The Kings beat the vile Jazz Tuesday night but lost star shooting guard Kevin Martin to a groin injury late in the third quarter.  Martin is expected to be out 4-6 weeks, in part because of the mercurial nature and slow healing process for the groin.  Sacramento coach Reggie Theus confirmed this with his comments (via TrueHoop):

"Groins are a funny animal," Theus said. "You don't mess around with a groin, because (they) can become chronic. I've seen groin injuries take twice as long by coming back too early, so you have to be careful with it."

I've had a problem with my groin for years.  Lots of tightness and swelling.  I've found that regular massage and the occasional hot tongue bath do wonders to relax it.

Ahhh… groin jokes.  What can't they do?

Remember that whole thing abou Ron Artest neglecting his Great Dane?  As it turns out, the district attorney won't even file charges against him.

Tests at the vet revealed that the dog had an unknown bone infection in one of its legs which most likely led to the weight loss and loss of appetite. It also turns out that, contrary to popular belief, Artest had in fact hired two people to look after his Great Dane (Socks) while he was out of town.

So I guess we all owe Ron-Ron an apology for making all those jokes before the entire story came to light.  We have a tendency to get carried away and condemn people for things just because police are "investigating."  And by we I mean I.  But let's not go pointing fingers; that's such an ugly thing to do, especially when those fingers are pointed at me.  Unless you're saying "Hey, look at that hot dude."  Then point away, baby, because looking is free.

Vlade Divac has a nice career after basketball.  He owns a restaurant, probably smuggles some arms on the side, and, according to a story in the Sacramento Bee (from Sactown Royalty), he also sells faux-designer handbags that he tries to pass off as the real deal.  At least, that's what the lawsuits against him claim:

Though it exudes elegance, [Vlade's] store is mired in two ugly lawsuits that accuse it of pawning off fake Gucci bags as the real thing.

In one suit, filed in federal court last year, Gucci demands that the store stop selling counterfeit Gucci products. A second suit was filed April 18 in state court by a consumer who says he was duped.

And on Thursday, the Sacramento County District Attorney's Office confirmed it is pursuing a criminal investigation of L'Image.

Let this be a friendly reminder to all you people out there who have too much money and not enough brains: when in doubt, stay away from stores owned by people hailing from former Soviet Bloc countries.  You don't want to go shopping for a poodle and get a lamb.  Or go shopping for a woman and get a dude.  (The scarf around the neck always fools me!) 

Get the defibrillator. My heart has stopped because I'm in absolute shock from this story:

Sacramento Kings forward Ron Artest was arrested Monday on suspicion of domestic violence following an incident at his Loomis home…

"(There is) conflicting information about what actually started the argument, but it resulted in some pushing. Through our investigation we determined that Mr. Artest had shoved the victim to the floor several times and that he attempted to leave," Placer County Sheriff's Department Sgt. Andrew Scott said…

Artest was booked at Placer County Jail. He was released on bail Monday afternoon… [He] is barred from his five-acre estate for the time being.

Just for fun, let's look back at Ron-Ron's most recent advice column in Dime Magazine:

My favorite quote is “I’ma smack the [expletive] out of you.”

And… scene.

UPDATE: Ben Maller notes that Artest's wife smashed his Hummer's windshield while he was in the SUV. So I guess everybody's crazy. 

"Ask Ron Artest" is a new advice column from Dime Magazine. Finally.

Ron, I’m thinking about popping the question to my girl. How should I do it? – Calvin
First you gotta have sex one last time, you know, and tell her you love her. You should probably take her out to a simple dinner, nothing too crazy. Keep it simple, because a lady is looking for the little things. If she wants to be with you forever, she’ll like that.

Ron-Ron, what’s your favorite quote? – Kevin 

Ooh! Ooh! I'll be it's something by Thomas Paine, like "The world is my country, all mankind are my brethren, and to do good is my religion." Or maybe "Moderation in temper is always a virtue, but moderation in principle is always a vice."

My favorite quote is “I’ma smack the [expletive] out of you.”

Oh. Who said that? Dorothy Parker?

For about a month there, Gilbert Arenas had fallen out of favor as the blogosphere's brightest NBA star. He came off as a dick in that DeShawn Stevenson bet, the Wizards lost several games in a row, and Agent Zero came up with only 9 points when he promised 50 against the Blazers.

However, last night Gil scored 43 against the Kings as the Wiz held off a late Sacramento rally to win 109-106. Yay! He's good again! Everybody back on the bandwagon!

Actually, the biggest story of the game was the official review that kept the game from going into overtime. John Salmons appeared to hit a game-tying three-pointer as the buzzer sounded, but the referees huddled and determined Salmons didn't quite get the shot off in time.

Man, I can understand that. I once gave a girlfriend her Valentine's Day present at 12:01 a.m. on February 15th, and it didn't fly at all. Of course, I was blind drunk and that gift was a pint of Mad Dog 20/20, but I thought it was damn nice of me to share.