Strip club pep rallies > any other pep rallies

If you need proof that New York City is one of the greatest sports cities on Earth – I can’t rule out Middelfart, Denmark – it’s hard to look beyond the incredible enthusiasm that our good friends at Rick’s Cabaret constantly show for all of their teams. Obviously, we’ve already discussed their incredibly warm welcome for Tim Tebow, and hopefully they’ll listen to me and Mets Fan Motorboat Mondays once the team loses a few more games and slides into last place.

Right now, though, the ladies – pictured above with Sal the Stockbroker from The Howard Stern Show – are focused on showing support for their faltering New York Knicks, who are currently down 0-2 to the Miami Heat. That’s not going to last, according to the bridesmaids at my third wedding.

Rick’s Cabaret Girl Trina said that she considers some of the NY Knicks her favorite VIP customers. “We are not allowed to mention any names,” she explained. “But the basketball guys are awesome.”

Rick’s Cabaret Girl Karina said, “Look, Miami killed them in the first two games, but they are coming back to New York on Thursday. It is not over. The girls and I wanted to do something to show them how much we appreciate them. So we held a pep rally this afternoon to cheer them on. They can still turn it around – anything can happen.”

Asked about Amar’e Stoudemire’s injury, Rick’s Cabaret Girl Gianna said, “I appreciate his passion, but he went too far. I’m not worried, Carmelo Anthony will step it up. Carmelo is my favorite Knick. He can do it.”

We can joke all we want, but these girls appreciate their New York sports. Hell, if they started commenting on some gambling sites, they could be writing for ESPN Playbook by the end of the week.

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"If you're just gonna keep throwing to Gronk, I'm gonna go check out some boobies."

If the NFL counted Tweets as receiving yards, then Chad Ochocinco would have been the greatest single season receiver in New England Patriots history last year. Sadly, that idea will have to wait for the next CBA meetings. Ochocinco – who may or may not be changing his last name back to Johnson – has told the Patriots that he will drop his $3 million salary to $1 million just to keep his spot on the roster in 2012.

In the meantime, Ocho is still Tweeting away, and one man recently reached out to the once-boastful Pat to help put an end to his lack of confidence and non-existent love life. Ocho’s advice?

I’d love to produce a talk show for Ocho on which lonely losers ask him advice and his answer to every problem is: “Strip club.” Because, honestly, that is pretty much the perfect answer to any problem. Well, except maybe a combination of sex addiction and no money. In that case, the advice should be whatever the opposite of a strip club is. I guess that would either be church or a WNBA game.

Nevertheless, the girls at Tootsie’s in Miami have risen to the challenge and welcome Ocho’s lonely pal with open… um, arms.

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"I'll take a lap grind for the boy and a couple nips on the foot for me."

It seems like a pretty slow Tim Tebow news day, what with the big hubbub around the New York Jets’ new not-so-secret weapon being that he now has a sandwich named after him and he got a manicure and pedicure at MB Nails in West Hollywood on Tuesday. Man, this dude will do anything to make sure Rex Ryan names him the starter.

But our good friends at Rick’s Cabaret want to remind Tebow that Hollywood doesn’t have anything on New York City, especially when it comes to showing the former Heisman Trophy winner some love. In case you forgot, Tim, the ladies at Rick’s have offered to give you your (presumably) very first lap dance free of charge to show you just how grateful they are to have you in the Big Apple. Not like that Mark Sanchez guy who keeps asking the girls if they’re old enough to vote.

The offer still stands, Tim, so don’t let these ladies down, especially after they went out and got themselves some Tebow jerseys. They might be defective, though, because they seem to fall off easily.

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If you thought that we’d even go one day without someone creating the story that Tim Tebow wants to immediately become the New York Jets starting quarterback, then you just don’t know the New York sports media, Jack. The New York Daily News posted an article early this morning claiming that sources said that Tebow plans to be the Jets’ starter. Thank you, New York sports media, your fabricated scandals never cease to humor us.

But this could end up being a stressful venture for Tebow, as he has stated that he considers Mark Sanchez a friend, and accusations that he’s staging some sort of coup could disturb the chemistry that Tebow would be seeking to build immediately. Thankfully, New York’s finest are here to help, as the girls at Rick’s Cabaret have offered to give Tebow his presumably first lap dance ever, free of charge.

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