What to watch for in this weekend's biggest matchups.  One team or another in ALL CAPS.

Cubs over WHITE SOX – Because I enjoy jinxing long-suffering peoples. No worries, Zimbabwe, I feel like this is your year too. 

ROCK over Everything You Got – Some RPS championship is going down this weekend. You better be in shape, nerdlingers. A word of advice: Rock. Rockrockrockrockrock.

Get Smart over ITALIAN SPIDERMAN – Goddammit, Italian Spidey. Why'd you have to go and suck this week? There had better be some Anne Hathaway punching in this movie. Perhaps of the donkey variety, even. *Wink, wink, punch, punch*

DAYLIGHT over Nighttime - Today is the longest day of the year, says some scienceholes. Not by my watch it's not. Says it's 24 hours like all the others. Oh, you mean in daylight time. Just biased against us undead creatures of the night, as always. 

Netherlands over RUSSIA – They might follow transit officials onto train tracks, but the Dutch still aren't dumb enough to live in Russia.  

The Houston Chronicle has a short profile of Matti Leshem, the commissioner of the USA Rock Paper Scissors League, in advance of the organization's national championship this weekend in Vegas. Besides the shocking revelation that he relates his experiences playing the game in Star Wars metaphors, Leshem says peak physical conditioning is the key to triumphing in the nerd-a-minute world of RPS. Actually, it's just constantly throwing rock. Good ol' rock, nothing beats that.

"Certainly being physically fit makes a big difference. I am very serious about my physical training for Rock Paper Scissors," Leshem said, although the most strenuous activity the game requires is for a player to show his hands.

Well, that's a little more editorializing than I like to see in a news feature, Mrs. Lana Berkowitz. Actually, the most strenuous aspect of RPS is dragging your sorry ass out of bed in the morning when you're only known to the world as a champion of schoolyard games. Let me tell you, being the top foursquare player in the world is a heavy crown to bear.