With the 2012 Summer Olympics wrapped up and the NFL season still a few weeks away, the standard summer sports boredom that we all suffer has been lessened to some extent – unless you like baseball and America. But slow news day and all, I’ve been a little distracted by this video that was Tweeted out by comedienne Jenny Johnson over the weekend. It appears that Kim Kardashian isn’t the only talentless woman in her family with dreams of pop music superstardom based on the low expectations and poor taste of this great country.

At some point in the 1980s, the Kardashian matriarch, Kris Jenner, decided to give singing a try in a video that she recorded to honor of all her famous friends. It was basically a VHS lesson in name-dropping. And right there in the middle of the whole, terrifying butchering of a Randy Newman classic is O.J. Simpson, the reason that we even have these wretched fame leeches in the first place.

As always, I watched it, so you get to watch it now. Fair is fair, friends.

Read the rest of this entry »

You don’t have to be an accredited laboratory technician to look at Khloe Kardashian and say, “hey, that eight-foot tall white monster lady doesn’t look anything like her four-foot tall Armenian princess sisters”, but thanks to some combination of X needing money and Y needing to stay in the tabloids, it’s official: According to a report from Radar Online by way of Star magazine, Khloe Kardashian is not a Kardashian, and patriarch Robert took a “well, duh” approach in explaining where she came from.

“Khloe is not his kid — he told me that after we got married,” Jan Ashley, 63, the woman who married Robert after Kris Jenner, revealed to Star.

“He just kind of looked at me and said [it] like it was a matter of fact. He said, ‘Well, you know that Khloe’s not really a Kardashian, don’t you?’ And I said…’OK,’ and that was it.”

As godawful and deserving of a casting into pits as the Kardashians are, you’ve got to feel sorry for a woman when the news story of the day is, “yeah, she isn’t real, but we didn’t want to be embarrassed so whatever”. It gets worse for her, too … she isn’t adopted or a daughter from a previous marriage who got shuffled into the group like so much Jan Brady. Khloe is a Kris Jenner lovechild.

Ellen Kardashian, 63, married Robert in 2003 just two months before his death, after dating for nearly six years — and she has also come forward after eight years of silence to “tell the truth” about the Kardashian family.

“Robert did question the fact that Khloe was his,” Ellen said. “Any normal man would if they knew their wife had cheated on him … [but] he never would have considered a DNA test,” Ellen concluded. “He loved her very much.”

“But I don’t give a sh*t about them,” she added. “So here’s all their garbage.”

Khloe has already taken to Twitter to defend herself, because what’s she supposed to do, wait for Lamar Odom to do it?:

Read the rest of this entry »