Jamaican sprinter Usain Bolt has two great talents: being the fastest person in the world and steamrolling blondes.

By way of Fourth-Place Medal comes this clip of Bolt hitting 9.79 in the 100 meters at the international Diamond League meet, running into a flower girl who’d wandered onto the track and dragging her along with him as he tries to stop running. When asked what they thought of the clip, Yahoo! users said “FIRE CHRIS CHASE” and “HOW IS THIS NEWS”, adding “fire chris chase bleargh”.

Oddly enough, the video reminded me of this:

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I’d add 27-year old Japanese sprinter Maya Nakanishi to our list of Olympic athletes to watch, but she deserves on a list of her own. Firstly, Nakanishi is Paralympic athlete and is missing the lower half of her right leg. Secondly, she’s bankrolling a new prosthetic and a trip to this year’s London Paralympic Games by stripping down for a nude photo calendar. It’s beautiful, and a lot like that episode of ‘Saved By The Bell’ where Zack photographs the swim team to pimp the school store.

Via Mid-Day.com:

The calendar, with pictures taken by professional photographer Takao Ochi, shows an unclothed Nakanishi striking tasteful poses that ensure just enough of her body is covered.

Nakanishi said on her official blog she hoped people would enjoy the calendar.

“I don’t regret having become nude. I’m very happy that I was able to show Maya Nakanishi as I am.”

You should never regret having become nude.

To see if you’re very happy that she was able to show Maya Nakanishi as she is, click through and check out the pictures. I think it’s great. I also want to see her spin-kick people.

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If Fourth Place Medal‘s headline had been the end of the story (“Usain Bolt dumped his girlfriend to focus on London Olympics”) I would’ve disagreed with his decision, but I would’ve understood.

News reports suggest Bolt’s break up with Lubica Slovak, 28, was because of his desire to repeat his double gold/world record Olympic performance in London. The Jamaican swept the sprint events in 2008 and set the world marks in each race.

A source close to Bolt told the Sun, “He will have plenty of time for relationships. At the moment he’s concentrating on his running career and doesn’t want anything to distract from that.”

Being a peak Olympic athlete is an every-second-of-your-life dedication that requires unimaginable sacrifice, no matter how much faster you are than everyone already and no matter how foxy the Slovakian fashion designer you’ve been dating for six months is. An athlete’s heart is a deep ocean of secrets, or whatever. “Sorry, I can’t love you, I HAVE TO RUN A LOT.”

Sadly, that doesn’t appear to be the end of the story. Some sources are saying that the Olympics had nothing to do with Usain calling it quits and that he broke up with Lubica because she’s white, he has a “white woman complex” and couldn’t deal with the backlash from a picture of them kissing. Because if a black guy and a white lady are dating for six months that’s fine, but if they kiss … that’s just too far.

Here’s the pic in question:

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The headline reads “Report: Smoking may be beneficial to long distance runners”. Some of the reasons presented?

-Serum hemoglobin is related to endurance running performance. Smoking is known to enhance serum hemoglobin levels and (added bonus), alcohol may further enhance this beneficial adaptation.
-Lung volume also correlates with running performance, and training increases lung volume. Guess what else increases lung volume? Smoking.
-Running is a weight-bearing sport, and therefore lighter distance runners are typically faster runners. Smoking is associated with reduced body weight, especially in individuals with chronic obstructive pulmonary disease (these folks require so much energy just to breath that they often lose weight).

In the discussion, [author Ken Myers] goes on to point out that:

Cigarette smoking has been shown to increase serum hemoglobin, increase total lung capacity and stimulate weight loss, factors that all contribute to enhanced performance in endurance sports. Despite this scientific evidence, the prevalence of smoking in elite athletes is actually many times lower than in the general population. The reasons for this are unclear; however, there has been little to no effort made on the part of national governing bodies to encourage smoking among athletes.

Disclaimer: This study was posted in the Canadian Medical Association Journal, so it could be completely wrong. You know how they are in Canada. Don’t start smoking and send me an angry e-mail when you’re on your knees in the middle of the hurdles throwing up your guts.

Of course, when you dig a little deeper you find out that this was written less to advocate smoking for runners and more to prove that you can prove anything with a review article. I’ve been arguing this for years. Eventually you learn that everything in recorded history is wrong and the science we’ve been raised to believe as fact has been erased and rewritten every hundred years. And people are always like, “oh, no, this is true, I proved it with a bunsen burner” and I’m like “RAHHH PEOPLE USED TO PROVE THE EARTH WAS FLAT WITH A BUNSEN BURNER SHUT UP”.

