So, here’s everything you need to know: Porn aficionado, Tim Tebow f**ker and New England Patriots tight end Rob Gronkowski went out dancing at a Las Vegas nightclub. Because he’s Rob Gronkowski, he took off his shirt and acted weird. Because TMZ is TMZ, they filmed the entire thing, posted it online and littered it with ellipses and CAPITAL LETTERS of JUDGMENT~.
Near the end of the clip, Gronk stops dancing in favor of grabbing his friend by the waist and trying to gutwrench suplex him (or something). Here’s the video, with proper analysis to follow.
A fight broke out in the crowd at a Lingerie Football League game. “Guy in a Rob Gronkowski jersey” vs. “guy with an unbuttoned shirt and gold necklace”. Who ya got? (via LFL on YouTube)
Photos from the latest ESPN The Magazine Body Issue have landed, and in this year’s issue we get to see Strikeforce Women’s Bantamweight Champion Ronda Rousey in nothing but pink gloves … possibly our only chance to ever do so without being glared at and having our arms ripped off.
Anyway, after the jump are a few choice shots from the issue (we can’t include them all, we want you to visit ESPN for that) including Ronda’s full appearance. Naked horse-licked jockey not included.
In a story that is hopefully already in the process of becoming a Kissing Suzy Kolber skit, New England Patriots tight end, pitch man, folk hero and porn star gronker Rob Gronkowski attended a scheduled public speaking event at the University of Rhode Island and was asked probably the most learned thing a college kid in Rhode Island could ask Rob Gronkowski: “Marry, Eff, Kill: Rex Ryan, Tim Tebow, Betty White?”
Jets head coach Rex Ryan is a pretty obvious “kill” here, because 1) he’s Rex Ryan, 2) Tim Tebow wouldn’t be negatively affected by death because he’s set with The Lord, and 3) Betty White is about to die anyway. Assumedly you’d want to “marry” Betty, because she’s a rich old humanitarian who has managed to remain lovable despite the Internet’s attempts to ruin her, so that leaves Tim Tebow as your “eff”.
So how would that work, exactly? Gronkowski explains:
New England Patriots tight end slash adult film industry philanderer slash teenage dunk master Rob Gronkowski is harnessing the power of social media (and obnoxious-for-pay viral videos) to compel his fan base to rock the ESPN’s SportsNation vote and get him on the cover of ‘Madden 13′.
His plan includes:
- Doing bicep curls with a crutch - Making aggressive animal noises into his friend’s stomach - Tons and tons of Zubaz pants - Just getting jacked at all times - Going crazy - Inviting you to check out his brothers, who cannot stop exercising on the floor of Gronk’s house even when he’s injured. - Putting on sunglasses without using his hands - Getting hyped - Getting Gronked
Sounds solid, bro. I want to see a follow-up video where instead of asking fans to vote for him, Peyton Hillis tells his bros that he’s not feeling well, and he’s probably just gonna go take a nap.
Rob Gronkowski and Matt Light Partied After Last Night’s Super Bowl Loss - I don’t know Gronk personally, but I assume “play football” and “party” are his only two speeds. This is how he expresses sadness. [Brobible]
M.I.A.’s Middle Finger: A Synthetic Scandal - Here’s an idea: if a “mere apology” isn’t enough to make the PTC happy, stop apologizing to the PTC. [Warming Glow]
Nicki Minaj Slowed Down = Jay-Z - The best part of the halftime show was watching Minaj bug her eyes out repeatedly and try so hard not to be the center of attention. [High Definite]
Eric Rosado Presents “Sh*t Knicks Fans Say” - I wanted to make a “Sh*t Indians Fans Say” so With Leather could get a little traffic, but “we didn’t sign anybody” and “Jason Kipnis is pretty good!” don’t make an entertaining video. [Smoking Section]
Clint Eastwood’s Super Bowl Comercial Contradicting His Political Beliefs? - What about that time he shot a guy with a gun in the old west? Would he shoot someone in real life? Has he ever even lived in the old west? [Moviefone]
Extended Version Of Avengers Super Bowl Trailer Is Here, Sort Of Reveals Who’s In Loki’s Army - I hope there’s a plot point explaining why they undid all the good of Captain America’s 1940s costume and gave him that Morphsuit looking number. [Gamma Squad]
The new Spider-Man looks like a giraffe, wears track shoes - And speaking of bad super hero looks, I hope Spidey can see the Lizard through those pools of urine on his face. [Film Drunk]
The Best Of #Step Brothers - I swear, I’m so pissed off at my mom. As soon as she’s of age, I’m putting her in a home. [UPROXX]
Derpy Louisiana Congressman John Fleming Thinks The Onion Publishes Real News - This is Literally Unbelievable! I hope he never sees the story about the black neighborhood terrorized by an ask murderer. [UPROXX]
18 Jaw Dropping Photos Of Europe’s Deadly Winter - Click here for 23 jaw dropping photos from Bananarama’s Cruel Summer. [Buzzfeed]
SXSW Comedy Podcast Lineup Announced - Awesome, I can finally challenge the Sklar Brothers to a duel with swords. I don’t care, I’ll take them on at the same time, I bet they don’t even know how to use swords. [HuffPost Comedy]
15 of the World’s Weirdest Marriages, ‘I Now Pronounce You… What?!’ - I said “Chuck and Larry”. What, can you not hear me? [The FW]
Why Abed and Troy from Community are the Best Geeks on TV - The Big Bang Theory is the minstrel show of this generation. We need more shows about uncool people who actually exist. [Unreality]
The 8 Most Important Hard Rock Music Video Babes From The 1980s |
New England Patriots tight end slash 
Eric Rosado Presents “Sh*t Knicks Fans Say” - I wanted to make a “Sh*t Indians Fans Say” so With Leather could get a little traffic, but “we didn’t sign anybody” and “Jason Kipnis is pretty good!” don’t make an entertaining video. [
