I’m not much of a gambling man, as I would hate to end up the subject of a 30-for-30-style documentary about incredibly handsome bloggers who blew their entire fortunes by losing money at picking Top Chef winners. I do, however, appreciate a good gentleman’s bet, or in this case a very attractive lady’s bet, in which money is cast aside for personal humiliation.

Unfortunately, I do not know the terms of the bet that resulted in a 23-year old Russian girl named Alina Borodina (above, as identified by Red Hot Russia) running through traffic on a busy street in just her bikini. What I do know is that Alina is a very wonderful person and I would very much like to introduce her to my mother. Also, her name rhymes and that means she might be a Disney princess, in which case she’s ridiculously wealthy.

While I don’t really have any further context to this video, I do have a theory as to why this woman “humiliated” herself by running around in a bikini.

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Forgive me, faithful With Leatherheads, for I have sinned. I saw this story loosely related to Reading Football Club the other day and whispered to myself ever so gently, “Hey, maybe throw up a post about those losers” before pouring myself into a bubble bath, but then I forgot because I’m old and stupid. Anyway, Reading is currently only three points better than Queens Park for dead last in the Barclays Premier League standings, so it’s safe to say that they’re not having the best season, at least on the field.

If I wanted to be an optimist, though, I’d say that Reading is only 48 points out of first place, but then I’d probably incite a soccer hooligan riot in the comments, because I never ever get soccer terminology right. That said, I’ll stick to what I know and what I know is that Reading is owned by 30-year old Anton Zingarevich, who is the son of Russian billionaire Boris Zingarevich. And if Jason Bourne and James Bond movies have taught me anything, it’s that Russian billionaires make all of their money by stealing oil pipelines from other billionaires.

So what does a few billion dollars buy a 30-year old? For starters, obviously, a professional soccer club. But much more importantly – since the club in question is awful – this status has also landed Anton a 23-year old wife named Katsia, who just so happens to be a Victoria’s Secret Angel, which is something that is obviously very important to me based on what interests me.

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For all of its pros and cons, Twitter is, at best, a valuable educational device. For example, on Saturday evening, a few of us took notice of a re-Tweet from our beloved Hall of Fame Celebrity Sports Fan of Every Year, Kate Upton. The Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue cover model recognized a Russian girl named Ania, who Tweeted an image of herself paying tribute to Upton’s most recent SI cover, as you can see above. Then Twitter did its Twitter thing from there.

Within an hour, Ania’s follower count had jumped by several hundred, which is a little lower than unexpected, but I guess even the biggest Twitter pervs have an off-night. By this morning, the aspiring “mail order bride” was up to 1,362 followers, and she had already gone ahead and locked her account, only after she had openly Tweeted with Sports Illustrated and bragged about her “doppelganger” RT-ing her.

Ania’s 15 seconds of Twitter fame have come and gone, but I’d like to make a plea to our beloved Upton and all of the 18-and-up girls out there who aspire to be like her – let’s make Uptoning the new meme. Attractive girls everywhere can pick their favorite pictures of Kate and they can go out and recreate them. I can’t imagine there’s a single man out there who would object to this, and if there is, he should be monitored by the government because he’s probably Al Qaeda.

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