Regardless, it’s a compelling argument. Next, he should prove how eating more will boost your metabolism and help you be skinny. Yeah f**king right.

I am making an effort to get my girlfriend more interested in this website by featuring things like running and “Saved By The Bell”. And also by putting her friends in the headers.

Sports

Nike Running’s Evolution Film: The LunarGlide+ 3 - Is this the one with the “Ecstasy of Gold” remix where LaDainian Tomlinson and Troy Polamalu are born and immediately start running at each other? Because that’s the best commercial of all time, and maybe one of the best films. [Smoking Section]

Peter King Has Very Objective Criteria For Determining The Best Ballparks In The Universe - This reads just as wonderfully and bizarrely as the title. I keep wanting to do a Peter King guest Dugout, but I swear I could never do it justice. The best ballparks in the universe are Camden Yards (for beauty) and Citizens Bank Park (for utilitarianism), end of story. [KSK]

Jimmy Rollins Meets Jimmy “Superfly” Snuka - Speaking of Citizens Bank, I really wanted to turn this picture into a Dugout, but I couldn’t get any farther than Rollins saying “oh man, remember that time you jumped off the cage onto what’s his face, don muraco” and Superfly going “yah bruddah”. I’m about to get okeydoked by these Big Jimmies. [The Wrestling Blog]

Arianny Celeste Kissing a Giant Banana Penis Statue - I couldn’t feature a big picture of this at the top of the links today, and I urge you to think twice before clicking the link. Imagine if Arianny Celeste was giving head to Yao Ming. That’s sorta what you’re getting into. [Cage Potato]

With Leather

The Best and Worst of WWE Raw 7/25 - Be sure to catch up on pro wrestling during this one time per decade when it starts getting good. The comments sections of these posts are the coolest and most humbling thing ever, by the way, and I wish I had better ways to say thanks. But thanks. [With Leather]

Barack Obama Meets The Stupid Guy Who Needs Attention From The San Francisco Giants - Alternate title, “Brian Wilson Does More With His Suit Than Our President Has Done In Years”. Not sure I’m HARDBALL~ enough to make that title work, so we’ll stick to making fun of my least favorite baseball player. [With Leather]

Try With Leather Free Fantasy Baseball - It’s a free, fun thing you can do that takes two seconds and covers one night, and you can win $300 dollars and there are Kate Upton pictures. I can’t push this any harder, just go sign up for it, please. [With Leather]

Boston Bruins-Themed Wedding Reception - Behold, a wedding full of people who probably have the worst female accent of all time. [With Leather]

Not Sports

John Goodman Joins Community - They’re trying to fill season 3 with my favorite people from the history of television, first Omar, now Dan Conner. I’m going to wake up tomorrow and read “Margaret Farquhar from that square dancing episode of The Wonder Years joins Community”. [Warming Glow]

The Big Lebowski House and 6 Other “On The Market” Film & TV Homes You’re Too Poor to Buy - It’s a John Goodman sort of morning. The next link is “overweight preacher beats escaped convict with enormous tree branch, click to see the gallery”. [UPROXX]

Supercut: Cinema’s Greatest Mirror Pep Talks - I love these and wish I knew how to make them. I wouldn’t have good concepts, either, I’d just make a supercut of every time somebody said “Gump” in Forrest Gump. Then people would stop going to Film Drunk :( [Film Drunk|

13 Things You Didn't Know About Saved by the Bell - To be fair, I knew most of these. So it's like four things you didn't know about Saved By The Bell. Or, if you're a normal person, 13 Things You Didn't Know About Saved By The Bell. [Unreality]

Normally, Tosh.0 posts on With Leather involve web redemptions for the Phillies tazer kid or the “boom goes the dynamite” guy. Best case scenario, Manny Pacquiao has just punched him in the face and you need to know about it.

This week’s requisite Tosh post spotlights the $150,000 Tosh.0 Marathon, wherein thousands of people gathered to run on treadmills on Hermosa Beach in California to see how far they could get before a Kenyan runner finished first. As if that weren’t enough, the marathon featured magicians, stairmasters, improv sketch comedy and a bunch of horrible racism that is okay because he’s kidding. You can check out the video below, but be aware of all the cursing and slow motion lady-running before you click play.

The best part is even Tosh being unable to mock the affable Kenyan guy at the end. I did the math, and if I’d participated in this with my sharp 17-minute mile, I would’ve logged about 7/10th of one before giving up and having fun on the beach.

[via Tosh.0]