With the NBA trade deadline just 7 days away, all of the media’s focus is on the big market teams and their needs, which begs the question – which chump teams are gonna get fleeced? The quick answer: probably none. The Orlando Magic currently have the 5th best record in the entire league, which absolutely baffles me after watching them stand still and take it hard against the 4-win Charlotte Bobcats the other night, but then that’s how the wonderful world of sports works. So they’re most likely not trading Dwight Howard, and every other team is stuck waiting to see what happens with that to make their own moves. Classic log jam, folks.

Common sense says that Orlando won’t get a Denver Nuggets-type haul at the deadline, so that means the Magic instead want to move some of their crap for another team’s lesser crap. Meanwhile, Kobe Bryant and the Los Angeles Lakers sure could use some help, as could pretty much any team that isn’t the Chicago Bulls, Oklahoma City Thunder, San Antonio Spurs or Miami Heat. Face it, your team is pretty much screwed.

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Despite what a bunch of pompous crybabies like myself predicted during the NBA lockout, a little forced time off eventually did nothing to hurt the sanctity of the league and the statuses and images of its stars. That has been clearly evident from the strong ratings, and it has been aided by unexpected blessings like Jeremy Lin popping up in the league’s favorite market. And as Sunday’s All-Star Game has come and gone, TNT had a ratings bonanza and David Stern cackled atop his throne of angel skulls.

Now we can go back to wondering what’s going to happen to Dwight Howard and Deron Williams. Will they end up together in New Jersey/Brooklyn? Dallas? Orlando? Turkey? A Whole Foods in Connecticut? A lube-soaked spooning embrace? Yes to all is my prediction, because that’s the easy choice and we have more important matters confronting us, like making fun of Chris Brown.

Because that’s the most important thing we can do today.

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I was hoping that by this point in the week I’d have some fun little anecdotes to share about how Orlando is shaping up for All-Star Weekend, but short of about 60 more homeless people than usual and some banners, I haven’t noticed much yet. In fact, I’m mega bummed, you guys. My buddy got me on the guest list for Diddy’s All-Star party this weekend and I was super pumped to go and take really awkward pictures next to all of the celebrities in attendance (“Hey is that Joey Fatone with Skeet Ulrich???”) but word on Church Street is that the party was cancelled thanks to some screw up by a promoter. Bummers, y’all.

But I’m still gonna do my best to put together a fun recap for next Monday, because I’m perpetually bound to run into ridiculous stuff on a weekend like this. I may still attend the Rising Stars Challenge and Dunk Contest, but the real fun is going to be at the bars, so I will stick to what I do best. My prediction? I end up bare-knuckle boxing Aaron Carter behind a Steak-N-Shake dumpster. Fingers crossed!

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I’d like to be a NBA hipster and claim that I’m already over this damned Jeremy Lin hype, but I’d be lying. Aside from the endless SportsCenter fellatio that only ESPN can provide the athlete du jour, I think the guy is a great story and he’s an exciting player to watch. But above all else, he’s a reminder that the right guys, while seemingly worthless to one team, can be the perfect fit with another team, if that franchise has capable eyes and ears making the decisions. Do you think Isiah Thomas thinks to sign Lin if he’s still the New York Knicks president? Hell no. And there are plenty of other teams that could have used his shot in the arm – both on the court and in the bank – but the NBA is so lopsided when it comes to competent GMs and team presidents that it’s amazing Lin even got another chance.

Other than that, it’s business as usual this week. The San Antonio Spurs are the hottest team in the NBA with a 9-game winning streak, but we don’t talk about them because they don’t have Lin. The Chicago Bulls are currently the best team in the NBA despite Derrick Rose’s absence and the Miami Heat are quietly plotting the addition of a big man. Will it be Chris Kaman? Nobody knows, but yes, it will be Kaman, because New Orleans is trying to get rid of everyone so the Hornets can eventually finally start the league’s first ever all janitor team.

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It’s hard to deny that there wasn’t New York fever this week, between the Giants winning the Super Bowl on Sunday and the Knicks winning three in a row thanks to the out-of-nowhere excitement provided by guard Jeremy Lin. But football is over and now is the time that we focus on the most important thing in our lives – the NBA regular season. And thanks to Lin’s exciting play this week, there’s finally something for fans of New York basketball to be happy about. You know, if they can ignore that whole 11-15 record.

Will Lin continue to thrill and wow the New York crowds all the way to a NBA Championship? No. That’s absurd. But is there a certain delightful quirk about watching a Chinese point guard dunking all over the pathetic Washington Wizards? You bet your six demon bag there is. This is an all inclusive weekly feature, though, and we have a lot to cover with little attention span to devote. For starters, did you know that Rihanna has become quite the Los Angeles Clippers fan this season? It’s true.

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Much to no one’s surprise, the Oklahoma City Thunder are currently the best team in the NBA, as Kevin Durant and Russell Westbrook continue their strange “I’m not better than him but I’m secretly better than him” routine, and the Chicago Bulls and Miami Heat have all but locked up their eventual meeting in the Eastern Conference Finals. And as I pointed out yesterday, while I might be a little biased, the Orlando Magic’s incredible collapse is probably the most interesting story in the NBA right now.

Other than that, all eyes are on the trade mill, so essentially the Magic are the focus of everyone with Dwight Howard standing firm with his preferred teams of the Los Angeles Clippers, Dallas Mavericks, Los Angeles Lakers and New Jersey Nets. Of course he’s also said that he’d play for the Boston Celtics or Chicago Bulls, but it’s clear as day that he wants to play in New Jersey or Brooklyn or wherever, and Magic GM Otis Smith is way too stubborn to trade him, so Howard will most likely sign there as a free agent.

Everything else is pretty much business as usual. So let’s make fun of everyone, shall we?

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