I tried to find a picture of a bull standing triumphantly in the streets of Pamplona with a bunch of dead, trampled people and some destroyed buildings in the background, but apparently that never happens, and it’s just about 50,000 people herding an animal to a stadium where it’s stabbed in the neck repeatedly until it dies, and then a guy dressed like a figure skater celebrates like he accomplished something difficult.

Sports

Bulls on Parade: A Heartwarming Gallery from the 2011 Running of the Bulls - There’s a big post about this directly beneath me, but if you’re the type who clicks directly into these things and/or has problems with short-term memory loss, please revisit Friday’s gallery of drunk people, confetti showers and bulls about to stomp Spanish people to death. With Leather

The Hot Girl Swedish Sweater Swap - Another choice post from Friday that you might’ve missed is this one, which starts off as a “can ya believe this happened?” sort of deal and evolves into a hot girl gallery with a Swedish lady’s sweaty butt. And then it ends with a Parks and Rec joke. Basically it is the perfect way to spend 10 minutes. [With Leather]

Six People LeBron James Should Meet During the Lockout - I try to let others on the Uproxx network handle stories and editorials about LeBron, because mine are always the same. The first person I’d have him meet would be the Black Racer (from DC Comics, not from Kenya) and then the rest of the article would sort of build from that. [Smoking Section]

Not Sports

People Really Did Shut Up and Eat Their Awesome - Transformers 3: A Momentary Lapse of Reason brought in a record 999 billion dollars at the box office over the weekend, proving that we truly deserve every terrible movie some asshole spends 200 million to make. Lesson learned: People don’t want to see super heroes, they want to see blackface robots with big swinging robot balls. (note: The picture of Rosie Huntington-Whiteley featured is the best picture of her ever, because you can’t see most of her face) [Gamma Squad]

TV’s Most Memorable F-Words - Any list that features both “The Wire” and the British version of “The Office” is awesome. All it needs is an F-word from “The Wonder Years” and it’s covering the best shows ever. [Warming Glow]

10 Unfortunately Named Doctors - This is one of those things you don’t think you’re going to laugh at because, come on, you’re an adult. But then you see a guy named “Dr. Dooms” and start laughing, and pretty soon you’ve ready 45% of Buzzfeed and your Morning Links post is almost late. [Buzzfeed]

Paul Blart: Zookeeper Is the Kevin James Falling Downingest Film of the Summer - I’m happy Kevin James had a TV show for like 10 years so I can know for sure to avoid anything with Kevin James in it. You might be Paul Blart, but I’ll always remember you as the dormant homosexual who wanted to do it with Hitch. [Film Drunk]

Yesterday marked the start of the 2011 Running of the Bulls, the most popular part of the seven-day festival of Sanfermines in honor of San Fermín in Pamplona, Spain. This is one of those things I can’t really report about without editorializing, so I’ll let good old Wikipedia fill in your blanks.

Spanish lore says the true origin began in North-eastern Spain during the early 14th century. While transporting cattle in order to sell at the market, men would attempt to speed the process by hurrying their cattle using tactics of fear and excitement. After years of this practice, the transportation and hurrying began to turn into a competition, as young adults would attempt to race in front of the bulls and make it safely to their pens without being overtaken. When the popularity of this practice increased and was noticed more and more by the expanding population of Spanish cities, a tradition was created and stands to this day.

The modern purpose of the run is to transport a bunch of bulls from the off-site corrals where they had spent the night, to the bullring where they would be killed in the evening, and to charge Bohemian tourists with no sense of compassion 250 bucks to stand on somebody’s balcony. Ah, sorry. I don’t want to push my beliefs on anybody, but I do want to present to you a huge gallery of pictures from the event. They’re beautiful shots, and I guess it’s hard to take a picture of anybody doing anything during the Running of the Bulls without it looking like a critique on humanity. It’s apparently important to a nation’s culture, like our professional football games, and we can’t hold it against Spain and the Spanish that most of the people paying to attend are devolved goons, like at our professional football games.

Enjoy. And be sure to be in Pamplona for the running next July and every Summer after, should you decide this looks like a great way to spend an afternoon.

[header photo credit AP / Daniel Ochoa de Olza]

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With 45 people who totally had it coming getting hurt in the annual Running of the Bulls in Spain, for once a similar event in New Orleans looked relatively free of violence. Over the weekend, some girls in roller skates got together to chase people through the French Quarter, which is kind of like that segment in Monty Python's The Meaning of Life, except no one dies, which makes it slightly disappointing.

Hundreds of men, women and children, most in white with red scarves around their waists and red bandannas around their necks, gathered outside a French Quarter bar Saturday morning to be chased down Bourbon Street by members of New Orleans' roller derby league.

"Roller skates and a stampede through the Quarter — what could possibly go wrong?" said accountant Jason Medonia.

The run, in its second year, featured 33 roller girls in horned helmets from teams with names like Confederacy of Punches and Crescent Wenches.

A Confederacy of Dunces reference? From girls willing to mix it up and beat up strangers for fun and, if the cops aren't looking, profit? That's so close to my dreams it's scary. The difference being, of course, that my dreams are actually scary.