The story of a lead actor living in a world of bit players, from the YouTube description:

I shot some rioting go down on Muni on McAllister and Larkin (San Francisco, Ca) after the San Francisco Giants won the 2012 MLB World Series. I started filming toward the end, about ten minutes before the cops showed up. There were a few buses stalled there because the streets were overflowing with people. When rioting began on Muni, this particular gentleman on the back of the bus was having none of it. He sat there stonefaced amidst all the chaos, presumably texting to his friends about his miserable experience commuting on Muni yet again. Everyone outside noticed his lack of celebratory and destructive spirit, so they started taking pictures and video of him until the lights went out.

This guy.

Maybe I’m not the type to turn into the apes from 2001: A Space Odyssey and start smashing boar skulls with a bone because my favorite sports team won a game, but I’m on The Dude Who Wouldn’t Riot’s side. He’s the one guy on screen with a head on his shoulders. I am pretty interested to know what he’s doing with his time (I don’t buy the “texting his friends about his miserable experience” line), so I consulted the comments section and compiled my ten favorite theories. Those are below.

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No website with a HOCKEY FIGHTS tag has the right to get indignant about another country’s hockey fights, but Lord, when your first game ends with two teams banding together to battle riot police you’re doing it wrong.

Here’s the translation of what went down, from the video’s description:

Held in Erzurum in Turkey by the Ice Hockey Federation Men’s Premier League matches first encounter is clouded with blood. Approximately 5 minutes each kick, punch, and their family bucket athletes hitting the police could not intervene. Two athletes were injured in the riot.

They didn’t even get to use Akay … I gotta say it was a good day.

In all seriousness, though, I don’t want to ever have to use “clouded with blood” to describe something I’ve done. Remind me never to join the Kocaeli Metropolitan Municipality or Ezurum Youth Sports Clubs.

[h/t Puck Daddy]

I received some strong feedback from yesterday’s gallery of the rioting in Vancouver in the wake of the Canucks’ Game 7 loss in the Stanley Cup Finals. My original intention wasn’t to blame hockey fans for the disgusting display of violence and societal breakdown, because I know that there’s a deeper reason behind this riot and others that we’ve seen over the years. It’s not about sports as much as it’s about people just being generally unhappy.

Hold on, someone just threw a brick covered in feces through my window. Ah, apparently I’m wrong and the rioting is indeed the fault of sports fans. Male sports fans with tiny penises, to be precise.

“People invest themselves, their identity, very much in the sports clubs,” explained Professor Ervin Staub, a psychologist and the founder of the program in Psychology of Peace and Violence at the University of Massachusetts Amherst. “There is evidence that when a team loses, fans get a little depressed and when the team wins, they get a little high.”

Such biological effects, Staub explained, are directly linked to behaviors. Losers feel “diminished” and “powerless,” he said, and people then become tempted to “use destructive means rather than constructive means to regain one’s sense of effectiveness.” So they lash out. (Maybe the team lost, but I can bust a department store window!) (MSNBC)

To blame Vancouver’s riot solely on sports fans is lazy and unfair. This isn’t about thousands of young people being pissed off that the Canucks lost. Sure, it doesn’t help that they lost and it certainly gives people a good excuse to go out and get stupid, but this is about something so much bigger. All those people flipping cars, lighting fires, fighting each other, smashing windows and pillaging stores don’t give a crap about a hockey game. They’re pissed off at life.

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The story today should be that the Boston Bruins won their first Stanley Cup in 39 years. The story should be that Bruins goalie Tim Thomas, who was considered at one point to be done because of injuries and an unorthodox style, delivered one of the greatest Game 7 performances in Stanley Cup Finals history. Hell, the story should be that Boston fans are celebrating all over America today after not giving a flying pig’s poop about this franchise for years. But it’s not.

