"Knock knock... violence."

When not winning races against strange monsters on popular children’s shows or violently attempting to decapitate James Harden, Metta World Peace is quite the entertainment industry entrepreneur. Once known as Ron Artest, the Los Angeles Lakers forward has long aspired to branch out into other genres as his NBA career has entered its twilight phase. World Peace has famously tried to make his music career happen through his Tru Warrior label, and he and has given us such “hits” as “Get Lo”.

But what a lot of people forget is that World Peace tried his hand at stand-up comedy last year, and the effort was… courageous. I guess that every comedian deserves a second chance, though, and that’s just what World Peace is going for, as he will soon hit the stage again on Sept. 20 for his own charity event, “Comedy Slam Dunk” at the Laugh Factory.

“I’m definitely going to roast President Obama,” he says, “and I’m gonna roast the new guys, too: I have a cool joke about the new Lakers rock stars, Dwight Howard and Steve Nash, and about Kobe a little bit. And I have a couple of gay jokes that I’m going to say.”

“No, you can tell gay jokes — you just have to be funny,” he counters. “It’s like telling black or white jokes. And I do have a couple of racist jokes — you gotta throw out some racist jokes. There’s a difference between being racist and telling a racist joke. Every comedian does it. There’s no way around it. Gotta talk about your own race, obviously — I’m going to stereotype black people. You gotta stereotype everybody. Females, too.

“Hopefully people like it, and people laugh.” (Via ESPN)

I’ve only tried stand-up comedy a few times, but I’ve watched with fascination since I was a child, as the legends grew and the flash-in-the-pan hacks fizzled. I’ve also sat in comedy clubs and listened to deafening silence as guys with World Peace’s mentality bombed while they stood in a swimming pool of their own sweat.

That said, if he’s going for some sort of awkward, ironic, avant garde performance art, then it sounds like he’s ready to go.

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"Wait, am I the elbower or the elbowee?"

By now, we should be over the fact that in a moment of testosterone- and adrenaline-fueled celebration, a professional athlete was careless and violently elbowed another player in the head. But since that athlete is Metta World Peace, AKA Ron Artest, we’ll never be over it, because WHEN IS HE GOING TO DO IT AGAIN???

Alas, we also can’t be over it when the original victim has now become the hunter. During the first quarter of last night’s incredibly-exciting-despite-the-score 77-75 win over the Los Angeles Lakers, Oklahoma City Thunder guard and NBA 6th Man of the Year James Harden got a little revenge on World Peace when he crossed him up and jabbed him in the cheek with his elbow.

Responded World Peace, “IRONY!”

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Pretend I’m really great at making gifs and made one about Metta World Peace “accidentally” elbowing the Masturbating Bear.

If you couldn’t have guessed, Metta World Peace hasn’t talked to James Harden about the whole “nearly ending you with an elbow to the face” thing and doesn’t plan to … and if he does end up talking to Harden, it’ll be by accident while he’s celebrating a dunk. Or he’ll get really bored and apologize with a facetious YouTube video.

The highlight of the video is Metta saying he elbowed Harden by accident and immediately following that by saying purposefully dirty players who called him out are hypocrites, but my favorite part is probably the Jerry “The King” Lawler-ass “METTA WORLD PEACE” silver shield t-shirt he’s rocking. I hope he elbow smashes and never again talks to the person who made it for him.

On Sunday, the world seemed right again, as Metta World Peace turned back into the Ron Artest of old by laying a vicious elbow to the side of James Harden’s head. Artest said that the elbow was an accident – that he was just caught up in the moment after a big slam dunk – and he even Tweeted his oh-so-sincere regrets about the whole situation. Of course, his Tweets were probably borne from damage control, but hey – it’s the thought that counts.

For some reason, it took NBA commissioner David Stern two days to hand down a punishment for the elbow that had left Harden with a concussion, but Artest will miss the next seven games, including the Los Angeles Lakers’ final regular season action and the playoffs. If the Lakers are bounced from the playoffs before that suspension is up, it will carry over into next season. So yeah, Artest has learned his lesson. Again.

“I apologize to the Oklahoma City Thunder fans and the OKC organization,” World Peace wrote on ronartest.com. “I look foward (sic) to getting back on the floor with my teammates and competing for the Lakers fans.” (Via the Associated Press)

Responded Harden, “The strawberries touched the paper jam, pterodactyl Skittles surprise!” As for Stern, how did he and league officials come to their conclusion on this terrible incident, which marks Artest’s third major suspension? Just protecting the players, y’all.

“The concussion suffered by James Harden demonstrates the danger posed by violent acts of this kind, particularly when they are directed at the head area,” Stern said in a statement. “We remain committed to taking necessary measures to protect the safety of NBA players, including the imposition of appropriate penalties for players with a history of on-court altercations.”

Since Artest clearly has a problem that can only be contained for so long before he can’t control it anymore, here’s a fun suggestion – suspend him 7 games plus however many games Harden misses. Oh, and get the guy some serious, daily psychiatric help. And maybe wrap his arms in foam or bubble tape. And have animal trappers on hand to sedate him after big plays. Or, you know, just let him come back and do it all over again.

(Delightfully edited banner GIF via.)

Normally you’d need one playoff series win or the first three wins in a 6-10 season to get a fan anthem, but in today’s world of fast fame and every girl with a webcam thinking she’s Ingrid Michaelson we can find a theme song for anything.

Enter: YouTube songstress Stephanie K and her 236th one-minute song, “Metta World Peace Elbow”. She’s got an easy point to make (“a guy who hurts people shouldn’t be named peace”) and is ready to sing it like motherf**king Ariel.

Check out the clip after the jump, but be warned: you may be stuck singing “Ron! OH Ron!” for the rest of the day.

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World Peace elbowing James Harden in the head and knocking it off is pretty predictable, but what isn’t is how Taiwan interprets the Pacers fan brawl. I never knew it started with a Molotov Cocktail!

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