In perhaps the most shocking development of the Rutgers men’s basketball scandal, which featured now-former head coach Mike Rice physically and verbally abusing players, Saturday Night Live produced a sketch about it within a week of it taking place. Normally, we would have expected to see this sort of sketch in two months or so, after every joke had already been made and the world had been outraged by at least 15 other incidents since then. But credit is due to SNL for jumping all over this one.

That said, the sketch in question featured Melissa “Rex Reed’s Hot Desire” McCarthy as a women’s basketball coach named Sheila Kelly who is apparently 10 times worse than Rice. A brief perusal of the Twitterverse and Tumblrsphere leads me to believe that people thought this was a funny sketch, and I’ll admit that I laughed at McCarthy staring down Jay Pharaoh through the window.

Other than that, I didn’t think it was anything remarkable, but that may also be due to the fact that my blood is still boiling over the fact that both Rice and ousted athletic director Tim Pernetti will receive $1 million from the school, per their contracts. Seriously, if I’d known that I could get $1 million for screaming “F*ggot” at a bunch of teenagers, I would have never stopped being a substitute teacher.

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Week 2 of the NFL season and we already have a Thursday night game. I’m not ready for this yet. I’m not ready for the stress of choosing which bench player to drop so I can pick up the Raiders defense so I don’t have to play the Bears against the Packers tonight. My bench is solid and I don’t want to drop Kendall Hunter or Santana Moss yet. I hate myself for choosing the Bears when I knew that I’d have to worry about Aaron Rodgers and the Packers. Twice.

Oh well, at least we have an NFL game and two college games tonight. That’s why I love America. Do you know what the contributor for the North Korea sports blog “With Olive Drab” is watching tonight? Probably just highlights of Kim Jong-Il waving to people. Let’s be thankful for what we have.

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New York Jets linebacker Bart Scott trademarked the phrase “Can’t wait” earlier this year after he first said it in a playoff postgame interview, and he figured that if anyone was going to make money from the phrase it was going to be him. Of course that doesn’t count for my new line of “Can’t Wait” t-shirts that I made for armless restaurant employees. *rim shot* Thank you.

But instead of a simple line of New York Jets t-shirts, presumably modeled after Ed Hardy and Tapout for fan preference, made by Scott and for Scott’s wallet, he surprised everyone this week with an incredibly selfless and generous alternative. He’s donating all proceeds to former Rutgers player Eric LeGrand, who was paralyzed last year in game against Army in the Jets’ New Meadowlands Stadium*. It’s a pretty nice gesture, especially since Scott has never even met LeGrand.

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The Big East conference could make an argument for sending as many as 11 teams to the NCAA tournament, which starts next week. Rutgers (5-13 in conference, 15-17 overall) was not one of those, and desperately needed to make a run through the arguably the toughest conference tournament in the country to find a spot in the big dance. Last night, in the Big East tournament’s quarterfinal round, Rutgers ran into St. Johns–and an incompetent officiating crew.

Rutgers would lose, but not before having their last gasp stolen out from under them. Watch after the jump as St. Johns player Justin Brownlee travels AND steps out of bounds AND throws the ball in the stands with more a second remaining. Whether St. Johns was handed a break by the timekeeper because they play their home games at Madison Square Garden–the tournament site–or one of the referees really had to pee is up for debate, but it’s ugly. No one in the St. Johns basketball program should ever ridicule the WWE ever again. Read the rest of this entry »

Here comes your women’s basketball post for February, and we’re only showing you this either because it had the makings of a ruckus or someone got naked. Nobody got naked. Yeah, that was a horrible tease. My b.

Your poster girl is South Florida post player Porche (POOR-shuh) Grant. She’s 6-foot-2 and ready for you, and after a shoving fracas during the Rutgers game, she shot the “Big 11″ at the Rutgers student section. Bad move, Porche.

The disciplinary action came a day after Grant made an obscene finger gesture as she was escorted off the Louis Brown Athletic Center court following a flagrant foul that caused a scrum underneath the basket. Rutgers guard Khadijah Rushdan was charged with a technical foul after the incident, which saw some shoving but no punches thrown with 38 seconds to play in the Scarlet Knights victory.

–Daily Record.

No punches thrown? Come on, ladies. Curl those dish pan hands up into little fists of fury for us. Just don’t be late with dinner. It’s funny because all women know how to do is cook. And play basketball. And run Alaska.

Video at Deadspin.

Remember Eric LeGrand, the Rutgers defensive tackle who was paralyzed from the neck down on a hit? Good news, everyone; his rehabilitation process is starting to show some reward, as LeGrand can now move his shoulders and has sensation back in his body and will talk in an interview on ESPN soon.
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