It’s time for “This Week In Canadian Rodeo,” where an enterprising young bull named Rewind decided to stop taking crap from his superiors and actually do something with his life. And apparently the first step of his own personal renaissance involved trampling a handful of Canadians. Hey, I approve.

“The bull is finished as far as this rodeo is concerned,” said Dale Leschiutta, president and interim general manager of the Canadian Professional Rodeo Association.[..]

“I look at the footage on TV and it seems like it happens real fast, but when you’re right there, it just seemed like it took forever,” witness Terri Croisetiere told the Journal. “Everybody was screaming and trying to get out of the way.”

Poor Rewind. It’s bad news when a bull can’t even find work in Canada. One woman did wind up going to the hospital, while several other spectators presumably made Canadian gravy in their pants. Is it bad that the only object of my empathy here is the bull? Seriously, when’s the last time anyone ever complained about “cruelty to Canadians?” Read the rest of this entry »

The Louisiana State Penitentiary is commonly referred to as “Angola,” because hey, prison isn’t already scary enough.  And this particular clink is host to the longest-running prison rodeo in the nation (there are others?), the aptly named Angola Prison Rodeo.  From the NOLA.com blog:

Yes, that’s right, the entire rodeo takes place in the Louisiana State Penitentiary, and the inmates perform the rodeo, just for your pleasure…

The last event of the rodeo is stated to be the best event by the Penitentiary. “Gut’s [sic] and Glory” makes inexperienced inmates retrieve a poker chip from the meanest and toughest Brahma bull available.

A step in the right direction.  Now we just need to get rid of the bulls and have them kill each other for sport.

Also, the prison rodeo will be featured on an upcoming episode of Real Sports on HBO, where you’ll be treated to this groin-grabbingly good quote from an inmate:

“[The bull's] horn hooked me right up under my testicles, ripped them, and I looked down and both of my testicles were hanging in my hand. I mean, it wasn’t torn off from the body but they were just hanging in the skin. I looked at them and that’s when I felt the pain.”

That’s probably also when he wished he hadn’t robbed that liquor store.

help sponsor Elaine's Scrabble team in the upcoming 826NYC benefit.)

For eight seconds, Renato Nunes was the center of attention in the center of the universe, as the Professional Bull Riders tour opened the '08 season at Madison Square Garden. Then a 1500-pound bull stomped on his head.

Last year marked the first time PBR’s Built Ford Tough Series invaded Gotham, and the Versus Invitational drew so many Upper East Side cowboy boots that the tour opted for an encore. (Perhaps this shouldn’t be a surprise: PBR events drew 1.6 million fans last season.) So I grabbed a few friends and a couple of cheap seats to see the Garden get its Jersey on, to watch bulls like Peacemaker and Whiskey Nights chuck riders with names like Wiley Petersen and Travis Briscoe.

Heading into the competition, I knew nothing but the basics: Riders try to hang on for eight seconds, then earn style points based on their control and the bull's giddy-up. It makes for clunky Luke Perry movies — but in person, there was nearly constant action: Six chutes were loaded with man and beef [RAWR! -Ed.], and every few seconds, another one flew open. Last year, Rudy Giuliani showed up; this time it was simply Jack Daniels — to go with the prayer before the Star Spangled Banner, and enough western hats and skimpy lace for years of cowgirl fantasies.
 
And then there were the bulls. Fine Wine, which might actually be a triceratops, shook off Nunes, then tap-danced on the back of his skull. (Nunes stumbled off and appeared to be fine. Relatively.) Colby Yates (who was destined to become a bull rider, or a quarterback at Texas), drew behemoth newcomer Slammer — a beast straight from Middle-earth — and promptly hit the ground like a skinny bag of soup. Maybe there’s something to the recent report about steroids infecting the sport — and being used by the bulls.
 
There was even NFL-style drama when one rider thought about calling for an instant replay because judges ruled he’d been bucked off just shy of eight seconds. Riders can request a replay, but if they’re proven wrong there are no timeouts to charge. Instead, they’re charged $500. (The rider decided to save the challenge — and his money.)
 
Chris Shivers brought home the night’s top score, taming Cat Man Do for a 90.75 and the lead after two days of the three-day event. Twenty-six of the forty riders went all eight seconds Saturday, apparently an astounding clip. Still, the fan favorite was one who didn’t: Adriano Moraes, the only three-time PBR World Champion, and the man who’s second all-time in money earned. (That’s a grand career total of $3.4 million, by the way — about what A-Rod makes for picking up his batting helmet.)

Moraes, three months shy of 38, announced Friday he would retire at the end of this season. Hell, ’06 Rookie of the Year J.B. Mauney turns 21 Wednesday — and these athletes age worse than Earl Campbell. (Mauney described his worst wreck, from 2005, by saying: “I got checked out and found out I had broken all the ribs on my right side, lacerated my liver, and bruised my kidney and spleen” — which is exactly the way my day at the office doesn’t go.) Moraes has broken 25 bones and had nine major surgeries.

Saturday he climbed aboard Buffalo Bob, a bull that weighs slightly less than a RAV4. Whip crack went the whippy tail, and four seconds later, Moraes was done. But when the buzzer sounded, there was a standing ovation and the crowd made a sound unlike anything Isaiah Thomas has heard in that building.

And then it just sort of ended. Lights came up and people left. The whole thing was a little surreal — but I'd damn sure have gone back Sunday if I’d had the time. If only for the cowgirls.

According to the YouTube description of this video, the last person sitting at the table while the bull ran loose would win a prize.  That prize: a bull absolutely ruining your shit.

WARNING: There are some graphic, bloody images are in this video.  Sweet!  MORE SERIOUS WARNING:  You should consider muting your sound. The video has "The Gambler" by Kenny Rogers.  And pretty much the last thing anyone needs to hear on a Monday morning is "The Gambler."  I'd almost rather be told I'm fired. 

[Draft General via 100% Injury Rate]