Last week we paid a little tribute to some of the biggest morons and disappointments in sports history – via our love for Kenny Powers and Eastbound and Down – and it would have been a huge oversight to exclude former No. 2 NFL draft pick Ryan Leaf, whose career can best be compared to a colossal dust fart. Throw in the fact that he was arrested in 2009 for illegally obtaining prescription painkillers and that pretty much brought his bust of a post-NCAA life full circle.

And despite proclaiming that the aforementioned arrest actually “saved his life” and helped him turn it all around, Leaf is back in the news for drugs again. This time, he’s being accused of breaking into his neighbor’s houses and stealing pain medication for the past year and a half. If that’s true, his criminal career is already leaps and bounds better than his NFL career.

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Patrick Willis obviously listens to Kenny F*cking Powers.

Kenny Powers isn’t perfect. I know, I spit out my Mountain Dew and bourbon when I wrote that, too. But it’s true. He’s a man who has made mistakes after tasting legend status, and he’s paid the greatest price for his arrogance in taking his God-given talent for granted. America, though, is about second chances and stories of redemption. That’s why when some people see Kenny as a man who hates foreigners, the truth is that he just loves American and feels “that America is the best country and the other countries aren’t as good.” Patriotism, indeed.

As Kenny continues his baseball renaissance and his climb back to the top, where he will wear the Scream mask all he wants, he has been given the unbelievable honor of becoming the first ever Mother F*cking CEO of K-Swiss. And his appointment is already changing the lives of thousands of professional athletes and millions of aspiring athletes. For once, thanks to Kenny Powers, his incredible motivational speaking ability and his opus, K-Swiss Blades – you’re f*cking in.

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Former college standout turned glorious NFL draft bust turned Otis from The Devil’s Rejects-style drugged-out Texas highwayman Ryan Leaf is recovering from surgery to remove a benign tumor from his brain. Leaf had surgery last week, and yes, every single report of this guy having a tumor removed from his brain features a paragraph about how he is one of the worst football players of all time. I hope the surgery was an Eternal Sunshine thing to remove the word “bust” from Ryan Leaf’s brain.

“I am looking forward to resting a bit and being with my family,” Leaf told the AP in a statement.

“This was just another bridge for me to cross, and I will continue to live each day to the fullest and give back where I can!”

Examples of Leaf giving back to date include getting a four-year $31.25 million contract with a $11.25 million signing bonus to play 21 career games and working 10 years of probation for eight felony drug charges. He also fleed to Canada and signed a contract to write three autobiographical books about his life, which I guess constitute giving back. Peyton Manning helped deliver life-saving goods to the people of New Orleans after Hurricane Katrina and has a children’s hospital in Indianapolis named after him. I mean, I’m just saying.

In all seriousness, brain tumors are serious business, and absolutely no one wishes him well.

[via USA Today]

And no, it wasn’t to Taco Bell for their newest menu item, the Pitaphile, which is now on sale for 99 cents (but if you’re 12 or younger, it’s free). NFL draft bust Ryan Leaf was finally caught at the US-Canada border near Washington. Leaf was indicted on nine felony counts by a Texas grand jury in May, stemming from breaking into a college football players house and stealing his painkiller medication. From Y! Sports:

James Farren, the district attorney in Randall County in West Texas, said Leaf was arrested Wednesday by federal customs agents. Legal assistant Jennifer Bonstein said Leaf declined to waive extradition during a hearing Wednesday afternoon in Bellingham, Wash., about 90 miles north of Seattle.

Bill Kelly, Leaf’s attorney in Texas, said his client was returning to Texas to turn himself in by a Thursday deadline.

“I assume when he was crossing the border, they picked him up,” Kelly said.

Actually, that headline should probably indicate that Leaf was picked up on his return to the United States from Canada. Apparently all you need to get into Canada is a disappointing resume’. I have no idea why they call it the Great White North. I mean, have you ever seen a shark in Canada?

Ryan Leaf the citizen is becoming eerily reminiscent of Ryan Leaf the quarterback. After being “placed on leave” as a D-II assistant as the former NFL draft bust was indicted by a county grand jury in Texas for nine counts of drugs, burglary, and fake drugs. No, seriously. From WTOP:

Canyon police Lt. Dale Davis said Leaf is suspected of breaking into a Canyon apartment on Oct. 30 and stealing Hydrocodone, which had been prescribed to an injured football player.[...]

The count of delivery of a simulated controlled substance alleges Leaf gave an individual a substance he said was Hydrocodone but was not that drug.

Serious question: how does Leaf’s legacy stack up against Michael Vick‘s? It probably depends on your personal preference for mental imbalance. At least Vick could put up numbers and capture the imagination of fans while he was on the field, whereas Leaf was an utter failure from the start. Does the following formula apply:

So much for starting The Next Chapter In Life. But then if these guys always got it right, I’d be out of a job.

Ryan Leaf, one of the most spectacular NFL busts of all time, valiantly made his way back into football as the quarterbacks coach at West Texas A&M.  Only that’s gone into the shitter now, too, as he’s been placed on administrative leave.

Athletics director Michael McBroom said Wednesday that he met with Leaf on Sunday to “go through some options, and we agreed that a leave is the best option.” He said he could not comment on what prompted the decision and said he would not speculate on when or whether Leaf would return.

An ESPN story cites a source that claims Leaf asked a player for a painkiller, although I don’t see why that would be a big deal unless the painkiller in question is brown tar heroin.  I’ll be honest, the only reason I’m writing this post is to include the smaller picture of Leaf here on the right that Vince from FilmDrunksent me.  It’s like he’s doing a bad impression of Mickey Rooney’s bad impression of Asian people.  “Miss Gorightry!”

In a related racially insensitive name-butchering, “Lion Reef” sounds like a pretty cool place to visit.  Who wouldn’t enjoy a scuba safari?

[Shutdown Corner]