The two Vince Carter videos you’re about to watch, when viewed in succession, can illustrate one of two themes:

1. It is life in a nutshell. Even if you’re the guy who cleared a seven-footer in the Olympics, you’re capable of taking one of the worst shots in basketball history. And if you take one of the worst shots in basketball history, you’re still capable of throwing it down on the tallest guy on the court.

2. Blake Griffin’s playbook: you are terrible at basketball so just dunk, because you are so good at dunking.

Video number one features Carter pulling out a great ball fake, tries to softly finger-roll it in like so much George Gervin and airballing it like he’s me trying to pull that shot off in HORSE. Video number two, about three minutes of game clock later, features Carter dunking on 7-foot Kings center Hassan Whiteside like it was nothing.

A brief miscalculation, or Father Time chipping away at his legs? You make the call.

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I went to my local watering hole yesterday after work to enjoy a few sophisticated beverages before I attended the Orlando Magic game, and the barkeep tuned the image box to SportsCenter, which devoted about 70% of the show to New York Knicks guard Jeremy Lin. A few dozen Linsanity puns later and my enjoyment of the rise of this unexpected Knicks star was pretty much over. But the Knicks, Buddha bless them, are rightfully milking this thing for all it’s worth, as they’ve radically raised ticket prices and are pumping out merchandise faster than a sweatsh… irt company. A sweatshirt company is totally what I meant to write.

Of course it was inevitable that this love for a guy, who is Chinese but was born and raised in California before attending Harvard, would hit some awkward racial moments. However, what happened last night on the MSG Network during the Knicks 100-85 victory over the Sacramento Kings, in which Lin set a career high with 13 assists, was just downright stupid. During the broadcast, the network aired this picture…

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In Kenneth Faried’s first game, he had four rebounds and zero points. In his second, he takes an incredible no-look alley-oop from reserve guard Rudy Fernandez and skies above a defeated Jimmer Fredette to put a f**king exclamation point on the Nuggets 110-83 rout of the Sacramento Kings.

It ranks somewhere between “the first sip of oasis water when you’ve been crawling through the desert” and “losing your virginity to Kate Upton” on the scale of how great the first of something can be. This is the kind of stuff I pretended to be doing when I was 13 and dunking on a seven-foot rim.

Tom Ziller of SB Nation offers further analysis:

I can’t wait until Faried and Nene start appearing together. We won’t know which braided superathlete it is flying through the air!

Former guy who played in the NBA Scott Pollard attended a rally in Sacramento this week to support the Kings and create a greater effort to keep them from leaving, and while he was there he chatted with radio host Grant Napear of KHTK about his fondness for Sacramento and his desire to move there, which must be difficult when you’re not doing anything and have a lot of time to do things like pack boxes and move. But invalid arguments aside, Pollard also weighed in on the recent woes of the Los Angeles Lakers and had some great insight on 11-time NBA champion coach Phil Jackson.

I just think he’s one of the most overrated coaches of our time. He’s only had the greatest players of our era on his teams. Put him in charge of the Sacramento Kings this year, and I don’t mean to offend Sacramento fans, but put him on a team with no Hall-Of-Famers on it at least no one that has established themselves as a Hall-Of-Famer already, put him as the Head Coach of the Cleveland Cavaliers right now and let’s see how he does next year with no Hall-Of-Famers on the team. That’s all I’m saying. (Via KHTK)

Does he make a valid point? Yes. Of course Phil has coached two of the greatest players of all-time in Michael Jordan and Kobe Bryant, as well as arguably the greatest big man in league history in Kwame Brown Shaquille O’Neal. But does that really make him overrated as a coach? Just the other night, I was watching Game 3 of the Lakers-Mavericks game and Derek Fisher committed an unnecessary foul with less than 18 seconds left, leading to Dallas free throws that sealed the win. All the while, Phil sat there and didn’t even argue the foul or try to set up a last-ditch play for his team. I was like, Whoa bro, that dude can coach.

(Banner image via)

After months of speculation that the Sacramento Kings were about to become the Sacramento Kings of Anaheim, team owners The Maloof Family passed down word to the Anaheim Arena Management Company, and basketball will remain in Northern California for another year. That means the Kings and their awesome trampy dance team won’t have to worry about playing so close to the Clippers and the Lakers, which would drive their attendance down from 1% of California basketball fans to about a negative six.

From an article in the LA Times (website):

The decision to stay follows weeks of maneuvering by Sacramento Mayor Kevin Johnson, who mobilized more than $10 million in sponsorship and ticket support for the team in the capital, and gathered interest from Los Angeles billionaire Ron Burkle to help build a new arena downtown for the Kings.

The Maloofs (who may or may not be a family of beavers, I don’t know much about Pokémon) were fully prepared to move the team despite criticism from the league and NBA Commissioner David Stern, so who knows where they’ll eventually end up, but for now the Sack Kings are set. On a personal note, I’d like to express how hideously ugly the Maloof family (pictured, right) is, and how they are a Creature from the Black Lagoon poster and a couple of cowboy hats away from being a Rob Zombie movie. It’s not hard to see why these people want to live in Southern California.

Maybe I should questionmark that headline for total accuracy, but the general consensus is that the Sacramento Kings have played their last game under that moniker and will bolt for greener pastures with the blessing of the NBA.

The Maloof family, owners of the Kings, will begin presenting their case to relocate the franchise to Anaheim, Calif., at the NBA’s board of governors meeting Thursday in New York. A majority vote is needed to grant the move.[..]

About a quarter of the sold-out crowd of 17,841 stayed at Power Balance Pavilions for about an hour after the final buzzer to voice their displeasure over the Kings’ possible – and say goodbye. There were tears, hugs, chants of “SAC-RA-MENTO” and “Here We Stay!” Seven Kings players and coach Paul Westphal shook hands with the fans and addressed the adoring crowd.

–Y! Sports.

The people of Sacramento actually loved that team, and thought that the team cared about them in return. That’s cute. They probably watched the Sonics bolt Seattle and laughed to each other. That’ll never happen to us! But as long as there is money to be made and loyal middle-class folks to get screwed, NBA teams will go wherever they damn well please. You know who else uses that business model? Whores. Just sayin’.