It’s a pretty standard feature, the collection of the worst national anthem performances of all-time, and most sports and pop culture blogs usually start running them out around Super Bowl time, unless there’s a surprise craptacular performance at an all-star game, NASCAR race, or drunken 4th of July party. But they’re just all so damned classic that we love re-living them every time.

That’s why I can’t believe that it took someone this long to finally put together a spectacular mash-up of the worst anthem performances in history. This new mash-up, brilliantly assembled by the fine folks at Popdust, has everything, like a Tosh.0 special episode – Roseanne, Carl Lewis, Christina Aguilera, the spectacular R. Kelly performance that is almost always excluded, and thank Francis Scott Key, they even included Fergie’s vocal disaster from last week’s Miami Dolphins game against the New England Patriots.

It is the perfect storm of patriotic suck and we salute it.

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You know those genderphobic Time Warner Cable commercials where Mike O’Malley switches off the football game, and his friends suddenly have emotional crises about having only “shells of dreams”?

Real life is turning into that.

Feast your eyes on Life Without Football #1 — Cleats, a YouTube video starring the original Becky from Roseanne that parodies New York Jets head coach Rex Ryan’s foot fetish videos and may or may not costar Ryan himself. It’s less parody and more of a recreation (and in case you missed the original, you are lucky), still sort of venturing into porno territory, but it ends with her getting hit in the face with a football. Not much else is known about the video and at the time of this mention’s publication it’s only got about 100 views, so I’ll update with more information if Life Without Football #2 features Brett Favre texting pictures of his junk to Aunt Jackie.

It’s funny, Lecy Goranson (the aforementioned O.G. Becky) is almost 40-years old now and I still 1) have a crush on her and 2) can’t picture her saying anything without GAWD, MOTHER bookending it.

[h/t Hugging Harold Reynolds]