, topless Kate Upton serving free filet mignons, among others – but for the sake of right now, I just want to enjoy this.

But don’t worry, Texas fans. I also have a happy picture for you.

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