So, here’s everything you need to know: Porn aficionado, Tim Tebow f**ker and New England Patriots tight end Rob Gronkowski went out dancing at a Las Vegas nightclub. Because he’s Rob Gronkowski, he took off his shirt and acted weird. Because TMZ is TMZ, they filmed the entire thing, posted it online and littered it with ellipses and CAPITAL LETTERS of JUDGMENT~.
Near the end of the clip, Gronk stops dancing in favor of grabbing his friend by the waist and trying to gutwrench suplex him (or something). Here’s the video, with proper analysis to follow.
Photos from the latest ESPN The Magazine Body Issue have landed, and in this year’s issue we get to see Strikeforce Women’s Bantamweight Champion Ronda Rousey in nothing but pink gloves … possibly our only chance to ever do so without being glared at and having our arms ripped off.
In a story that is hopefully already in the process of becoming a Kissing Suzy Kolber skit, New England Patriots tight end, pitch man, folk hero and porn star gronker Rob Gronkowski attended a scheduled public speaking event at the University of Rhode Island and was asked probably the most learned thing a college kid in Rhode Island could ask Rob Gronkowski: “Marry, Eff, Kill: Rex Ryan, Tim Tebow, Betty White?”
Jets head coach Rex Ryan is a pretty obvious “kill” here, because 1) he’s Rex Ryan, 2) Tim Tebow wouldn’t be negatively affected by death because he’s set with The Lord, and 3) Betty White is about to die anyway. Assumedly you’d want to “marry” Betty, because she’s a rich old humanitarian who has managed to remain lovable despite the Internet’s attempts to ruin her, so that leaves Tim Tebow as your “eff”.
So how would that work, exactly? Gronkowski explains:
New England Patriots tight end slash adult film industry philanderer slash teenage dunk master Rob Gronkowski is harnessing the power of social media (and obnoxious-for-pay viral videos) to compel his fan base to rock the ESPN’s SportsNation vote and get him on the cover of ‘Madden 13′.
His plan includes:
- Doing bicep curls with a crutch - Making aggressive animal noises into his friend’s stomach - Tons and tons of Zubaz pants - Just getting jacked at all times - Going crazy - Inviting you to check out his brothers, who cannot stop exercising on the floor of Gronk’s house even when he’s injured. - Putting on sunglasses without using his hands - Getting hyped - Getting Gronked
Sounds solid, bro. I want to see a follow-up video where instead of asking fans to vote for him, Peyton Hillis tells his bros that he’s not feeling well, and he’s probably just gonna go take a nap.
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