With UFC 157 just a few days away, I’m sure we’re all on the edge of our bean bag chairs to see if UFC’s first ever women’s champion Ronda Rousey and her UFC debut opponent Liz Carmouche can live up to the hype and provide us with an exciting main event. Of course, there are other great fights on the UFC 157 card – including Chiesa-Kuivanen, Koscheck-Lawler, and, of course, Machida-Henderson – but with Rousey there is always an elevated buzz, because let’s face it – she’s very nice to look at.

But don’t go calling Rousey a sex symbol just yet, because there’s a good chance she might break your jaw. She doesn’t like being a sex symbol, and you can bring up that ESPN Body Issue all you want, but that was about as self-promotion and MMA marketing as it was sex. It’s not like she’s shaving down there for Playboy or peeing on a shower floor for Penthouse.

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First and foremost, there are some exciting rumors today regarding that whole MMA in New York thing that we talked about a few weeks ago and the possibility of a 20th anniversary UFC event at Madison Square Garden. But I’m a man of the present, not the future, so I’m ready to focus on a plethora of Michael McDonald jokes for this weekend’s UFC on Fuel event, live from London, and next week’s highly-anticipated UFC 157 PPV, featuring our favorite female fighter Ronda Rousey and her UFC debut as the Women’s Champion.

Rousey, of course, is fighting Liz Carmouche, who we admire a great deal as well, but that isn’t stopping Cris “Cyborg” Santos and her manager Tito Ortiz from trying to make the story about the Rousey fight that will probably never happen because Cyborg can’t cut enough weight. Because she’ll die or something dramatic like that.

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Ronda Rousey won Female Fighter Of The Year at the Fighters Only World MMA Awards, but I’m willing to vote her into an Emmy, Academy Award, Slammy, The Soup Award or anything else you can win for effectively mocking a 7-year old reality television star.

What follows is Here Comes Ronda Boo Boo, a pretty self-explanatory riff on TLC’s ‘Here Comes Honey Boo Boo’ that reveals the secret to Rousey’s MMA success: she downs a Gatorade bottle full of Go Go Juice between rounds and wins to keep her beloved pig “Glitzy” from being slaughtered. It’s funnier than it should be thanks to Ronda’s on-point comedic timing, but I don’t want to compliment it too much, because there’s a 60% chance that Mama June is being played by MadTV’s Will Sasso.

Anyway, check it out. If you don’t like it, you better redneckonize.

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While the Fighters Only World MMA Awards took place 10 days ago in Las Vegas, the ceremony didn’t actually air until last night on Fox Sports so I didn’t want to play spoiler for anyone who was waiting to watch. And those of us who watched this incredible celebration of the best of the Mixed Martial Arts fighting world in 2012 were hardly shocked by the sport’s biggest names and personalities taking home the top honors.

Perhaps the best news of all was that Tito Ortiz, who is currently trying to help Cris Cyborg lose weight so she can fight Ronda Rousey, was on hand with his best babe, Miley Cyrus Jenna Jameson. The former porn queen had previously been Twitter flirting with Jon Jones and Ortiz confirmed that true love was dead when he Tweeted about being single. But don’t feel bad for Jones, because he was the night’s big (male) winner, as he took home the Charles “Mask” Lewis Fighter of the Year award.

More importantly, though, were the top female winners, as they are two women quite close to our hearts.

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Ronda Rousey’s interview with the Las Vegas Review-Journal has a lot of interesting moments — the sob story about how she’s too popular to go surfing, Ronda referring to her mom as both an “amazon matriarch” and the “biggest badass of all time, dude,” and a thing where she assigns X-Men characters to her family — but the best is the continuation of the weird Rousey/Georges St-Pierre feud she’s been trying to get off the ground for years.

Just before she starts on him again for being a ‘points fighter,’ she drops a soundbite that would make a legion of Tumblr girls ready their side-eye GIFs, assuming anybody on Tumblr pays attention to MMA: we only know who GSP is because he’s a sexy Canadian. You know, like Shania Twain.

She has, however, heard people compare her sex-appeal status to GSP’s.

“Everybody keeps coming up to me and saying, ‘Oh, do you think if you didn’t look such a way, people would like you so much?’

“I’m like, ‘Dude, if GSP was butt ugly, you wouldn’t want to know who he is so much.’

“I think he lucked out a lot that he’s Canadian. I love Canadians. They are the coolest, nicest, most patriotic people, and they will support their countrymen no matter what, and I think that’s commendable.

“But if GSP wasn’t really good-looking, and really Canadian, he would be really unknown.” (via Las Vegas Review-Journal)

If I’m GSP, my response to this is, “So what you’re saying is that I’m hot?”

Seriously though, in what part of Ronda Rousey’s brain does she think a ripped blonde from California who gets asked to take ass-first shots for ESPN The Magazine has to struggle for opportunity while a guy who looks like a Joe Rogan fantasy self-portrait and is from CANADA is celebrated for his beauty and lucky birthright?

If this was pro wrestling, it’d be building to an inter-gender match to unify the Welterweight and Women’s Bantamweight straps. It isn’t, though, so … Ronda Rousey’s kind of a jerk? Is that what we’re supposed to take away from this?

In one of the better “Boys will be boys” stories of this early sports year, New York Knicks forward Carmelo Anthony reportedly took offense to something that Boston Celtics forward Kevin Garnett said to him during Boston’s 102-96 victory on Monday night. According to various websites, Garnett supposedly told Anthony that his wife and decision-maker, La La Vasquez-Anthony, “tasted like Honey Nut Cheerios”. Honestly, I don’t really know how that’s an insult, because it mostly just reminds me of Patrice O’Neal’s birthday cake joke (watch “Elephant in the Room” if you’re unfamiliar).

Now, if I had to guess, Garnett has never had sex with Anthony’s wife. Maybe he has, and therefore is qualified to make such a statement, but this is probably just an example of what the kids call “trash talk”. However, some people believe that this sort of trash talk crosses a line, including Anthony, who waited for Garnett by the Celtics team bus so they could settle this like men. After all, you can take the millionaire professional athlete out of Brooklyn, but you can’t take the Brooklyn out of the corporate product spokesperson.

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