Tennis star Serena Williams was hanging out in the gallery at the Honda Classic golf tournament in Palm Beach Gardens over the weekend, and just like everyone else, she really wanted a picture of Tiger Woods. Unfortunately, the golf Gestapo takes its photography rules very seriously, so when Williams busted out her iPhone to snap a picture, one official told her to talk to his hand, because it seems that his face was unavailable at that time.

Needless to say, Williams first stared the stare of 1,000 demons at said official before firing off the meanest Tweet in the history of Tweeters.

Ok at this Golf tournament. Just saw @tigerwoodsI understand NO golf Apparently u can’t take pics. This security for mad and yelled at me

— Serena Williams (@serenawilliams) March 1, 2013

Okay, maybe that wasn’t really mean. I just didn’t actually understand it that well. Williams recovered her composure rather quickly – unlike other times in her young life – and she realized her mistake while noting that tennis players have to deal with constant photography. What’s fair is fair, or something to that nature.

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Canadian surgeons are outraged (outrehged?) after medical officials in British Columbia, or the snoottier Columbia if you will, have ordered them to cease all loose talk during surgeries, especially that of hockey. It seems that patients have complained that B.C. doctors have been yapping about their favourite NHL teams while performing operations down at the medical centres, and with that I’m all out of lingual stereotypes.

According to the French Tribune…

Dr. Heidi Otter, Registrar of the province’s College of Physicians and Surgeons said that they have issued this advice post listening to a complaint of the patient, who said that his surgeon was discussing a hockey game with nurses while he was operating his eye. Dr. Otter has further marked that a reminder has been included in the quarterly report, which was posted on the licensing body’s website last December.

“In a patient-centred system, you first consider the patient. Some patients may want to hear their surgeon announce what is happening and other patients may not want to hear a word,” she said.

If you made it through that poorly translated mess, then you deserve your own Stanley Cup, but I won’t be too hard on the author, Annabel Tautou, because I’m going to assume she’s related to Audrey Tautou, who is rather magnifique, according to this renflement in my pantalon.

As for the point of this tale of Canadian intrigue, if I’m going under the knife and it makes the surgeon comfortable to talk about hockey, then by all means talk about hockey. If my surgeon wants to talk about hardcore goat-on-man pornography to avoid killing me then he can talk about it. Just don’t mind this erection, eh?

Fun story out of the New York Jets press conference today: Nick Folk pulled sort of a Donovan McNabb after he kicked the game-winning field goal to put his team over the Detroit Lions in OT on Sunday.

Unaware that the overtime rule changes adopted during the off-season applied only during the playoffs, Folk thought the Lions would get possession if he made the kick.

Said Folk, with a smile: “That is why that might have been the worst game-winning celebration ever.”

Added Rex Ryan: “I thought that was hilarious … Hey, he made the kick. That’s all that matters. We’ll explain the rule book to him later.”
–Fifth Down, via NY Mag.

Alright, Nick. You see that big-assed Y at the end of the field. That guy’s gonna hold the ball on the ground there, and then you kick the ball through it. Cool? Cool. The NY Mag folks were also good enough to make the obligatory Donovan McNabb jokes. Whatever. He’s a kicker. As long as he doesn’t try to eat the ball, he’s cool.

After the jump, you’ll see that weird fumble from the Steelers-Dolphins game from yesterday. The result of the play appears to be a Ben Roethlisberger fumble and a Miami Dolphins recovery in the endzone, which would have been a touchback. Unfortunately for Miami, the head linesman couldn’t wait to signal touchdown, so the play was blown down and nobody bothered sorting out the pile on top of the ball, which was stupid.

Dolphins coach Tony Sparano challenged the ruling of touchdown, burning his last timeout. The touchdown was overturned, but Pittsburgh maintained the ball. Because they’re a bunch of cheaters, obviously. The Steelers kicked a short field goal for a one-point lead, and one could almost hear Bill Parcells ripping the doors off his refrigerator out in the distance.

Miami, needing a field goal to win, couldn’t convert a first down on their ensuing possession, and that was it. But still, the officials deserve the lion’s share of the blame here. But exactly how much is a lion’s share? I’ve never had to share anything with a lion, and even then I’d probably just let him have the whole thing. Except for Asian women. I don’t know why, but lions really hate Asians. Look it up. Read the rest of this entry »

The NFL released a video earlier this week in an effort to educate players and the public on what constitutes a “dangerous” hit. As if some other dude flying at you in a full sprint could be considered anything but dangerous. Anyway, somebody took the video and made a couple changes that apparently were necessary. So enjoy. Thanks to Mike for ripping the original vid. The fact that he was able to do that with a Mac really has me doubting my PC love. Hopefully this will stay up for at least half the time spent ripping it.

I don’t think we can overstate how big a deal concussions are in the NFL. Brain trauma suffered during violent tackles in professional football can have lasting adverse effects on a player’s live even after his career ends. You know, unlike all of those other injuries. The italics were for sarcasm, people.

So now the NFL is trumpeting out a new policy which will allow the league to suspend players for…well, that’s not exactly clear.

The NFL will announce by Wednesday that, effective this weekend, even first-time offenders face suspension for “devastating hits” and “head shots,” according to Ray Anderson, the league’s executive vice president of football operations.

“We can’t and won’t tolerate what we saw Sunday,” Anderson said Monday. “We’ve got to get the message to players that these devastating hits and head shots will be met with a very necessary higher standard of accountability. We have to dispel the notion that you get one free pass in these egregious or flagrant shots.” More from ESPN.com here, including an exchange between Matt Millen and Steve Young that will make your head hurt more than any concussion ever could.

I think we all know what a head shot is, and we can agree that we could do without those. But “devestating hits”? Lemme get this straight: the NFL is going to fine players for hitting too hard? This is a joke, right? Are you videotaping me? Is that a hidden camera? You can’t be serious.

This isn’t going to work. The NFL is the last big league left where everyone still plays hard, because its players have to play hard. These suspensions won’t be enough to change the behavior of a player that’s fighting week after week to keep his job. Think about it: If it comes to sitting out a week for mashing a dude’s skull inside out or cleaning out your locker after getting cut for pulling up on what might be a touchdown-saving tackle, which would you choose? Read the rest of this entry »