In an event that threatened to destroy the Nashville Superspeedway with fire and brimstone, Pastor Joe Nelms christened a NASCAR Nationwide series race the most sacrilegious and heavily-sponsored pre-race prayer in history.

He quotes Talladega Nights (a movie that makes fun of NASCAR, in case nobody in NASCAR noticed), praises God for giving them “mighty machines” with “GM performance technology” and gives thanks to Jesus Christ in all things, including tires and specific brands of fuel. To people who yell “woo” and fire guns to celebrate that right there’s funny (they don’t care who you are), but to anyone who regards religion as an important thing they’ve decided to base their entire life on, it was a big flashing neon sign in the sky reading “AMERICA: WHERE STUPID PEOPLE FEEL AWESOME”.

You can watch the video below, but be careful, as it might turn you into a pillar of salt.

As a pretty huge disclaimer, I (1) was born in the American South and (2) was a sheltered Christian kid for the first half of my life, so don’t assume I think I’m better than these people or that I’ve got too much of a hard-on for or against Christianity. Neither of those things would be true. I’m just afraid that 50,000 white people giving thanks to The Lord for their suspension systems might be one step too close to the “big ass extreme fries” world of Idiocracy. “Best prayer EVER!” sorta seals it. Is this better than that prayer that healed your Grandma? Because lulz?

[h/t Off the Bench]

Just a gentle reminder not to challenge our Lord and Savior to any contests. Though, I don't remember any bowling stories from the New Testament. He must have learned how to roll in heaven. Plus I just saw a commercial which shows they only serve Miller Lite in heaven. That's disappointing – I always imagined the afterlife would look nothing like Milwaukee. -KD   

As a blogger, one of my chief duties is to take relatively harmless quotes, twist them around, and blow them completely out of proportion to make someone look like an asshole.  And today that asshole is Pats cornerback Ellis Hobbs.  From Yahoo's Michael Silver:

[A reporter] asked Hobbs, in reference to Anthony Smith's long day after his ill-advised guarantee, if "God has a sense of humor when things come around on people for something they say." And, even more ridiculously, here's how Hobbs replied: "My God does, me being a Christian believer and everything. 'Lower yourself so that he may be exalted.' There's nothing wrong with confidence, don't get me wrong. You have to have a swagger out on the field. But there's a fine line and he definitely crossed it. He was definitely knocked down when he crossed it today."

Oh snap!  Don't bring that shit into God's house!  Don't cross God's fine line as defined by Ellis Hobbs, you fucking sinners!

Sigh… You know, for a Guy who bailed out the Jews and David on different occasions, I really didn't think God would be a bandwagon Fan.                       [FanHaus] 

Count me in with the thousands of fans who are heartened by the surprising (miraculous?) news that Bills tight end/special teamer Kevin Everett is showing voluntary movement in his arms and legs, an indication that he has an excellent chance of walking again.  And all this is just a day after he had his third and fourth vertebrae removed in an operation that left doctors thinking he'd be paralyzed for life — if he survived at all.  It's really an amazing story.

But you know what I'm getting a little tired of?  All these "doctors" getting the credit.  "Well, we've done everything medical science has taught us, but it looks like he's never going to walk again."   The next day: "He's going to walk again!  Hooray brilliant doctors!"

Hooray doctors, my ass.  I'm pretty sure God didn't give doctors the power of miracles.  Only one guy gets miracle power besides Tom Brady, and that's the Son of God.  I better see some message board traffic thanking our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ for Kevin Everett's recovery, or I'm totally blaming Bills fans for next week's rain of flaming stones.