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Louis C.K’s New, New Testament: 20 Commandments to Live By - “When girls go wild, they show their tits to people. When women go wild, they kill men and drown their kids in a tub.” [Warming Glow]

ROFLMNBAO: Kobe’s Black Mask, 2012-2012 - If you missed yesterday’s feature, you missed out on Kobe as the Hamburglar. That’s not a thing you should be missing. [With Leather]

Topher Grace (Yes, That Topher Grace) Just Vastly Improved The Star Wars Prequels - The best part of this is knowing that no matter how complex a nerd might be, he’s still got the guy with glasses in this video to make him look bad. [Gamma Squad]

Dear David Stern, Stare Downs Aren’t Worth Techs - They should start giving technical fouls for “being excited” and make everyone play with their arms down to their sides. [Smoking Section]

What The Hell Is All This ‘#Kony2012′ Crap About? - It’s a viral ad campaign to get my teenage cousin super into defending the planet against monsters, at least until next week when she forgets she learned about it. [UPROXX]

Elderly Viral Phenom Completely Flummoxed By Her Sudden Internet Fame - I read about this lady. Columns were made available to suit my pleasure. It enjoyed them. They were great and nice. [UPROXX]

‘Lone Ranger’ First Look: Johnny Depp Is Wearing A Birdhat - Johnny Depp and Angelina Jolie are in some kind of contest to see which one can be declared a minority first, aren’t they? [Film Drunk]

Matches We Loved 2011: Part II - If you read part one, THIS one actually features me. My match features wardrobe malfunctions, but not the ones you’re imagining. [DirtyDirtySheets]

Coors Is Going To Start Making Iced Tea Flavored Beer - Great, another disgusting thing for me to not drink! [Buzzfeed]

Rush Limbaugh vs. Inspirational Feminist Quotes - The next time anyone (“right” or “left”) says something inflammatory to get publicity, we should say, “whatever, you’re paid by people to be inflammatory and get publicity, we’re ignoring you”, put them in a box, ship them to Siberia and move the hell on. [HuffPost Comedy]

10 Weirdest ‘Animals Eating Themselves’ Pictures Ever - Nothing makes that pork chop taste better than imagining the pig happily slaughtering itself! [The FW]

Ten Actors We Wish Were More Talented Than They Are - This list really does begin and end with Alexis Bledel. I’d also put Aly Michalka on here, because ‘Phil of the Future’ was great. [Pajiba]

Our 10 Favorite Adam Sandler Leading Ladies in Movies - #1-10: Jill. #11, whoever was in Little Nicky. [Unreality]

… Yet.

Rush Limbaugh is an opinionated, loud-mouthed cartoon character with the benefit of a massive bank account. Two years ago, he was rumored to be using a slice of that estimated $700 million net worth to purchase a limited partnership stake in a potential new ownership group for the St. Louis Rams, but he was eventually booted from that endeavor by St. Louis Blues chairman Dave Checketts because he’s… well, he’s Rush Limbaugh.

Limbaugh is the rumored name du jour as the potentially interested buyer for the Minnesota Vikings should the team’s current ownership fail at securing a new stadium deal in Arden Hills. Team executives are adamant about getting a deal done now and will not wait another season. Enter Limbaugh and a seemingly harmless comment during a radio interview with former Minnesota governor Tim Pawlenty that is fueling our thirst for blockbuster NFL rumors.

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Most people aren’t horribly familiar with Hank Haney’s show on The Golf Channel, where he takes celebrities that sucked at golf and helps them…suck less. “The Haney Project” has seen the like of Ray Romano and Charles Barkley, and up next is radio’s Rush Limbaugh, who might be the only fat, white Repblican that can’t break 80. Anyway, he was interviewed by the guys at my favorite USA Today blog, and he had some thoughts on golf that will probably annoy 40 percent of you.

Golf is an individual game. It’s about self-reliance. There is no team. You can’t depend on a government regulation or a grant or a subsidy to help you. You can’t arbitrarily punish somebody else for doing better than you are doing, like liberals do all the time.

There is no question that liberals would have a tough time with this game and wouldn’t like it because they’d have to rely on themselves. How’s that? I dare you to print that. –Game On!

I’d argue that most people that don’t think golf has any of the qualities of we would consider a “sport” simply haven’t played it. As for Rush, if he keeps his mouth shut about Donovan McNabb, maybe he could manage to stay on the show for an entire season.

When George Steinbrenner passed away yesterday, I expected to see a fair share of Boston fans rejoice, albeit insensitively, with the attitude of “Ding dong, the witch is dead.” That ended up not being the case, for the most part, and the majority of the media and sports fans in general have given an iconic figure a considerable level of respect in the wake of his massive heart attack. Thank goodness nobody is using this as a way to beg for attention.

Just kidding. Inexplicably wealthy and even more inexplicably employed radio host Rush Limbaugh offered his own tribute to the Boss yesterday, and instead of simply praising Steinbrenner as an undeniable business genius, buttons were pushed. And because people still somehow tune in to listen to this guy struggle to breathe between words, the most boring day of the sports year is being cluttered with an argument about race.

From yesterday’s Rush Limbaugh Show transcript:

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People are still going ape over shock jock Rush Limbaugh and his association with a group planning to buy the St. Louis Rams. Add NFL commissioner Roger Goodell to that list. Apparently Limbaugh needs to beef up on his “Roamin’ Catholic Ginger Ruling With An Iron Fist” demo.

“I’ve said many times before, we’re all held to a high standard here,” Mr. Goodell said. “I would not want to see those comments coming from people who are in a responsible position in the N.F.L. — absolutely not.”

Mr. Goodell emphasized that it was extremely early in the process and that the Rosenbloom family, which owns the St. Louis Rams, is not even fully committed to sell its majority stake in the team.[..] via.

Support seems to be in short supply at the ownership level as well. Indianapolis Colts owner Jim Irsay is on record as saying “Not a chance in Hell.”

“I myself couldn’t even think of voting for him,” said Irsay speaking from the NFL’s Fall Owner’s Meetings in Boston.via.

I gave my take on this at the Washington Post blog, and while I think Limbaugh has every right to own whatever he can afford, Limbaugh doesn’t seem to be great for business. And some have drawn parallels to Michael Vick and the media’s attitude toward his reinstatement, which seems like apples and oranges. While Vick’s actions were obviously more atrocious, they seem to be over and done with. The last thing Goodell wants to do is monitor his owners the way that he has to do with the players.