Hey guys, what’s going on in this chatroom?

Baseball season is officially underway, and with it comes the return of The Dugout, the long-running, critically-acclaimed thing we do sometimes where baseball players curse at each other in a chatroom. We’ve been doing it so long, when we started people still used chatrooms.

Anyway, the big MLB news of the day is Yu Darvish and his perfect almost perfect game.

The Texas Rangers’ right-hander struck out 14 batters in 8 2/3 innings before yielding a ground ball up the middle to Houston Astros shortstop Marwin Gonzalez. He threw 111 pitches, 78 for strikes, before manager Ron Washington pulled him. The Rangers won 7-0. (via USA today)

If you missed the game, here’s a verbatim reenactment of the final inning. The Dugout is after the jump.

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Go into the light until we meet again. That’s what the Texas Rangers say again and again. Salamé! (via Sportress Of Blogitude)

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The Nicolas Cage In Everything Project: Photoshopping Nic Cage Into All The Movies And Television |UPROXX|

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The WithLeather Interactive Embarrassing Celebrity Baseball Fan Tracker |With Leather|

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The Five Best English Premier League Goals For 2011-2012 |Smoking Section|

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Question Of The Day: When Was The Last Time You Lost A Fight? |Smoking Section|

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Alex Trebek Discovers Kareem Abdul-Jabbar’s Love Of Vintage Porn |With Leather|

Funny, Sexy, And Awesome Cosplay Of The Week |Gamma Squad|

The 12 Canceled Shows with Higher Ratings than NBC’s ‘Community’ |Warming Glow|

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$10 says they broke the bed.

My buddy texted me this morning to ask what Game 6 looked like through the eyes of a St. Louis Cardinals fan last night, and it took me about 3 hours to respond. I’ve never seen anything so remarkable, so bipolar, so… baseball, in all my life. One second I’m on a stool, rope wrapped tightly around my neck, just waiting for Matt Holliday to kick the legs out. The next I’m screaming for Jon Jay to haul his unkempt afro to home plate. It was way too stressful for a guy with a long family history of high blood pressure, but it was amazing nonetheless.

There are three types of sports fans – the kind that love baseball (like Brandon and I do), the kind that don’t have a problem with baseball but don’t love it enough to watch a game that they don’t have a horse in, and the kind that think baseball sucks. That third kind usually still owns a New York Yankees hat. I don’t think there’s a way in this world that anyone didn’t think last night’s Game 6 between the Cardinals and the Texas Rangers wasn’t the most incredible game they’ve ever witnessed. And we thought it couldn’t get better than the last game of the regular season.

The Cardinals won 10-9 in the bottom of the 11th on a walk-off blast by David Freese to dead center. This game featured boneheaded errors, 28 hits in total, and more World Series firsts than I can even list right now. So let’s recap the game in pictures, or at least the parts I can remember.

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That tweet, from Tony La Russa’s daughter Devon (and courtesy of Big League Stew), is in response to a quickly-deleted Sunday night tweet that read:

I saw a crack head doing “The Wash” today. Coincidence? I think not…

I’m hoping “coincidence, I think not” is the phrase she’s apologizing for, or else she just called recovering cocaine addict and Texas Rangers manager Ron Washington a crackhead. But don’t worry, it’s just a phrase she uses! A phrase to describe people who do crack. Hopefully not to describe black people who do crack specifically.

As the guy who writes The Dugout, a comic where Ron Washington’s only appearances are drug-joke related and we once had Dmitri Young use someone’s skull as a bong, I can only cast so many stones. I will, however, point out that my RON WASHINGTON IS A CRACKHEAD commentary is presented in a fake AIM chatroom with pun screen names and tacos that can speak on a sports comedy blog, and Devon’s is not. I’ll also point out that if you’re just messing around, quickly deleting the comment so nobody can see you’ve made it is a good indicator that you quickly realized you were being dumb, and “it was dumb, sorry” would go a lot farther than “crack head is a phrase I’ve coined”.

I urge everyone who discusses this matter to avoid the phrase “freedom of speech” at all costs.

The Texas Rangers have been one of my favorite teams for almost as long as I’ve been a fan of baseball. The best part about the Rangers is that they’re completely alright with handling bags of explosives. Every major dickhead I’ve ever come to love has decked out in the blue or red then blue again then red again then blue again. Even Elvis Andrus alternate bp warmups are retro!

The Rangers’ most recent fireworks display comes in the form of 23 year-old Leonys Martin. He defected from Cuba in 2010 for the opportunity to escape communism. Or he caught wind of Fatburger and is hoping for a trade to the Dodgers before he retires to sunny, breezy communist torture-jail.

Please enjoy today’s Dugout. I sure hope Ron Washington doesn’t know what the internet is.

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