Instead, the story is about stupidity, arrogance, ignorance, and all of the other things that we detest about sports. After the Vancouver Canucks lost to the Bruins 4-0 last night at the Rogers Arena in Vancouver, fans spilled into the streets and destroyed their beautiful city. While it’s not the first time that we’ve seen the fans of a major city’s sports franchise flip over cars, start fires, attack police, and loot stores, it’s still a pretty f*cked up thing to look at. I’ve been to Vancouver a few times and I consider it to be a pretty remarkable city, but looking at the images after the jump I can’t help but wonder why.

Perhaps it’s a testament to the growing tension among fans to pay an average of $2,100 to watch their team get blown out in the final game of a series that it should have won. Maybe it’s simply a case of a spoiled culture boiling over with a dangerous combination of intoxication, hormones and misdirected rage. Maybe Vancouver’s fans thought that those kids giving their lives in Egypt and Syria were just upset about their stupid hockey team losing. I don’t really know or care what the cause is. The fact is that it’s just flat out stupid. But congrats to Boston fans for a victory and for being the better people.

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The San Francisco Giants have ended 56 years of tortured hippie fan tears, as they overcame the tyranny of the Texas Rangers and won the first World Series in the West Coast history of the franchise. The Giants topped the Rangers 3-1 in Game 5 to take the Fall Classic 4 games to 1. Tim “The Freak” Lincecum pitched an 8-inning masterpiece, fanning 10 and outdueling Cliff Lee once again, while World Series MVP Edgar Renteria added another clutch hit to his November highlight reel with a 3-run homerun off of Lee that sealed the deal for the Giants. Meanwhile, the Rangers can return to Arlington knowing that they gave us one hell of a story for the ages – Ron Washington’s love of cocaine.

So now as we sit and wait for winter meetings to commence in the beautiful and exotic city of Orlando, Florida, we can discuss where we think Cliff Lee will end up and whether or not the Rangers will have the financial wherewithal to keep the star in Texas, or if Lee will end up in pinstripes as many are predicting. But that’s pretty boring, if you ask me, and I’m a man who can really appreciate a good championship celebration. I guess what I’m saying is – I want to see some rioting, San Francisco.

Flames and criminal mischief after the jump…

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In one of the less shocking stories in sports history, Philadelphia Flyers fans trashed a car after Philly’s Sunday night thrashing of the Montreal Canadiens, presumably because it had Montreal plates. On any given gameday, it’s just another case of empty beer cans littered on the opposing team’s car. But since it’s Philadelphia, throw in a slashed tire, broken hubcap, stolen bug guard, vanished license plates, and the fact that it belongs to Montreal Gazette hockey writer Pat Hickey. Sacre bleu!

Hickey apparently missed the opportunity to park in the designated media lot, thus having to park in general population. His Quebecois license plates then became chum to a sea of sharks. The vandalism to Hickey’s 1999 Honda Accord (line forms to the left, ladies) has drawn a great deal of media attention in the wake of a post-game riot in Montreal when the Habs beat the Penguins. Hickey is using the vandalism to his car as a battle cry to sports fans: “GET OFF MY LAWN, YOU PUNKS!”

Whip some batteries of justice at me, Pat:

There were several incidents at Game 1 of the Flyers-Canadiens series here Sunday night. I saw fans in Canadiens jerseys heckled, which is fair game. I also saw several of them being bumped around, which isn’t acceptable.

Some vandals pulled the plug on a pregame telecast by Radio-Canada and another Canadian TV crew was harassed. (Montreal Gazette)

Hickey’s biggest problem with the vandalism to his car was the theft of his license plates, because that means he’d have to deal with people at customs when crossing the border back to Canadia. He even had a good sense of humor about it when Canadiens coach Jacques “Strap” Martin asked him, “Hey Pat, you got a car I can borrow?” Added Martin, “Aw haw haw, zee comedee!”

Citing Philadelphia’s most popular moment of fan discretion, Hickey likens the vandalism to Eagles fans hurling snowballs at Santa Claus. That’s really unfair to Philadelphia fans, seeing as that happened in 1968. Most of Philly’s violent fans weren’t even born yet. Give them time to blossom, Pat.