Roger Clemens Is Innocent, Didn’t Know About The Man-Sized Needle In His Ass

Written by Brandon Stroud / 06.20.12

I’m facing a Taiwanese Animation curse. Whenever I share them, people go “heh yeah okay” and that’s it. When I don’t, they get linked everywhere and people are all LOL CAN YOU BELIEVE THIS. What I’m trying to say is “Carol, just move to the United States and marry me so I can stop worrying about it”.

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The Dugout: Let Laura Pettitte Testify

Written by Brandon Stroud / 07.14.11

Clemens mistrial

Roger Clemens is a free man. More or less.

The perjury trial of former Major League Baseball pitcher Roger Clemens ended in a mistrial on the second day of witness testimony after prosecutors showed the jury evidence that violated a court order.

U.S. District Judge Reggie Walton in Washington said today that he’s considering barring further prosecution of Clemens on double-jeopardy grounds and set a hearing for Sept. 2 on whether to let the case proceed.

As a baseball fan and a human male on the Internet, I am outraged. I want Roger Clemens to go to jail for the rest of his life. No, I don’t think a prison term is the best idea for someone who cheated at baseball or did drugs or lied about either, I just really don’t like Roger Clemens. I am going to register a “kill Roger Clemens with a firing squad” Facebook page because of this, and I’m sure that will effect change.

Until then, please read the transcript from today’s proceedings.

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